To Wish Impossible Things
by Janey90
Summary: Bella's got one year to live, and is determined to enjoy it. So she makes a list of everything she wants to do in the time she has left. However, when Edward arrives in Forks, everything changes. Can he save her? A sweet story about love and life. AU.
1. Cancer

Summary: Bella's just got the worst news anyone can get - shes got one year to live. However, instead of being devastated and giving up, she vows to enjoy the time she has left and makes a list of everything she wants to do. However, when Edward and his family move to Fork's all those plans change. Through Alice's visions, he knows Bella's his true love, and is determined to prove that to her. She's reluctant though - knowing she hasn't got long left. Little does she know he's got a secret of his own, and this secret might just change her fate... if she allowed it that is. An AU vamp story. Very romantic and sweet story thats drama filled, and full of surprises. Characters are slightly OOC though.

Disclaimer for the whole story: The characters are all creations of Stephenie Meyer, not me.

Oh, and side note: Bella might seem a little OOC in this. But bear in mind that she's been through a lot, and has had a very different life to the Bella in the books. When the story progresses we'll see a lighter, more fun side to her.

Every chapter will be named after a song which I think fits the mood of it. All the links to the songs will be on my profile along with some extra ones, so feel free to listen. They may help get you in the mood for the chapter.

Anyway, this is my very first fanfiction and is rated M for things happening later on. I hope you all enjoy the story.

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_"It just ain't living,_  
_And I just hope you know..._  
_That if you say (if you say)_  
_Goodbye today (goodbye today)_  
_I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)_  
_Cause the hardest part of this,_  
_Is leaving you..."_  
_~ Cancer, My Chemical Romance._

_**To Wish Impossible Things.  
Chapter One.**_

_Isabella Swan. _

_June 2007. _

I had spent my life living by quotes that I had read in books, or seen in films. Most of my seventeen years had been spent believing the words that others had spoken, and most of them affected me in one way or another. But never had one line had so much significance than this one I had just discovered by Madame de Stael…

"_We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one whom we love."_ ~Madame de Stael

I understood it clearly, because it summed up my life in just one line.

After years battling to overcome my illness, I found out for certain that it was beating me – and one year ago today, I was told I had one year to live. And even though, I truly believed my life was over there and then, in reality – it was only just beginning.

Because it was after that day that I met _him_… and _everything_ changed.

He helped me achieve my goals and live the last year the way I'd wanted too. He taught me everything, including how to love – and in return, he absolutely adored me. I had never believed in love to be honest, but after being with him, I finally knew what people were talking about. And it was incredible.

And when he told me the truth about what he was, it didn't matter to me. He was still my Edward no matter what and whether he was human or not, nothing was_ ever_ going to change that.

I wanted to be with him forever, but of course my body had different ideas, as I now lay here in this room, dying. But it was okay… I had accepted that this was my fate a long time ago, so the thought of dying didn't scare my anymore.

The only thing that scared me was leaving him behind.

Edward had never coped well with the knowledge that I was dying, and I would constantly find him deep in thought, clearly tormented with something going on in his mind. I soon learnt to never ask what was bothering him – as I never got my answers.

_Until today. _

"Please say yes, Bella… please stay with me, don't leave me." He begged through his tearless sobs as he clung onto me, kissing me gently all over my face.

He had given me the option to become like him – undying and immortal. And to be honest, I didn't know what to reply to his question… I hadn't ever longed to be immortal, I had always believed in a beginning and an end. And to me, dying young was clearly just the fate set out for me.

I had always heard my friends say they wished to live forever, and to never get old, but it just reminded me of another quote I had read-

"Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon." ~Susan Ertz.

So here was my dilemma-

Did I long for immortality? No, not at all. I didn't want it for many reasons.

But did I want to be with Edward forever? Yes, it was all I wished for.

_I don't know what to do._ I whimpered in my mind, as the dark abyss continued to suck me under. I knew I had to make my decision soon… as time was running out.

And any day now, the choice might just be taken from me.

"_Someday I'll be a weather-beaten skull resting on a grass pillow,  
Serenaded by a stray bird or two.  
Kings and commoners end up the same,  
No more enduring than last night's dream."  
~Ryokan_

_One year ago… _

_July 2006._

I had always hated hospitals.

I hated everything about them. The smell of disinfectant. The atmosphere, the noises, the colours, the monotone, quiet voices of people as they came to terms with whatever reason they were there for - whether it was for them or for a loved one.

I hated that they basically represented death… a hospital was where you were born but also where you – _mostly_ – died. I hated that every time I came here, I wondered if I was ever going to be able to leave again.

But you know what I hated the most? … the solemn, sympathetic look on the doctors face when he was clearly about to give you bad news.

It was written all across Dr. Snow's face as he sat opposite me, in the small treatment room I had been in many times before. He was silent, as was I, and the only sound filling the room was the ominous ticking of the clock, as well as the noises from the people outside the room. My dad Charlie was out there – I always preferred to get my results alone, but I had no doubt he was anxiously pacing, probably more nervous than me.

I had accepted this a long time ago.

I had no choice.

After another painfully slow minute Dr. Snow finally decided it was time to deliver the news to me. I could see in his expression that whatever he was going to tell me upset him and I understood that his emotions were genuine – he had been my doctor for many years now. He'd been there right from my first diagnosis, and he truly was desperate for me to get better.

He opened his mouth to speak, and before the words had even come out, I knew exactly what he was going to say.

"I'm afraid I have bad news for you today, Isabella."

Yeah, I was right.

"Unfortunately your cancer has returned, just like you suspected, but this time it's a lot more advanced." He stopped to clear his throat for a moment, "it seems to have spread to a lot more of your body and unfortunately that means-"

I zoned out on his words then, and tried to ignore them. I didn't want to hear him anymore.

As much as I knew this was coming, I had somehow hoped against hope that my subconscious was wrong, and that really I was going to be alright. I did deserve it after all… I had been fighting this leukaemia for so long.

But I guess that's the whole point… you can keeping running and keep fighting but in the end you're going to get caught.

"There's nothing more that we can do for you," he paused, "I'm sorry Isabella, but this is… its terminal."

I nodded, and took a sharp breath in, noticing how shaky it was because of my tears. There was an aching, sinking feeling in my chest, and I felt horribly sick all of a sudden and fought to keep it in. I desperately wanted to get out of here and this hospital while I still could, but I had one question for him first.

"H-How long?" I whispered, hoping he would understand what I meant.

Luckily, he did. "A year, maybe more, maybe less – it's not really clear yet," he explained quietly.

I nodded numbly, feeling bitter at that thought. A year was nothing really, was it? I had already lived seventeen, and they had passed quickly, so a year was going to feel like nothing in comparison. And how much of that would I spend suffering in pain?

Probably the majority I thought miserably.

"There are of course options," Dr Snow continued explaining, "We could start with some more chemotherapy right away. The cancer is too progressed for it to remove it, but the chemo could shrink it – and possibly extend your life by another six months to a year."

"No, no chemo," I told him. I didn't want to go through that again… if I was to only have one year left I didn't want to waste it feeling sicker then I should. I wanted to enjoy as much of it as I could, away from the hospital if possible.

He sighed, almost as if he was expecting me to say that. "I know that chemotherapy can seem like a daunting thought, but right now you've just had some sad news. Please make sure to think this through – it really could extend your life by a lot," he explained to me gently.

"There's nothing to think about," I told him, "I don't want it."

He nodded, "We'll talk about it another time. I'm so terribly sorry about it all, Isabella, I really did wish this could turn out differently," he told me sadly, as his own eyes misted over with tears.

I offered him the best smile I could, and brushed the tears away from my cheeks, "It's not your fault; I guess this was going to have to happen at some point huh? I've been prepared for it, so it's okay… really." I told him gently, before standing up, suddenly impatient, "So can I go home now?" I asked.

He looked surprised at my boldness, "of course you can. But don't you have any more questions to ask first?"

_Not right now,_ I thought to myself immediately, "If I think of any I'll call the hospital or ask you at my next appointment," I told him, before pausing for a moment - "thank you," I whispered sincerely.

He nodded but didn't say anything, and I took that as my cue to leave. I quickly made my way out of the room and down the corridor to where I knew Charlie would be. My tears were now completely blurring my vision and my legs were shaking but somehow I continued to walk forwards determined to be strong.

It was the way I had been my whole life after all…

My life itself had never been easy by any means – I was born in the small town of Fork's where I still lived on September the 13th, nearly 18 years ago. My parents were Charlie and Renee Swan, who were young and only just married. However my mom left years ago, claiming that she felt trapped, and left me behind with Charlie. That wasn't a bad thing though, because me and Charlie have always been very close, and after a while Renee did get back in contact via phone calls.

My life was good… it was simple, but I enjoyed it.

Until everything changed.

It was when I was 12 years old that I started getting joint pains, and constantly felt tired. Charlie thought it was normal at first, but when I didn't get any better he took me to see the doctor. Instantly tests were run on me, and it wasn't long before I got my diagnosis.

Acute Lymphoblastic leukaemia.

I went through every type of treatment possible – chemotherapy, radiation therapy, bone marrow transplants, and every time doctors started to believe I was getting better, the cancer would return in full force and the treatments would start all over again.

Renee's phone calls occurred less and less and one night I woke to hear Charlie arguing on the phone with her – apparently she couldn't cope with the thought of me having leukaemia and therefore wanted to lose contact. That was probably one my lowest points – I was a scared, 14 year old girl who was battling cancer and didn't even have the support of my own mother. I wondered what I had ever done to deserve a life like this.

But it wasn't long after that, that I started to get a bit better. And once I got the all-clear, the hospital stopped my chemotherapy, giving my hair a chance to grow back and the opportunity for me to properly attend high school.

I made my friends, began achieving good grades, and finally felt like things were looking up. By this point it had been years since Renee had made contact, but it didn't bother me so much anymore. I only loved Charlie even more though for always being there for me.

However, like in all good stories – all good things have to come to an end.

I began feeling ill again, and instantly knew that my cancer had returned. Only this time, I knew right from the start that this was it. I had overcome it too many times before, and surely now my luck had run out.

And of course, I was right… and here I am in the hospital, sobbing, feeling heartbroken as I tried to find Charlie. I had managed to keep my calm in front of Dr. Snow, probably because it hadn't really hit me then. But it had in full force now, and despite the fact that I knew this news was coming – it still hurt so much to know that this was it.

I was seventeen, and I had a year left to live.

There were still so many things I hadn't done that I've always wanted to do. Things that I'll never get to do now.

I've never gotten drunk… got a tattoo… stayed up for 24 hours straight… travelled outside of Washington state… have sex… hell, I've never even been _kissed._

I made a vow right there and then to create a list of all the things I want to, and to try and fulfil as many of them as I could before my time runs out. It would start with all the things I had just thought about and end with so many more.

After all… how can you die, when you've never really _lived?_

Back in Dr. Snow's office I chose to refuse the chemotherapy because I want to really _live_ my last year, and no one was going to change my mind on my decision.

I finally made my way to Charlie, and when he saw my expression and my tear stained face he instantly knew what the news was. His face turned into a mirror of my own, and we both cried in each other's arms right in the waiting room, not caring who was watching.

I was having my moment of acceptance now, and was allowing myself to cry - just this once. I vowed that Charlie wouldn't see me cry again – he didn't deserve to see that. And I would be stronger for him from now on… and I would be brave.

After all, I could scream, I could cry and I could yell about the injustice of all of this… but it wouldn't change a thing. I would still be in the same situation as I am now. This was my fate, and I had to deal with it.

However what I could change… was how I spent my final year.

So when I got home that night, I went straight up to my room wrote the list.

It was my list of what I wanted to do this year.

And it went like this…

1. Celebrate my 18th without complaining.

2. Get drunk, perhaps at a party.

3. Get a tattoo just for the sake of it, and get a piercing.

4. Go somewhere outside of the state.

5. Stay up for 24 hours without sleep.

6. Try dating and see how that works.

7. Apply for college to see who would accept me – apply for ambitious options, not the safe ones.

8. Spend more time with my friends, and perhaps try and meet new people.

9. Try more sports, read more, watch more films, eat what I want when I want etc…

10. Make it to graduation and go to prom.

More would be added, but for now this was it. As I sat in my bedroom, writing the list down I really did believe that this was all my life would entail from now and I was okay with that.

But little did I know… I was going to be getting something even better than this - something that I wouldn't even dare to wish for because it seemed so beyond my reach.

Something or rather _someone_… who would change _everything_.

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**Next chapter preview:**

_(Edward's POV)_

_That was when it happened._

_Alice's visions came out of nowhere, surprising me and her. I watched them through her mind though, feeling compelled to do so for some reason._

_And what I saw rendered me speechless…_

_An extraordinary beautiful, young, brunette girl was standing, outside the entrance of our house we were moving too. She was waiting patiently for something, glancing up at the front door. And then I appeared… my smile wide as I saw her. Her smile turned the same as mine, only making her even more beautiful._

_And then what happened next stunned me even more…_

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_Like it? Please leave a review, just so I know if this is worth continuing or not. _

_Thanks for reading._


	2. Bring me to you

A/N- Hi, thank you for the lovely reviews for the first chapter! I hope you all stick around for this story, I promise you'll like it!

Here's chapter two in Edward's POV, hope you like it. Please review to let me know what you think!

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_"You looked like the sun  
I was the only one who could stare until you were done shining on me  
And as we drank our wine and let the world fade away  
The sunrise tried to end it while we tried to stay."  
~ They bring me to you, Joshua Radin.__  
_**_  
To Wish Impossible Things.  
Chapter Two. _**

_Edward Cullen_

_August 2006._

"What… what do you mean you're not coming with us?" my sister Alice screamed at me.

I sighed, and tried to best think of how to describe this to her without sounding insane. I knew it wasn't going to be an easy task, especially considering how insistent she'd always been.

I was certain that my decision was final… until I told her and my mother Esme what I was planning. In my mind it seemed like a perfect idea – going off by myself away from the family for a while would give me the chance to discover myself, and the chance to explore and see new places…

Hell, I can't even fool myself.

The real reason why I wanted to leave was to get away from it all – the longing I felt whenever I saw the couples within my family. And the agony I felt whenever I remembered that I would never have that.

No one could love me after all… who would want to?

Being a 106 year old vampire stuck in a 17 year olds body didn't exactly leave women queuing at the door, and I have no doubt that I wouldn't even be interested in those who were interested in being with a vampire so willingly. I could imagine exactly the type of girls that category would include, and they certainly wouldn't hold my interest.

In all seriousness though, I knew that I was never going to find _her_. I hadn't had much luck so far in my existence so why would it come now? I've always considered people who have their loves of their lives as the luckiest people in the world, and I didn't fall into that category.

However, deep down I truly did believe that my soul mate must be out there somewhere – surely somewhere along my existence there must be one girl who was meant for me after all…? But the chances of me ever finding her are second to none.

And I wouldn't ever settle for anyone less than my soul mate… what would be the point?

I had accepted my fate a long time ago – far back when our family was completed decades ago. There are seven of us in the family, aka three pairs, plus me. Firstly there's my creator Carlisle who I think of as my father, who fell in love with his wife Esme back when he changed her, and then there's my sister Rosalie, who joined the family before Esme. Rosalie also came alone and was changed when she was dying, and then saved Emmett when she found him in the woods, and well… it's pretty obvious what happened next. They - just like Carlisle and Esme - are also married.

And finally there's my brother Jasper and his wife Alice who joined us the most recently… about 40 years ago – they were the 'wildcards' as we liked to refer to them, seeing as they just turned up together on our doorstep one day, with Alice claiming she'd 'seen us' before.

I used my own power of mind reading to search her mind and realised she was telling the truth… she was psychic and had seen her and Jasper living with us.

Since then we'd all lived together, moving from place to place, staying wherever we could for as long as possible before having to move on again. It was tiring, not being able to stay in one place – the fact that we didn't age made that impossible – but we all coped well with it, because we were a group… a family.

However, as time passed I had only become aware of one thing… that I was the odd one out. I was the only one without another, and had to live in a house full of couples, who were very much in love.

And it really did hurt to know I would never have the same.

So, I had now got this idea into my head that living alone from my family would somehow help my situation, because I wouldn't be surrounded by couples all the time.

"I'm not coming," I repeated to both Esme and Alice.

The plan was for the whole family to move to some small town called Fork's, located in Washington. Carlisle believed that because of the constant overcast weather that we'd actually be able to go about with humans a bit more and that the younger looking ones of us could attend the local high school.

I hated the thought of that, but couldn't help but be tempted by the thought of actually being able to go outside with humans and almost live normally for a while. We were currently living in the suburbs of New York and it had turned out to be a lot more sunny then we'd expected, and of course we couldn't go out in sunlight. It would completely give away what we are to the humans, which is something that's forbidden.

But throughout our time in New York, I had really missed being able to go outside, just like the rest of my family had, hence the plan to move to a rainier town.

"But _why_?" Alice pouted, interrupting my thoughts, "You'll love it there, I know you will! The house is beautiful, and there so much space for us to go hunting… "

"She's right Edward, it's far better than here. I know you'll be happier there," Esme told me gently. She and Alice had recently got back from visiting the house we were all buying, and ever since their return they had been constantly raving about how wonderful the house was. Apparently it was secluded enough for us, but not too far for the town that we'd feel separated from it.

I sighed, "It's not about where we're moving. I just need some time alone."

"But why?" Alice repeated.

"I just do, I can't take it anymore… the thoughts in my head, having to see everyone act so…" I cut myself off, and took a deep breath, looking them both in the eye, "I need to be by myself so that I'm not reminded of my loneliness _every _single day."

Instantly Esme's expression turned from upset to sympathetic – she'd always known how lonely I felt, and had always worried about me, wishing that I would find someone. "Oh, Edward," she sighed sadly, pulling me into a hug, "I never realised you were feeling this way."

"Neither did I," Alice told me sadly, resting her hand on my arm.

Esme pulled away and looked me in the eye, "it'll happen Edward, I know it," she told me.

"You can't know it… what if meeting someone's just not possible for me?" I whispered sadly, still devastated by the thought.

"It has to be," she told me sternly, grasping me by the shoulders to make sure I was keeping eye contact, "there's someone out there for everyone, including you. She must be out there somewhere – just please don't give up," she begged me.

"I'm not giving up; I just think some time alone would help," I told her.

"I don't think it will," Alice whispered from beside me, "Whenever you mention living alone all I see is visions of you far more unhappy then you are now. Edward, I think you being alone with your thoughts will only make the loneliness feel _worse_."

What she was saying made sense, but there was still something else bothering me.

"I just can't help but feel like I'm a bit of a third wheel… everyone here is always considerate because of me. Like Emmett for example – he'll always make sure to spend time away from Rosalie to keep me company, and he shouldn't have to do that." I told them both.

"Yes he should… he loves you, silly, he wants to spend time hanging out with you too." Esme told me as she nudged me with her elbow, smiling widely.

Alice took a step forward and also smiled up at me, "We all love you, Edward, and I never think of you as a third wheel. You're my brother," she told me sweetly.

"And you're my son, and I'll miss you so much if you decide to leave us. So please don't," Esme begged me.

"You know I love you all too. But I don't know…" I trailed off.

"Look, Edward, why not try it out in Fork's? If you still feel this way in a few months you can stay by yourself for a while then. But why not give it a go? You might enjoy it there," Esme pleaded with me.

I sighed; completely torn… what they were saying did make sense. And it was true – I could always try it there for a while and move on if I was still unhappy. Perhaps the fact that I'll be able to be outside on my own a lot more there will help…

"Please, Edward?" Alice whispered, tugging on my arm gently.

I let out another breath, thinking about all the options. Did I really want to leave my family behind? I may not have real love, but I had people who loved me as a son or a brother, and that was enough.

Maybe I was being a_ bit_ selfish with this whole situation…

I noticed Alice and Esme's smiles growing as they saw my expression changing, and becoming contemplative.

_Might as well get it over with_, I thought to myself.

And so, I plastered a smile on my face, "okay then, I'll come with you," I told them.

Both of them squealed loudly, and hugged me tightly. I sighed and hugged them back, smiling at the thought of my crazy family.

Without them, I truly would go insane.

Alice pulled away and started excitedly telling me about the house and how I would have a floor all to myself.

And that was when it happened.

Alice's visions came out of nowhere, surprising me and her. I watched them through her mind though, feeling compelled to do so for some reason.

And what I saw rendered me speechless…

An extraordinary beautiful, young, brunette girl was standing, outside the entrance of our house we were moving too. She was waiting patiently for something, glancing up at the front door. Perhaps she was waiting for someone. And then the front door quickly swung open and I appeared… my smile wide as I saw her. Her smile turned the same as mine, only making her even more beautiful.

And then what happened next stunned me even more…

In the vision I looked at her and then ran down the porch steps, with an impossibly wide smile on my face. It was a smile I had never seen before… it was so happy, and not at all forced like it had been for so long. I then ran across the grass to her at a human pace, and lifted her up into my arms, spinning her around several times, before placing her on the ground and cupping her cheeks in my hands and kissing all over her face.

She laughed gently, and then murmured how much she'd missed me. Between kisses I told her the same back and… that I _loved her_.

And then in the most beautiful, soft voice I had ever heard, she whispered the same sentiment back to me, before pulling me closer to her so our lips were touching…

The vision faded away then and went back to Alice's own thoughts, which were pretty much the same as mine right now.

Stunned… speechless… shocked beyond belief.

"A-Alice, what the hell was that?" I whispered, my voice dry as if I hadn't spoken for days.

"I don't know. I've never seen her before in my visions… I don't know who she is," Alice replied, her voice also breathless.

Beside me, Esme suddenly became curious, "Oh, who did you see?"

"A girl… and Edward, outside our home in Fork's," Alice told her when I remained silent.

By this point Carlisle had made his way into the kitchen, he had been up in his study reading, but had clearly become curious after over-hearing our conversation.

"What's this I heard about a vision? Was it something to do with us in Forks?" he asked, proving my theory right.

Alice looked up at me and in her mind asked - _do you want to tell them?_

"I don't know, Alice, what if that vision was wrong?" I whispered, too afraid to even hope that it could be true.

It was impossible wasn't it… the girl… the beautiful, human girl telling me she loved me. I wished with everything in me that it could be true, but even I knew better than to even wish for impossible things.

However Alice then spoke to me again in her mind luckily interrupting my thoughts- _it wasn't wrong Edward. There's more, look. _

More visions appeared then, and I watched them, fascinated by what I was seeing. More scenes similar to the one before flashed up…

_Me and her sitting in a classroom talking, me smiling as I watch her play with her hair shyly._

_Me walking her to her class and kissing her on the cheek before leaving, she smiles as she watches me walk away. _

_Me introducing her to the family, my arm around her protectively and my smile turning very proud as Esme runs up to give her a hug. _

_Me sitting at a piano with her playing a song, and then kissing her tears away afterwards. _

_Me and her in a meadow and her crying softly in my arms as I comfort her and hum the same tune from the piano to her. _

Wait… why would she be crying?

I didn't have time to consider the possibilities before Alice's thoughts invaded my mind.

_The visions only came up once you decided to come to Fork's, Edward. And they won't change unless if you choose to change them. But, she's there; Edward… your soul mate is in Fork's. _

I smiled at Alice, and for once the smile wasn't forced… instead it was so strong; it felt like it could break my face in half. I knew that if I could cry, that I would be sobbing from happiness right now. For once there wasn't one negative thought running through my mind, I wasn't even worrying about the repercussions of her being human just yet, instead all that matters was the solid proof that she was out there… and I was so close to finding her.

Carlisle and Esme had left me and Alice alone to watch the visions but were now impatient and begging us to tell them what we'd seen. I noticed that all the others were gathered in the entry to the room, having overheard the conversation.

I guess it was time to give them the news.

I turned to Esme first, and noticed how her own expression lightened when she saw my smile.

"Alice has seen _her_, Esme. She's in Fork's," I told her excitedly.

Esme gasped, "As in _her_? The one you've been waiting for?"

"Yes," I grinned, "the visions came up as soon as I changed my mind about coming to Fork's. She's there; of all the places in the world she could be… she's _there_."

"Oh, I knew it!" she squealed excitedly, pulling me in for another hug, "I knew there had to be someone for you. Please, tell me _everything _you saw. What's she like?"

I hugged her back and excitedly told her about every part of the vision, and about how beautiful the girl was. Esme listened with rapt attention, her eyes misted over as if she wanted to cry. She almost seemed as excited as me as I explained about the part of her in our new house and how proud and happy I looked.

In the background I heard Alice filling everyone else in on the details and who the girl was, and once I had finished talking to Esme they all came up and hugged me, telling me how happy they were for me.

Rosalie was the only one who seemed slightly subdued and reluctant to celebrate, but I couldn't care less about her right now. I would find out what the problem was another time, but for now… I just wanted to enjoy this.

Carlisle was almost as pleased as Esme was and insisted on us closing the deal on the house so we could move there as soon as possible.

Later on that night, once I'd spent several hours celebrating and spending time with my family, I made my way up to my room to spend some time alone. I drew her face, just so I could commit her to memory for now. My drawing didn't do her beauty justice… she was like an angel and her beauty was hard to re-create. But the drawing would do for now, until I could actually meet her.

I couldn't wait for that day.

All I wished for right now was her name… I wanted to know everything about her of course, but the first thing I wanted to know was that.

Plans were finalized, bags were packing, and soon it was official… we were moving to Fork's in one week's time ready for the start of the new school year. The plan was for Alice, Jasper and I to join Forks high as seniors, ready for the visions to come true.

I just couldn't believe that someone so wonderful and beautiful could be meant for me. An impossible wish has been granted for me… a vampire who has been alone for so long. It was too good to be true and the happiness I felt was almost too much – I felt like I could burst from it.

Surely nothing was going to be bring me down from this high… _was it?_

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**Next chapter preview:**

_(Bella's POV)_

_The rest of my classes dragged by at an extraordinarily slow place, and by this point I was seriously considering my idea to finish senior year. Maybe I could get a job instead, or do some voluntary work or something…_

_No, stick to the plan - I told myself – it's just one bad day, it'll get better._

_I made my way into my biology class, and began walking to my usual seat, when something or rather someone caught my eye._

_It was the handsome, bronze haired boy from earlier, sitting in the seat next to mine which was usually empty. He already had my seat pulled out ready for me, and was watching me… with a soft, sweet smile on his face._

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So... what do you think? Good, bad, anything?

Thanks for reading! x


	3. Mad world

Hi, thank you for all the lovely reviews, its great that this story is getting some attention, so thank you for that!

Hope you all like this chapter, sorry that it took a little bit longer then I was planning. Next update will be quicker, and will be the part where things start getting a lot more interesting..

Anyway, this chapter is in Bella's POV. Please review and let me know what you think!

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"_Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows,  
__No tomorrow, __No tomorrow.  
__Hello teacher, Tell me what's my lesson,  
__Look right through me __Look right through me.  
__And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad,  
__The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had."  
__~ Mad world, Gary Jules. _

_**To Wish Impossible Things.  
**__**Chapter Three.**_

_Isabella Swan._

_September 2006._

Once upon a time I used to love school – as geeky as that sounds. It used to be a novelty to me, because I didn't get to go much. Due to my illness I missed the end of junior high and the first year of high school, and so all I ever wished was to be able to go like how all the other kids could.

So I could feel somewhat normal that is.

And when I did get to go at first it was great… I loved being able be with my friends and act the way a teenager should. However I soon learnt why people complained about it so much… classes were dull, there was far too much work to do outside of school, and if you didn't fit in with the 'popular' crowd things were even harder. But being determined I had of course I had set myself a target - to complete my senior year and graduate.

It's something that's so simple to a normal person, something that most people would consider as just another thing to do in their life. But not me… no, it would be a real achievement and proof that I had actually managed to do something in my life, and reach a big milestone so to speak.

And so far, it had been going great… I hadn't been feeling sick and I was easily keeping up with my classes' just fine. However, it was all weighing down on me today – suddenly it seems as if all my teachers have decided to set exams for the end of the week, causing me to be overloaded with studying to do. And now that two months had already passed since my diagnosis, I knew it was time to tell my friends Jessica and Angela about it all soon.

I knew it was probably horrible of me to keep lying to them… but I needed time to accept this myself before telling anyone else. I knew that telling them would only make it even more real… which I didn't want yet, I still had a while until it all had to change.

Besides, I was more focused on completing everything on my list. So far it hadn't been great – I had managed to stay up 24 hours straight, but I did it in the most boring way possible… by reading and drinking tons of energy drinks.

_Yeah, way to be crazy huh?_

I was getting my tattoo this weekend though… I hadn't quite decided what I wanted yet, but I was considering a Swan on my shoulder, or a Chinese symbol which meant something meaningful… but nothing had come to me just yet. I was hoping that it would.

I knew that if I told Jessica and Angela that they would help me with everything on my list, and that they would help me. I needed that help, because as much as I try to pretend I'm okay with all of this… I'm really not, I'm just kidding myself. I have to act like I'm okay for Charlie's sake, but whenever I'm alone the reality of my situation hits me. I know that if the timeline Dr. Snow gave me turns out to be correct, that I've now technically only got 10 months left… and how much of that will be spent healthily?

I had dreamt of it last night… what it will be like to die I mean. And even though it was a dream, it was like I could actually _feel_ the pain and myself slipping away. Perhaps it was because it was all in my mind, or it was my fear somehow creeping into my dreams. It was horrible though… well, most of it was. Right at the end of the dream as everything faded away so did the pain, and instead it was replaced with a different feeling… almost like I was endlessly falling. It was peaceful, and not at all frightening, and I couldn't help but hope that it would really be like that, when my time came that is. There was also someone talking to me, telling me how much they loved me and that they would always be there for me… that was the best part of the dream. I didn't recognise the voice, but it still calmed me, and I believed everything he was saying.

Funny isn't it… it's always in my dreams that the best things happen to me. And its also a little sad that a dream where I'm dying is the best one I've had in a long, long time.

I knew it wasn't going to be like that in real life… I'm not that lucky.

I quickly pushed all the thoughts about my dream aside as I made my way to lunch. I was planning to invite Jessica and Angela around my house tonight which would provide the perfect place for me to tell them about my illness. I certainly didn't want to be at school when I did. I didn't know how they would react… we've hardly been the best friends in the world, but we had always been there for each other. They knew everything about my illness… but I hadn't told them that I was suspicious it had returned, let alone my diagnosis.

I had no clue how they would react… whether they would be really sad, or whether they would end up feeling betrayed, hurt… or accepting of it, they had known how long I'd had the disease for after all.

I know which one I was hoping for… and which one I was dreading. But I guess I would have my answer as to which response it would be soon enough.

The school corridors were alive with gossip as I walked through them, but I didn't tune in on any of the conversations. Normally I would be interested to hear what people were coming up with – previous rumours I had heard had either me laugh or left me shocked beyond belief – but today wasn't a good day for me, and I was determined to get to the cafeteria to make it a little better.

When I made it there, I queued up to get some food – I wasn't feeling particularly hungry today, but I knew I had to eat something. It would only raise questions if I didn't. I eventually decided on a sandwich, an apple and a bottle of water… it was hardly the most adventurous of foods, but it was all I could manage to eat right now.

I made my way to our usual lunch table, pleased to find Angela and Jessica were already there. I said hi to them and sat in my usual seat, smiling at my two friends that were so alike me and unalike me at the same time. Firstly there was Angela, who was quiet and shy, but the nicest person around. Then there was Jessica who was loud, excitable and nice… but not quite as nice as Angela it was fair to say.

They were both pretty, unlike me. But I always thought of myself as a mix of their personalities… so we all matched each other well.

I took a bite of my apple, barely listening to what Jessica was saying. She was talking about my birthday and what we should do to celebrate it. Yesterday I told them that I was willing to celebrate it this year, secretly planning to achieve another thing off my list. They were both very excited, unknowing the real reason behind my sudden enthusiasm, and Jessica immediately began begging me to have a party… something I wasn't interested in, hence my tuning her out right now.

She eventually lost interest in that and began talking about one of her class projects with Angela. I took that time to think about how to ask them about later, and was just about to say the words when Jessica suddenly squealed loudly, causing me to jump.

"Oh my god, that's them!" she told us, when we both gave her annoyed looks.

"Who…?" I asked, confused.

She looked at me as if I had just grown another head, "Duh, the new family!" she rolled her eyes.

"Oh," I told her, suddenly uninterested.

So what? I thought to myself. They were the main source of gossip today – in a small town it was always big when new people arrived - but they would be old news soon enough. They probably didn't want any attention anyway… it was their first day after all, I could imagine it was intimidating enough having to move to a new place, let alone having to put up with being the main source of gossip.

I looked down at my food, knowing I would have to wait a while for another chance to bring up them coming over my house later. I knew that the new family would occupy both of their interests for the rest of lunch now.

_Oh well… if you can't beat them, join them_. I thought to myself. I would get another chance to ask them later, so I might as well be sociable now and join in their conversation.

"Why did they move here now?" Angela asked Jessica.

Jessica shrugged as she chewed a bite of her salad, "I don't know, I heard something about their mom deciding she wanted to live in a small town. Apparently they all lived in New York before, but hated it."

"What else do you know?" I asked curiously – it always astounded me just how much Jessica always managed to find out, she was like a real life _Gossip Girl_ or something like that.

"Well… they're not all related; apparently Mr and Mrs. Cullen adopted them all because they can't have children," Jessica explained.

"Oh no, that's awful," Angela gasped.

I nodded – it really was. It always seemed like the bad things happened to good people…

Jessica nodded, "Yeah, I guess. That's not the shocking part though… apparently they're all in couples even though they're siblings, isn't that weird?"

"Jess, they're not really related," I sighed.

"Yeah, but they live together… I think it's weird," she told me defiantly.

"So, who's who? Do you know?" Angela asked, changing the subject slightly.

"Of course," Jessica replied.

We all discreetly turned to look at the family, who were sitting practically motionless by the one of the large windows that overlooked the forest. I was stunned as soon as I saw them… because all of them were incredibly beautiful… _inhumanly beautiful_. They all looked different, but similar at the same time… I couldn't quite place it, but they did.

_How was that even possible?_

"You see the blonde girl… that's Rosalie. She's with the muscular one called Emmett, I've heard that they're both from really troubled backgrounds," Jessica began explaining.

I looked at the couple she was describing and noticed how they looked like they were arguing about something. Rosalie's incredibly beautiful face was pulled into a scowl which looked incredibly intimidating… I knew she was one I would never dare to cross.

"Then that girl with the black hair, she's with the blonde guy next to her. They look really weird together… he's really tall, about 6 foot something and. And she's like, really, _really_ short… shorter then you, Bella. No offence," Jessica told me.

"None taken," I murmured – I wasn't short, well at least I wouldn't call 5 foot 4 short.

"I think they look cute together," Angela whispered quietly.

"I agree," I replied… the way they were looking into each other's eyes was making me feel something that strangely resembled jealousy. And suddenly I was wishing for someone who looked at me the way he looked at her…

Not that like was ever going to happen though, I thought bitterly.

… But that was when my eyes fell on_ him. _

He was sitting on the same table as them but on the edge. He wasn't joining in the conversation, but instead was looking around the cafeteria, an almost desperate look in his eyes.

He looked the least happy, but he was by the far the most beautiful. He was incredible… absolutely perfect. He had hair that was a strange colour of bronze, pale skin, perfect features… I couldn't quite see the colour of his eyes from this distance but they looked just as beautiful as the rest of him.

"Who's he?" I asked breathlessly, unable to tear my eyes away from him.

"That's Edward Cullen," Jessica told me, "he's the only one who's not with anyone, apparently he prefers to keep to himself. Isn't he _gorgeous_?"

I nodded dumbly, unable to move much. However, as soon as she stopped talking, he looked up… right at me. I blushed instantly at being caught staring but I couldn't look away… even from this distance I could see that his eyes were boring right into my own. His expression looked lighter now, and a small crooked smile was tugging at the corner of his mouth.

It was something that just made him even more impossibly handsome.

"Oh my god, he's looking right at me!" Jessica squealed. "Do you think I should go and say hi?"

At her words, I felt myself snap out of my trance… how stupid of me to think he was looking at me. Of course he would prefer someone like Jessica, or in other words… someone who was far prettier than me.

I turned around so my back was facing him and instead watched Jessica touching up on her make-up, with an excited look on her face. Angela only gave me a sympathetic smile, and suggested that Jessica wait a while before talking to him to give him a chance to settle in first.

Jessica reluctantly agreed, but didn't keep her eyes off him for the rest of lunch, and when she went off to get a drink Angela told me he hadn't looked at the table again.

The bell rung and while we were walking to our next class I used that time to ask if they were okay with coming over later. They of course agreed, and I continued mentally preparing myself for whatever reaction they would have.

The rest of my classes after lunch dragged by at an extraordinarily slow place, and by this point I was seriously reconsidering my idea to finish senior year. Maybe I could get a job instead, or do some voluntary work or something…

No, stick to the plan - I told myself – it's just one bad day, it'll get better.

I made my way into my biology class, and began walking to my usual seat, when something or rather _someone_ caught my eye.

It was the handsome, bronze haired boy from earlier, sitting in the seat next to mine which was usually empty. He already had my seat pulled out ready for me, and was watching me… with a soft, sweet smile on his face.

I frowned in confusion – wondering why on earth someone as beautiful as him would be smiling at me – before feeling my own smile forming, as well as a blush to match across my cheeks.

His smile didn't waver as I walked to my seat, feeling shy under his gaze… his golden eyes seemed to shine as they looked at me, whether it was with humour or something else I didn't know.

I somehow managed to sit down without tripping and immediately got my books out of my bag, trying not to look at him as I did. I was too shy to say anything, and internally I hoped that he would be the one to initiate conversation.

And luckily for me… he did.

"Hello," he murmured quietly, "My name's Edward Cullen, I just started here today; I hope you don't mind that I'm sitting here."

I turned to look at him to see him still smiling at me, and felt myself smiling back once again in return.

"Um… no, I don't mind, it will be nice to have someone to talk to," I told him softly, "I'm Bella, by the way."

"I know," he smiled crookedly, "it's very nice to meet you, Bella."

He then held his hand out then in an invitation. I smiled to myself, admiring how formal and polite he was being and decided to just go for it. Edward could be a friend right? There was no reason why not if he was going to be my lab partner for the rest of the year; in fact it would make things a lot more comfortable.

I then reached out and placed my hand in his, jumping slightly at how cold his hand was… it literally felt like ice. But weirdly, it was also comforting at the same time. His hold was gentle yet firm as he gently shook my hand, a wide smile on his face the entire time.

He held my hand in his for a while, before slowly letting go causing me to almost whimper at the loss of contact.

"It's nice to meet you too," I eventually managed to tell him.

His smile turned softer and he nodded once before turning round in his seat to face the front of the classroom… just in time for Mr. Banner to walk in.

Luckily for Edward's sake, Mr. Banner wasn't one of those teachers who insisted on new students introducing themselves to the class on their first day. I could only imagine how awkward it would be to have to do that – first days were probably bad enough without even _more_ unnecessary attention – and I had a feeling Edward wouldn't like it either.

Mr. Banner quickly went ahead with the lesson and I made sure to listen intently – writing down notes with one hand, while nervously playing with my hair with the other. It was a habit I had picked up a while back. I knew that my face must have looked like it was on fire due to my blush, and that my heart was probably almost audible for everyone else in the class to hear.

But I didn't care… I had vowed not to care about things like that anymore, but to rather live in the moment… in other words be Edward's friend if he wanted to be.

Mr. Banner eventually told us to carry on with our work and that he would allow quiet conversation – which immediately led to everyone continuing with their gossiping again.

I rolled my eyes and opened up my textbook trying to find the page I was last on – but beside me Edward was motionless, and even though my side vision was blocked by my hair I was still certain he was watching me for some reason.

I could literally sense it, and for some reason it made me feel different… more alive as strange as that sounds.

After all, how could someone who's dying boast that they're feeling more alive?

It was a strange way to feel I'll give it that, but it was just something in his eyes… the way they looked at me almost as if they could see right through me… the look that was in them almost made me feel special, like I actually stood out for once.

I decided to be brave and look up to see if I was right, and to my delight he was looking at me… his golden eyes were even brighter than before. I smiled shyly, feeling my blush intensify even more and his smile only grew even more.

What on earth is happening here… is this for real? Am I dreaming?

_I pray that I'm not…_

He leant closer to me, so there was a lot less space in between us.

"So, Bella," he murmured, "now we're _finally_ allowed to talk, tell me a little about yourself."

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_**Next Chapter Preview:**_

_(Edward)_

_As I listened to her, fascinated by every little detail she was telling me, I also took the time to just admire her._

_Alice's visions didn't do her beauty justice that's for sure._

_The euphoria from finding her still hadn't worn down and I knew that it never would, because luckily as I continued to talk to her - finding out more about her life - I was discovering that she was just as wonderful as I'd always hoped she would be._

_And I knew without a doubt, that I was falling in love with her already._

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Ah, Edward... so subtle huh?

Just to say before people ask... no, Bella isn't Edward's singer in this story. He is still attracted to her blood but no where near as much as he was in the books - its not difficult for him to control . I figured they've already got enough drama on their plate without adding that.

Anyway, good, bad? Like it?

Thanks for reading! x


	4. Something about you

A/N- Hi, thanks again for the lovely reviews! I'm really happy about the amount I got - I wasn't expecting it at all, so thank you!

So heres chapter four from Edward's POV this time. I hope all like it!

Please let me know what you think! 13 reviews is amazing, so is there any chance of getting that again?

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_"Drawn into the stream of undefined illusion,  
these diamond dreams,  
they disguse the truth.  
That there is something about you baby so right,  
I wouldn't be here without you baby tonight."  
~ Something about you, Cary Brothers._

_**To Wish Impossible Things**_  
_**Chapter Four.**_

_Edward Cullen._

_September 2006._

I couldn't believe that this moment was finally here… it really was something that had been years in the making. For decades I had just wished for someone, someone to care for, and to maybe call my own.

And three weeks ago I had been thrown my lifeline… Alice's visions had showed me a girl telling me she loved me, and this girl was someone that was so perfect… that even my own one hundred year mind couldn't have pictured anyone ever more beautiful.

The idea of someone telling me they loved me was unbelievable, but I knew that I was still a long way off that point, and that I would have to earn that love.

But today I was one step closer because I was going to meet her.

We – me and my family - moved into Fork's just a few days ago, finding that the town suited us perfectly, just like Esme and Alice told us it would. I really enjoyed having the floor to myself that I was promised, as it allowed me to have some privacy away from the couples in the family.

Although I was already finding that hearing them together didn't bother me so much anymore… I didn't really tune in and instead spent the majority of my time playing my old songs on my piano and remembering what I'd seen in Alice's visions.

I had asked her to check several times to see if the visions were still clear… mostly for my own piece of mind, but also so I could properly see them for myself too.

Luckily, they had stayed exactly the same… none of them had altered at all. But at the same time, nothing new had appeared which did confuse me a little, but I eventually came to the conclusion that it was probably because I hadn't met her yet, so the other things that were going to happen hadn't become certain.

Not yet anyway.

Luckily my family continued to be very supportive which only encouraged me even more – and I couldn't help but wonder why I ever considered leaving them in the first place.

Rosalie was the only exception to that though, and made it a point to always visibly cringe or leave the room whenever Alice's visions were mentioned, but she hadn't said anything out loud yet, and I wasn't going to waste my time asking her what her problem was. Knowing Rosalie I probably wouldn't like what I would end up hearing anyway, so if she wants to tell me… I'll accept that, just so long as she doesn't try to ruin the plan in any way.

We were all currently sitting in the cafeteria on our first day at Forks high, blocking out the noise of the humans filling the room – most of them were gossiping about us the 'new arrivals', and to be honest, most of things they were coming out with was ridiculous.

According to some of them, we were on the run from the FBI… which was incredibly stupid. They couldn't be further from the truth.

My family were here for a number of reasons - for a fresh start, a new town they might be happier in, and the chance to go to a new school…

But me… I knew I was only here for _her_.

It had been a dull day so far at the school – I had searched through the minds of many of the humans trying to see if I could get a glimpse of her, but she hadn't appeared anywhere. I was suddenly worrying if she was even here at all… I know that Alice's vision had shown me and her in a classroom, but what if things had changed?

Just as I was seriously beginning to panic, I felt a wave of piece and calm wash over me, completely taking away my fears.

_Relax, Edward. You're even making me stressed. Be happy okay? You've been waiting for this, _– Jasper told me through his mind.

I nodded and tried to relax a little more, once again grateful for Jaspers power of mood control. I would be struggling if it wasn't for him… and Alice of course. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her visions… I would be off in some cave or forest alone, wallowing in my misery. And not here… waiting to meet her, the girl who might just change everything.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice smiling encouragingly at me, and I smiled back, before going back to my previous task of looking around the room for her. Beside me my family kept up the act, and talked quietly to each other while pretending to eat the revolting food they had in front of them.

I continued looking, growing more desperate for a glimpse of her as time passed. It seemed like this room wasn't big enough for all the students and that everyone was moving about- it was hard to see across the length of the room. I turned my head away for a moment sighing sadly.

That was when I heard it.

"Who's he?" a soft, musical voice asked.

"That's Edward Cullen," – a voice that I recognised as belonging to Jessica Stanley, or in other words 'the biggest gossiper about us' replied – "he's the only one who's not with anyone, apparently he prefers to keep to himself. Isn't he _gorgeous?"_

I looked up then and followed the sound of the voices across the room… and then… _I saw her. _

And she was _so_ beautiful.

I could see her brown eyes clearly, and smiled as I noticed she was looking right at me. Her expression was filled with curiosity and intrigue, clearly wondering who we all were and why we were here. She didn't know me yet – but I knew what she may just become to me. I could feel myself relaxing, and knew this time it wasn't because of Jasper… it was because I had finally seen her.

I couldn't wait to start talking to her… to see her up close and to find out everything about her. It wouldn't be long now… I wondered what she thought about me, but for some reason I couldn't quite tune in on her thoughts.

I had no time to consider why that was, when her idiotic friend Jessica interrupted.

"Oh my god, he's looking right at me!" she squealed, in an irritatingly high pitched voice, "do you think I should go and say hi?"

_Please don't, please don't. _

How had she got into her head that I was staring at her? Why would I?

I instantly turned my head away from their table, internally whimpering at the loss of seeing my girl. I just hoped that she didn't believe what Jessica said, and I continued to pray that Jessica wouldn't come over here… it would only lead to humiliation for her.

Luckily the other girl sitting next to her, who I figured out was called Angela managed to convince Jessica to wait a while before coming to talk to me – to give me a chance to settle in first. I laughed to myself – time wasn't going to make my reaction to Jessica any different.

And then when Jessica temporarily left the table, Angela turned around and said something else that made me even happier –

"He hasn't looked at the table once since you turned back around; I really think he was looking at you, Bella."

_Bella… my girls name was Bella…_

How perfect – I couldn't imagine a more fitting name for such an angel. It suited her completely.

"I don't know, Ang. Why would someone like him be looking at someone like me?"

I sighed sadly, hating to hear her putting herself down – couldn't she see that she was far more beautiful than the other girls here?

I vowed to make sure she saw herself clearly – she would always be told how beautiful she was, when I got to know her that was.

Lunch quickly ended and after saying goodbye to my family and promising to meet them in the car lot after school, I went to my next class, eagerly waiting for biology later today.

That time eventually came, and I quickly rushed to the classroom, making my way to the seat Alice told me to sit in – apparently it was the spare one next to Bella. Alice insisted it would be the perfect opportunity to begin to get to know Bella, and I certainly wasn't going to miss it.

Bella eventually entered the room, looking incredibly startled to see me sitting at her desk. I smiled at her, thrilled to properly see her closer, and she frowned for a moment before smiling shyly back at me… something that only made me smile even wider.

I tried once again to tune in on her thoughts but got nothing… it was like her mind was completely blank. Despite my frustration and confusion at this, I tried to push it to the back of my mind for now – I could always talk to Carlisle about it later.

I watched her walk to her seat, and introduced myself to her, hoping she would be accepting about me sitting here – for all I knew she might have preferred to be alone – but luckily she was very nice about it, although the adorable blush on her cheeks told me that perhaps she was a little shy.

Mr. Banner came in soon after and got on with the lesson, but I couldn't tell anyone what he said… I wasn't even listening.

Instead I was watching her.

She was writing notes, listening intently to the class, but one hand was playing absentmindedly with her hair.

I smiled to myself as I watched her… because this was one of Alice's visions.

Eventually Mr. Banner told us to just continue with her textbook work – something that pleased a lot of the class – but I just remained motionless. At strange as it may sound I was actually nervous about making conversation with Bella… what if I said something that she didn't like?

At that moment she turned around to look at me, blushing beautifully when she caught me looking at her and with that I felt all my nervousness fade away. This was my chance to start getting to know her.

So with that positive thought, I leant towards her a little more, "So, Bella," I murmured, "now we're _finally_ allowed to talk, tell me a little about yourself."

Her eyes widened in surprise before she calmed and smiled again, "Like what?" she asked me.

"Anything," I shrugged.

She nodded, frowning slightly, "I might bore you," she murmured quietly, not looking at me.

"I doubt that," I grinned.

"Okay…" she hesitated, "well, I've always lived in Fork's… that's not very interesting is it? Erm… it's just me and my dad; he's the police chief here. My mom left years ago because of some… _stuff_. I haven't seen her since but that doesn't bother me…"

As she spoke softly, I sat there, completely absorbed by everything she was telling me and as I listened to her - fascinated by every little detail she was telling me - I also took the time to just admire her.

Alice's visions didn't do her beauty justice that's for sure.

The euphoria from finding her still hadn't worn down and I knew that it never would, because luckily as I continued to talk to her - finding out more about her life - I was discovering that she was just as wonderful as I'd always hoped she would be.

And I knew without a doubt, that I was falling in love with her already.

"I'm sorry, I'm guessing that wasn't the kind of stuff you want to hear right?" she frowned.

"No, it was nice," I replied, "it sounds like you're lucky to have each other – you and your dad I mean."

"We are," she agreed, seeming thoughtful for a moment before smiling back at me, "so now I've spoken, I think it's time for you to return the favour. Tell me a little about your family."

"Oh, where to start…" I grinned at her,

I then launched into brief descriptions of everyone in my family, just generally describing a bit about each of them, leaving out Carlisle and Esme though.

I briefly wondered if I was boring Bella, but one glance at her proved otherwise - instead she listened intently, her brown eyes bright, interested and showing no sign of boredom as she heard everything I had to say about them. I told her about Emmett, and his fun loving, almost idiotic self and about Alice, Jasper and Rosalie too, telling her a couple of details about how we're all 'adopted' and how the rest of them excluding me are in couples.

I made sure to leave out the details about all of us being vampires though… causing her to run screaming from the room wouldn't exactly be the best way to make the most of this opportunity would it?

"They all sound great, Alice especially," she admitted, once I had finished talking.

"Yeah they are," I agreed.

"You're so lucky," she told me wistfully, "I've always wished that I could have had siblings."

"Oh, you wouldn't be saying that if you had to endure one of Emmett's pranks… it would put you off wanting a brother for life," I told her.

"He's that bad huh?" she asked me.

"Yep," I nodded.

She laughed quietly, "I'm sure I could cope," she murmured.

I nodded, and was about to say something else when I noticed something on her hand – it was some sort of comment written on there in blue pen.

"What have you got written there?" I asked curiously.

She lifted up her hand so I could see, and I quietly whispered the words I saw out loud -

'_I can avoid being seen if I wish, but to disappear entirely, that is a rare gift.'_

I stayed quiet for a moment absorbing the words and the meaning behind them, however Bella must have misinterpreted my silence for something else, as she suddenly moved her hand away from my view, embarrassed.

"Yeah… I always have a quote written on my hand. It's weird I know… but it's something I've done for years," she mumbled.

"No, that's not weird, not at all. Why did you pick that quote though?" I asked.

"I'm not sure… just because it relates to me I guess," she told me, "It's stupid I know that."

"It's not… I like that quote, did you think of it?" I asked her.

"Yeah I did," she admitted.

"It's good," I told her, smiling.

"Thanks," she smiled, "so… what do you think of it here so far? I forgot to ask before."

"Hmm, it's okay," I told her, leaning even closer than before so I could almost feel her breath on my face, "but you know what? I'm starting to think that I'm going to _love_ it here."

Her eyes went wide and her blush intensified – only making her even more adorable, "Good… that's erm, good. I'm glad you… feel that way," she stuttered, smiling at me shyly.

I smiled, nodding, and decided to go right ahead now with my plan to ask her if she wanted to sit with me and my family at lunch tomorrow… it was pretty quick of me, but it was worth taking the risk.

So, I lowered my voice a little, "Hey, Bella, do you-"

However, my words were cut off by the shrill sound of the bell ringing. Immediately everyone jumped from their seats and began heading out of the classroom, barely listening to Mr. Banner's instructions about their homework. He chose to follow them out of the class, insistent on making them listen to him.

But I was still rooted to my spot, surprised that the hour had gone so fast.

And apparently, Bella was surprised too - "wow, that went quick," she laughed, breathlessly.

"Yeah, I guess so," I murmured, barely hiding my disappointment.

We both packed our books away, and stood up from our seats, however when I turned to look at Bella I noticed that suddenly she didn't look very well… she was swaying barely able to stand and looked close to passing out.

"Bella, are you okay?" I asked worriedly.

"I…" she barely began to speak before she suddenly collapsed, her legs giving out under her. It was a good thing I had quick reflexes – I only just caught her in time before her head hit the floor.

Completely panicked I pulled her up so she was standing but resting against my chest for support – I looked down at her to see her eyes were wide but unfocused, and that she was violently shaking. I held her close to me, mostly for support for her but also for myself… I was suddenly very worried.

Was my girl okay?

"Bella, are you okay?" I repeated softly.

She looked up at me, tears filling her brown eyes, "I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me," she whispered, "I thought that I was – I mean, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Ssh, it's okay," I whispered, moving my arms so one was wrapped around her waist to support her and so one was gently stroking her hair, hopefully to soothe her a little. Luckily, she seemed like she was already feeling a bit better – she wasn't shaking so much now and seemed steadier on her feet.

"I really don't know what happened – it's probably because I haven't eaten much," she told me.

I nodded, realising that explanation made sense. I just hoped it was true.

Bella tried to take a step but only swayed on her feet again – I tightened my hold on her. "I'm sorry," she whispered, wiping tears away from her cheeks.

"It's okay, I've got you," I told her, silently vowing to always look after her and make sure she's okay from now on.

No matter what she decided she wanted from me, I knew that I would always protect her from this day forward. I already adored her and knew that I would do anything for her if she asked me too.

And so, I held her even tighter, and leant down so my lips were pressing against her hair.

"It will all be okay… I've got you," I whispered to her again.

* * *

_**Next chapter preview:**_

_(Bella)_

_Alice grinned and linked her arm through mine, and began leading me towards the table. I looked up to see all of them watching our approach – Jasper and Emmett both had surprised expressions on their faces, while Edward had a wide, beautiful smile on his face._

_But Rosalie… she was looking at me like she wished I would just disappear – her expression was like pure ice, and I had to admit… it was frightening me a little._

_I considered turning and running away right then, but another look at Edward's excited expression made me change my mind._

_I sighed to myself… what on earth am I getting myself into?_

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Hmm... what do you all think?

Next chapter will be up soon, please let me know if you liked this chapter - I'm so nervous about this one for some reason!

Thanks for reading! x


	5. Winter

A/N- Hi, once again thanks for the brilliant reviews! I'm once again so happy with the sweet comments, and how many people are enjoying this so far :) I hope you all stick around!

So heres Chapter Five, and we're back to Bella again!

So it was 16 reviews for the last chapter, I'm not expecting that many again, but some comments would be amazing, so please review!

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"_I should know who I am by now,  
__I walk.  
__The record stands somehow,  
__Thinking of winter,  
__Your name is the splinter inside me while I wait."  
__~ Winter, Joshua Radin. _

_**To wish impossible things**_  
_**Chapter Five**_.

_Isabella Swan._

_September 2006_.

Today had been a weird day… it was one that had left me emotionally exhausted, confused and almost thrilled… or as I should say, thrilled beyond belief.

I still didn't know what exactly happened in Biology earlier, looking back on it I actually wonder if my crazy mind has somehow conjured it up, because surely there's no way it could be real?

I'm plain and normal while he's beautiful and wonderful… which in other words meant that something just wasn't right in this equation. It's simple; people like Edward Cullen don't pay attention to people like me… they just don't. And even if they do, it's not in the way he acted around me; it's usually because they feel obliged to be nice for some reason.

But Edward… well, that was something completely different.

He actually wanted to talk to me… he told me about his family and appeared genuinely interested when I talked about my life. His beautiful, yet unusual golden eyes never once appeared bored, but rather too interested instead.

Almost like he cared about what I had to say too much.

It was a great hour, one that completely distracted me from everything else – Edward was new, which meant that he knew nothing about me and therefore didn't feel the need to treat me the way the rest of the students do. And for once I felt normal – like a normal teenage girl quickly developing a crush that I would inevitably regret.

But then of course, real life had to interfere again.

I had felt completely fine, so the wave of dizziness hit me like a ton of bricks, literally knocking me off my feet, and right into Edward's arms. At the time I wasn't thinking much – I was too deeply in shock and trying to regain some sense, but after a minute or so I suddenly snapped back into awareness.

And instead of feeling embarrassed… I felt heartbroken.

It was a harsh reminder of the cancer that was quickly spreading through me that I had tried so hard to push to the back of my mind. It reminded me that I wasn't a normal girl - I wasn't normal at all - and that fact managed to break me. Just because I had enjoyed Edward's company so much, and it almost seemed like he enjoyed mine too.

At the time he was very sweet and helped me, but once I had regained my strength I quickly made my way out of there and to my next class. At the time he was very concerned but I have no doubt that he'll now be wondering just what he was doing talking to someone like me.

And that will be that.

Tomorrow will be the same as always, filled with my usual routine, and even though that's the way it's been for a while, I know it won't be okay with me.

But I'll deal with it.

Anyway, after the end of school, I quickly made my way home and rung Charlie to tell him I was okay. He now insisted that I always call him every time I got home from school, just for reassurance.

He had been really strong since the diagnosis, but small things like this are just solid proof to me about just how much he really is hurting. Charlie had never been one to show his emotions through expression or words, but rather through actions such as this.

And he would never admit for fear of hurting me but I knew for sure that this was killing him deep inside though. How could it not?

I always avoided talking to him about the cancer as much as possible – in fact there wasn't really anyone I talked to, only Dr. Snow, but that wasn't very often at all. I knew it wasn't healthy keeping all my emotions to myself, and that if I carried on this way I would probably end up exploding due to everything.

Hopefully that would change though, because tonight I was going to tell two people the truth, like I should have told them two months ago… and those two people were my friends, Angela and Jessica. We were all currently sitting on the sofa in my front room, talking about everything that happened at school earlier. Jessica was telling us about how Edward apparently smiled at her when he passed her in the car lot at the end of school – which was something that only made me feel even more resigned.

I decided to cut straight to the chase, "hey, you know how I told you both I had something important to tell you earlier…?" I paused for a moment, waiting for them to nod, "Well, I'm afraid it's not good, what I have to tell you I mean."

"Is it bad?" Angela frowned.

"Very bad," I nodded.

"You're not leaving are you?" Jessica gasped.

"Erm, no, well… not exactly," I stuttered nervously.

"Okay, now you're confusing me. What's wrong?" Jessica asked.

I took a deep breath, and looked at both of them, at their curious almost frightened faces. I decided then that getting it over with would be the best option, so I just blurted out - "I'm dying."

There was a long silence after that, and the only noise that filled the room was our breathing, which was rushed and heavy. Angela and Jessica's face were frozen into a mask of shock and disbelief.

"Wh… what?" Angela eventually whispered, her voice cracking.

"My cancers returned… and this time, there's nothing they can do about it." I told her quietly.

"But… I… it can't be true," she sighed, her eyes already clouding over with tears.

"You told us you were in remission!" Jessica exclaimed.

"I was, but I'm not anymore," I told her sadly.

"How long?" Angela asked softly.

"How long what?" I asked.

"Duh, how long have you known about this? And how long have you got left?" Jessica asked.

"I've known since July, they told me then that I would have a year at most, so… it's less then that now." I told her truthfully.

She nodded, and suddenly appeared deep in thought, I wondered for a moment what she was thinking about, but my thoughts were cut off as Angela suddenly pulled me in for a hug. I immediately hugged her back and began crying as soon as I heard her tears.

"I just can't believe it! You're only seventeen how can you by dying? It's just not fair!" she sobbed.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair," I laughed bitterly.

She nodded and pulled away to look at me, "Are you okay with this?" she asked, wiping away her tears.

"Not really, it hasn't really sunk in yet you know? And I don't think it ever will," I shrugged as I mimicked her actions and wiped away my own tears.

"It must be so scary," she whispered.

"It is," I admitted.

"How's your dad taken it?" she asked.

"The best he can I guess… I can tell its hurting him though," I told her.

Another set of tears rolled down her cheeks, "I'm so sorry, Bella. For all of this, you don't deserve it at all. But if it helps, I'm here for you in any way you need me, we both are, aren't we Jess?"

"Yeah, of course," Jess whispered, speaking up for the first time in a while.

I looked up at her to see her expression matched Angela's, it was full of pain and several tears were also falling down her cheeks.

And it was then, that I broke down.

Instantly both their arms were around me, holding me tightly as I cried about everything. They both whispered words of reassurance, telling me it was all going to be okay, there was no need to be scared and that they'd both be there for me.

I was suddenly so relieved I had told them and knew that what they were saying was right… I knew they'd be there for me, and that there was so need to be scared just yet – I just had to enjoy my life while I could, because I still had a little while. Besides death was natural wasn't it? It was something everyone did eventually – it was an inevitability.

But I knew one of the things they were saying was wrong… it wasn't going to be okay.

How could it be?

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

I was like a zombie by the time school started the next day – Angela and Jessica had stayed quite late, and after they left I barely got any sleep. Instead I just lay in bed, tossing and turning, with my head too full of thoughts to even get close to drifting off. I eventually made it to sleep at about 5 am, two hours before my alarm was due to go off, but my dream was too heavy… it involved me being underwater, unable to get to the surface. Voices were calling for me, begging me to keep fighting, to keep swimming, but the current was too strong and kept pulling me under, into the deep darkness.

It was also a cold night – I could hear the wind rustling the trees and the rain hitting the window, which was something I think contributed to my nightmare. It's not like I hated the cold weather… I actually loved winter for that exact reason, and I always had – it had always been my favourite time of year. However, now winter was fast approaching I was now dreading it… because I knew it would be the last one I'd ever experience.

I woke up the next morning looking very pale with dark shadows under my eyes, needless to say I worried Charlie a lot when he saw me… but once I had reassured him it was just lack of sleep that was my problem he was okay.

My cell phone hadn't stopped beeping with new texts this morning from Jessica and Angela, asking if I was okay – they weren't going to be in school today because they were on a field trip, so I wasn't going to see them again until Monday now.

The thought of not having any company today depressed me a little, but I just planned to spend my lunch in the library. Heck, maybe I could actually decide what tattoo I wanted to get this weekend. I still had no idea whatsoever and knew at this rate I would probably end with a dragon or something predictable like that.

I was in my English class, drawing a couple more ideas down on a spare sheet of paper, when someone suddenly sat down beside me. I looked around slowly, curious to see who it was, only to see the girl I recognised as Edward's sister from the cafeteria yesterday.

"Hi!" she grinned when I looked over at her, "I'm Alice, I'm new here."

I frowned in confusion – what is it with this family and being so confident and pushy - It was nice, I had to admit - but it confused me to no end.

And why was it me they were being so nice too?

"Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Bella," I told her quietly.

"Oh, I know," she grinned, "we're going to be such great friends!"

"Erm, okay…" I replied, even more stunned then before.

"Is it okay if I sit here?" she asked me, even though she was already sitting down with her books placed in front of her.

"Yeah, sure, its normally empty anyway," I told her, smiling, trying to not feel to inferior next to her… she was just so beautiful too, just like Edward. She had the same golden eyes and pale skin as him, but looked completely different otherwise. She had very dainty, elfin like features, where as Edward's were very angular and handsome.

This would make sense considering they're supposed to be adopted and therefore not at all biologically related, although I couldn't help but wonder why all their eyes and skin were the same colour…

"What are you drawing?" she asked suddenly, interrupting my thoughts.

"Oh, erm, its designs for a tattoo," I told her, surprised by her question.

"Oh, that's cool! Are you getting one done then?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm getting it done this weekend," I replied.

"That's really brave," she told me, before looking at the drawings, "I like that one by the way."

"The Swan?" I asked her, looking at the one she'd pointed out.

"Yeah, it's really pretty," she complimented.

"Hmm, it_ is_ one of my favourites… I'll put it on the maybe list. Thanks," I smiled at her. "So, what do you think of it here so far?"

"I love it," she told me.

"Really, you love it?" I asked, surprised.

"Mm hm, what's not to love?" she told me, shrugging.

"So you don't mind all the rain?" I frowned.

"Eh, that is a downside I guess," she agreed, grinning. "But it's nice here… its great to live away from the city for a while. Although I am missing all the shopping," she told me.

"You like shopping?" I asked, cringing at the thought of the activity.

"Like is an understatement," she replied, smiling, "I _love_ it."

I nodded, and watched as the teacher walked into the class, when beside me, Alice suddenly squealed.

"Oh my god, we should totally go shopping together sometime!"

I bit my lip, "I don't know, I'm not the biggest fan of it, as you can probably tell," I told her, gesturing to my outfit.

"That's all the more reason to go! I can help you pick out some stuff, it'll be really fun," she pleaded with me.

I sat back and thought about it. She called it fun, and that was something I was lacking in, so why the hell not? I might just enjoy it and if not, then at least I can say I tried. I had planned to try as many things as I could…

"Okay then, we'll plan to go sometime if you want," I smiled at her.

Her answering squeal was deafening.

English class passed quickly after that… it was filled with light, fun conversation, and never a dull moment. I decided that I already really liked Alice – she was outgoing and just so incredibly happy, so much so that it was infectious. I already felt so comfortable and confident with her and I knew that she was right in what she said… we were going to be great friends. Internally I was thanking the whole family for moving here… they had already brightened up an incredibly dull week, and somehow made things seem better, just by being nice to me.

It was near the end of class when Alice turned to me again,

"Is it okay if I sit with you at lunch?" she asked me.

"Um, yeah, sure," I told her, smiling. "It will be just us today though, as my friends Jessica and Angela are on a trip."

"Oh, that's more then fine," she grinned.

The bell rung at that moment so we packed our things away and left the room, heading towards the cafeteria, but as we walked I couldn't help but notice that people were looking at the both of us curiously as we walked down the hall. It made me self conscious but Alice didn't seem to notice – she only skipped alongside me, still chatting happily.

When we were in the cafeteria we got straight in the queue and bought some food, making light conversation as we did so. We then stood, trying to find a table to sit at when I noticed Alice's family sitting in their usual table.

Beside me, Alice began smiling as she noticed them too.

She turned to me, "Oh, look all my family are there… why don't we join them?"

"Alice, I don't know," I sighed, mentally berating myself – I should have known she would insist on this.

"Why not?" she frowned, seeming surprised at my reluctance.

"I… I don't want to intrude," I told her, somewhat honestly. They all looked really close – they were family after all – so I would most likely end up looking like the odd one out.

Besides… what if like I had worried about earlier, Edward had decided last night that he didn't want to be seen talking to me? It wasn't impossible, and I wouldn't blame him for that. Surely he would have to come to his senses at some point so why not now?

"You won't be intruding! I promise," Alice insisted, "they all really want to meet you."

"They do?" I asked, incredulous. I felt like asking _'why?'_, but instead I just bit my tongue. "I… I still don't know, Alice."

"Oh, come on, please? I promise it'll be okay," Alice begged.

I sighed, looking away from her pleading face, knowing it would only break my resolve. However, as I turned away from her, I somehow managed to catch the eye of Edward, who was looking at me, even from this distance, with a soft, sweet smile on his face. It was a smile that threw all my insecurities out of the window – because it was clear from it that he wasn't bored of me just yet.

He would be eventually, and it was inevitable that I was going to end up hurt, but why couldn't I enjoy it just for now?

And so, I let out a long breath, "okay then," I reluctantly agreed.

Alice grinned and linked her arm through mine, and began leading me towards the table. I looked up to see all of them watching our approach – Jasper and Emmett both had surprised expressions on their faces, while Edward had a wide, beautiful smile on his face.

But Rosalie… she was looking at me like she wished I would just disappear – her expression was like pure ice, and I had to admit… it was frightening me a little.

I considered turning and running away right then, but another look at Edward's excited expression made me change my mind.

I sighed to myself… what on earth am I getting myself into?

When we reached the table, Alice immediately sat down in the seat next to Jasper which left only one spare seat… which was conveniently next to Edward. I decided to just be brave and smiled as I sat down next to him. Luckily he smiled back, and opened his mouth to say something when Alice interrupted -

"Everyone, this is mine and Edward's friend, Bella." She announced, smiling.

All of them apart from Rosalie said hi, and I shyly said hi back, knowing that my blush must have been very obvious to all of They were all looking at me like they were interested… too interested. Occasionally one of them would lean forward, as if they were going to say something but then stopped themselves.

I shifted, uncomfortable in my seat under all of their gazes.

Alice luckily broke the silence right then, "how revolting is this food? It doesn't even look edible!" she groaned.

It was a comment that surprised me because I hadn't seen her eat anything yet – but I decided to ignore that, knowing that she was just trying to break the tension.

So, I decided to join in, "tell me about it, I swear I nearly broke my jaw trying to eat the meatloaf last week," I laughed dryly.

Luckily it was a comment that made them all smile and from then on everyone began talking, and I was once again surprised by just how nice they all were – Emmett was very funny, and seemed to enjoy making everyone laugh as much as possible. Jasper was quiet, but very nice, and for some reason I didn't feel at all nervous around him.

Actually… it was like all my nerves had disappeared as soon as I sat down at the table, and instead I now felt very calm and relaxed as I laughed and joked with them all. I didn't even notice Rosalie's hostile glare anymore and instead focused my attention on everyone else.

Eventually, they all fell into a conversation I didn't feel the need to involve myself in, so I focused myself on eating. I could feel Edward's gaze on me though, but I tried to act casual.

Eventually though, he decided to speak up, "Hey, are you feeling okay?" he asked me softly.

I looked up at him to see his golden eyes creased in concern, and smiled reassuringly at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine why?" I replied.

"I was just asking because of what happened yesterday and because you look a little tired," he told me, still concerned.

I cringed, not needing a reminder of how awful I looked, "Yeah, I didn't sleep much… the rain kept me up."

"I see," he nodded, the frown still on his face.

I decided to distract him a little, "Look, I just want to say thank you for yesterday in Biology, you were really sweet," I told him gently.

"It's no problem, Bella." He replied softly, his eyes bright.

I blushed under his gaze, but didn't look away from his eyes, not wanting to break the contact. I didn't feel uncomfortable or shy at all, but rather more… flattered I guess. I knew without a doubt that my crush on him was already increasing tenfold.

"Hey Edward, did Bella tell you about her tattoo?" Alice asked, interrupting our staring at each other.

His eyes widened in surprise as he glanced at Alice once before returning his gaze to me, "you have a tattoo?" he asked curiously.

"Erm, no… I'm planning on getting one on Saturday though," I replied.

"Oh right, what one are you getting?" he asked.

"I'm not sure yet, I haven't decided," I told him.

"Ah… well I'm sure that whatever you decide on will look great," he smiled at me.

"Thanks," I replied, blushing even more.

Emmett then said something that gained Edward's attention, taking his gaze away from me.

And just like I always do… I typically began panicking about everything.

In this moment, it really did seem like Edward wanted to be my friend, which was amazing, but how was it going to work? I didn't really have a life outside of school, my illness, my dad and this town. How on earth was I going to keep someone as wonderful and other worldly as him interested?

He would be bored of me in no time.

After all, I'm not who I once was… once upon a time I used to be more confident, sarcastic and interesting… but its like being sick has slowly taken away a lot of that, leaving behind a girl who's just a shell… and confused about how exactly to live her final days.

But then I realized something… there was this quote I had once seen, that I had loved like all the others.

'_Sometimes you have to get lost, to find yourself again'_

Maybe this one could be true for me.

All of a sudden I felt a wave of calm rush over me, and all of the panic I was feeling disappear once again. I felt exhausted from all the different emotions I was feeling today, but that wasn't what caught my attention in that moment.

Instead it was Edward's hand, which had started stroking my hair… he was gentle as he weaved his fingers and ran his fingers through the strands, and did it so calmly… like it really was natural.

I looked up to see him smiling at me, and I smiled back, feeling my heart flutter in my chest. His hand didn't stop its movement and I felt myself unconsciously moving closer to him, wanting him to continue.

I didn't have a clue what was happening… but I sure as hell didn't want it to stop. I wanted it to continue, because this emotion I was feeling right now just felt too incredible, I never wanted it to end.

I noticed that the end of lunch was fast approaching, and smiled about the fact that I still had an entire hour with Edward later on. I looked up at him, and decided to be bold - "so are you looking forward to biology then?" I asked him.

"I can't wait," he replied, grinning, "And you know why…?"

"Why?" I asked.

He smiled more and leant forward so his breath was brushing against my ear, "… because I have the _prettiest_ lab partner to sit next too."

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**_Next chapter preview:_**

_(Edward)_

_She was standing by her truck, looking around for all of us. I could see she was wearing the clothes Alice had bought for her – which only accentuated her beauty even more._

_So instead of just running right over to her, I decided to stay back for a moment just watching her and appreciating this moment – a moment I never thought I would have._

_Only, she then turned her eyes in my direction and noticed me watching her. I smiled at her and made my way over to her, almost running in my haste. When I was in front of her, I immediately wrapped my arms around her, hugging her for the very first time. It was incredible finally getting to hold her… being able to feel her and her warmth. She must have been surprised at my boldness, but didn't say anything. Instead she just wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me back._

_Smiling at her actions, I leant down so my lips were close to her ear and whispered - "Happy birthday, my Bella."_

_

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_

So... we've got a bit of flirtward... what do you think? ;)

Next chapter should be up in less then a week and we'll back to EPOV, so please let me know what you think about this chapter!

Thanks for reading! x


	6. Just the way you are

A/N- Hi, thanks again for the reviews! We're over half way to one hundred so yay for that! Thank you for all the lovely comments, I'm so happy people are enjoying this.

So yeah, we're back to Edward again. This is almost a filler chapter... but not quite because its got two things in it that will lead to big twists later on. Besides, I wanted another chapter of Edward getting to know his Bella and more of him falling for her, I hope you all like it. And one thing : if this chapter doesn't make you love Edward, then I don't know what will.

I'm obsessed with the song for the chapter... try and listen to it. Its one of those songs you wish you could have sung to you, and just the way this Edward feels about Bella.

I really hope you all like the chapter, please review and let me know what you think!

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"_Oh her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shining.  
__Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying.  
__She's so beautiful, and I tell her everyday,  
__When I see your face… there's not a thing that I would change.  
__Cause you're amazing just the way you are.  
__And when you smile… the whole world stops and stares for a while,  
__Cause girl, you're amazing just the way you are."  
__~ Just the way you are, Bruno Mars._

**_To Wish Impossible Things_**

**_Chapter Six._**

_Edward Cullen_

_September 2006._

The days and nights passed quickly and before I knew it, the middle of September was fast approaching. It was the fastest that time had passed for me in a long time – I know that my family may say the opposite as they think of time as endless and say it always passes quickly… because they know they'll never run out of it. But it was different for me… until now; time had passed so slowly because I had nothing to fill it with. I was alone and internally panicking about the idea of eternally staying this way, so the years had passed very slowly – even a day seemed to go on and on.

But everything had changed now… time was passing so much quicker because my life was quickly beginning to revolve around Bella.

At first when I got here I was completely obsessed with finding the beautiful girl I had seen in Alice's visions and getting to know her as best as I could. I was in love with the idea of her… someone who would be able to bring life back into me. However, as I got to know her, I gradually began falling completely in love with her. We had a lot in common and I found her to be completely endearing – and although I was confused at first, I now loved the fact that I couldn't read her mind. She was always surprising me, and saying and doing the last thing I expected.

I had asked Carlisle why I couldn't read her mind, but he had no idea as to why that was. He was currently researching ideas of what could be different with Bella's mind to cause this, but it didn't really concern me… I loved that she was different in this way.

I quite literally adored her already.

It wasn't just me though, as my family already adored her too – especially Alice, who was already gushing about how Bella was quickly turning into the best friend she'd never had. I was glad to see how well they were getting on, and how accepting Emmett and Jasper were of the idea of her being around. I noticed that the more they got to know her the more they liked her… just like how I did. Emmett liked her quick wit and humour, while Jasper loved how thoughtful and intelligent she was. He noticed that Bella herself was becoming more comfortable too – even though she was incredibly confused as to why we were paying so much attention to her. He said that she often felt unworthy and inferior too, which was something we all planned to change.

She'd been sitting at lunch with us while Angela and Jessica were forced to work on a project they had left to the last minute to complete, and I couldn't help but notice how much she fitted into the family… she was like the missing piece to the puzzle. The piece that we didn't know we were missing until now.

Even Rosalie was managing to be a little more friendly to Bella as she also learnt things about her – I knew that her thoughts weren't so kind but I ignored them easily… all that mattered was that she was being nice out loud and not upsetting Bella. As far as I was concerned, Rosalie could keep her thoughts to herself.

As a way to get to spend even more time with Bella, I now made it a habit to get to school earlier just to wait for her to arrive… at first I started off just watching her, but a few days ago I started going over to walk her to her first class. It was a good opportunity to talk to her and find out even more things I wanted to know, so I planned to make it a permanent activity of mine.

Alice had been shopping with her a couple of days ago and found out something very interesting – that it was Bella's 18th birthday on the 13th of this month. Initially I was surprised that Bella hadn't told me or anyone else, but I eventually realised it was because she was a private person and didn't want too much attention.

However, knowing Alice she was probably already planning something, just as like how I was… I knew I hadn't known her long, but I just couldn't resist the idea of buying her a birthday present. I just had to decide what to buy her now.

I contemplated my options as I stood leaning against the lockers, watching the hoards of teenagers pass by. Many of them glanced at me as they walked by, and I heard their thoughts and their spoken comments that were also focused around me, or in their words, 'the weird new kid' so needless to say none of them really took my interest.

… Instead I was just holding out for a glimpse of Bella.

More people passed and I felt my hope waning… perhaps Bella was already in class. It didn't matter that I wasn't going to be able to walk her to class; I would see her there anyway, as it was Biology next.

I was just about to give up and walk to class, thinking that Bella was possibly already there when someone blocked my path. I looked up to see Bella's vile friend Jessica Stanley in front of me, a wide, flirty smile on her face.

"Hey Edward," she murmured in what I assumed she thought was a seductive tone.

I nodded at her, before looking away down the hall, "Hello," I murmured.

She took a step closer to me, "I'm Jessica; it's _so_ great to meet you."

"Hm," I nodded, glancing around the hall desperately trying to think of some excuse to leave that wouldn't make me come across as rude. Nothing against her, but I had a feeling where this was heading already – I had heard her thoughts through the last couple of weeks, and lets just say she was very creative in her mind. It included several images that I wish I had never seen and instantly told me to stay away from her… if not this could get awkward, considering she was Bella's friend and all.

"How are you?" she asked, acting as if we were friends and that this wasn't the first time we were speaking.

"Fine, you?" I replied, keeping my replies curt.

"I'm great thank you!" she grinned, stepping closer to me. "So do you like it here so far?"

I tried to step back but found it impossible since I was already leaning against a locker. "Erm, yes its okay," I replied.

"Good! Listen, how about I make it a little better?" she asked. "How about-"

I didn't hear what she said after that, because I suddenly noticed Bella walking past us. She took one glance at me and how close Jessica was stood before looking downwards, and completely diverting her view away from us. She picked up her pace and quickly walked by and out of sight, into the crowd of people.

I stared after her longingly, silently cursing Jessica and her horrible timing.

I listened to Jessica's thoughts and noticed that they were all centred on me and my looks – she didn't know that Bella had walked by because she walked behind her.

"So what do you say?" Jessica asked, breaking my train of thought.

"To what?" I mumbled, finding myself annoyed with her – if she hadn't have appeared then I could be talking to Bella right now.

"I asked if you'd like to go on a date… with me?" she told me slowly.

I sighed, and managed to fight off the urge to roll my eyes, "no thank you," I told her bluntly, knowing it was the best way.

"What, why not?" she asked me, her voice rising in surprise.

"I'm just not interested, sorry," I told her.

She looked shocked for a moment before covering it up with a smug smile, which was far too confident. "You will be… someday," she murmured, leaning impossibly close to me.

I managed to side step her and turned it around so she was the one leaning against the lockers. I took a deep breath and made sure my voice was level and calm, "Trust me, Jessica, when I say this - I will _never_, ever be interested, okay?" I told her, before I stepped away, turning my back on her, "I've got to get to class."

"But wait-"

I didn't hang around to hear what she was going to say next and headed straight to class. When I arrived Bella was already there like I expected, and was sitting down at our table with her head bowed down and her hair covering her beautiful face.

I frowned, wondering if she was okay, and quickly made my way over to the table. She looked up at me in surprise when I sat down, and I felt my heart break when I noticed her blurry eyes, which looked like they were due to spill tears at any moment.

"Are you okay, Bella?" I asked quietly.

She nodded, "I'm fine, why?"

"You just… you look a little sad that's all," I told her softly.

"I'm not, I'm fine," she insisted, turning towards the front of the class just in time for Mr. Banner to walk in.

I sighed, and leant back in my stool, wishing for one moment that I could read her mind after all – just so I could see what was bothering her.

She moved her hair to one side, which gave me view of the tattoo on her right shoulder, which she'd gotten a week ago. It was of an ordinary swan, with its wings spread backwards as if it was going to fly. I figured it was a type of metaphor – the swan was her family name, representing her, and the wings spread showed what she was probably planning to do with her life.

It was a great tattoo, and I made sure to tell her so the first time I saw it. It was a beautiful tattoo for a beautiful girl.

Mr. Banner eventually stopped talking but to my dismay Bella stayed focused on her work, and didn't show any signs of wanting to start a conversation. So I decided to leave her for a little while, not wanting to upset her any further. However, after a while to my pleasant surprise, Bella lifted her head and looked right at me, her expression more determined then upset now.

"Can I ask you something?" she whispered.

"Anything," I told her breathlessly.

"Do you like Jessica?" she asked softly, her voice almost hurt, "I… I could set you up on a date with her if you'd like."

I looked up at her in surprise, "why would you think that?"

"Think what?" she asked, shocked at my tone.

"That I could like Jessica," I told her.

"I just… I saw you talking to her and you looked pretty close," she replied.

"Believe me that was all Jessica's doing not mine," I laughed humourlessly, "she's not my type."

"So what, gorgeous isn't your type?" Bella asked me sadly.

I internally felt down seeing her like this… she was making herself feel inferior and unworthy once again. It was time for me to prove just how special she was.

"Yes, it is," I breathed looking into her eyes, "but she's not it."

Bella blushed at my close proximity and tried to break eye contact, but I refused to let her do that.

"Bella… please believe me when I say that I'm not interested in Jessica," I whispered to her.

Bella almost smiled at my words, but still looked dubious, "You might end up liking her."

"That will never happen," I shook my head determinedly.

"You can't be sure about that," she murmured, saddened once again.

"Oh, I can," I insisted, leaning towards her, "just trust me please, Bella?"

I so desperately wanted to tell her that she was the one… the only one… but I knew that would scare her off. Sure, we had talked a lot already, but we hadn't really known each other that long yet. Bella clearly cared on some level - her jealousy over the idea of me and Jessica being together was proof of that – but she wasn't ready to hear my undying devotion just yet.

Luckily she changed the subject from then on and seemed to accept what I had told her. From then on it was much lighter conversation, but I made note to never speak to Jessica again, and to always make sure Bella knew that she was so much better then her. I knew that Bella didn't see herself as perfect or beautiful, but to me she was amazing in every way, just the way she was.

_And I vowed to make sure she realised it someday. _

We eventually moved back to our interests – I already knew her hobbies, her favourite films, books and TV shows, and many, many other things, but today we somehow ended up talking about music.

I asked her what her favourite bands were, and she was very thoughtful with her answer.

"To be honest I don't really listen to that much music to choose a favourite band," she replied thoughtfully.

"How come, do you not like music or something?" I asked her curiously.

She shrugged, "Its not that I don't like it, I don't have any way to listen to it. I only hear some things on the music channels or the radio every now and then."

"You haven't got an I-Pod?" I asked.

"I haven't even got a stereo," she laughed.

"Oh, please tell me you're not a technophobe," I teased her, grinning.

She laughed quietly, "a little… but I _have_ got a cell phone, so I guess that makes me pretty modern huh?"

"It helps," I shrugged, laughing along with her.

Mr. Banner then walked over to our table to check on our work, which was a little embarrassing because we hadn't got anything done yet. After a stern look we decided to focus on our work for the rest of class – we always had tomorrow to talk after all.

The bell eventually rung and Bella looked over at me once again smiling causing me to smile back. Seeing my expression, she then looked into my eyes for a long time, clearly debating whether she should say something or not.

"You were right by the way… Jessica isn't your type," she told me gently, "you deserve someone who will actually appreciate you for you, and how great you are. I love Jessica, she's one of my best friends, but she has always gone for the guys who have the best looks, not the best personality."

I nodded, thoughtful, "are you different to her?"

"Very different," she nodded as we stood and began walking out of the classroom, "but she's still my friend all the same though."

"It's nice to see how much you care about her and Angela," I complimented her.

"They've been there for me a lot, so of course I care," she told me gently, smiling up at me. "They've always been my only friends, throughout my whole life."

"Not anymore," I smiled down at her, placing my hand on her back to make sure I didn't loose her in the crowds on teenagers filling the hall. "You've got me now, and Alice, Emmett and Jasper too."

She nodded, absorbing my words, and looked up at me with yet another breathtaking smile. "Yeah I have," she whispered.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

The next day I made sure to get to school as early as I could, knowing today was a very important day. It was important because I was finally going to start showing Bella just how much she meant to me through my actions.

Alice insisted on driving in with me which in turn meant Jasper came with us too. I was certain that I would be there with plenty of time to spare, but to my surprise when we pulled up Bella was already there. Her truck was one of the only vehicles in the car park, which was proof of how early we all were.

I pulled up across the car park from her, surprised when she didn't immediately notice us. She was standing by her truck, looking around for all of us. I could see she was wearing the clothes Alice had bought for her – which only accentuated her beauty even more.

So instead of just running right over to her, I decided to stay back for a moment just watching her and appreciating this moment – a moment I never thought I would have.

Only, she then turned her eyes in my direction and noticed me watching her. I smiled at her and made my way over to her, almost running in my haste. When I was in front of her, I immediately wrapped my arms around her, hugging her for the very first time. It was incredible finally getting to hold her… being able to feel her and her warmth. She must have been surprised at my boldness, but didn't say anything. Instead she just wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me back.

Smiling at her actions, I leant down so my lips were close to her ear and whispered - "Happy birthday, my Bella."

"How did you know?" she gasped, pulling away from me.

I shrugged one shoulder, smiling at her, "Alice," I said simply.

Bella gasped and turned to mock-glare at Alice who had now appeared behind us, along with Jasper.

When Alice noticed Bella's glare she frowned, "Oh come on, you're not mad are you?" she asked.

Bella stood silent for a moment, looking at Alice, before letting out a sigh and shaking her head, "no, I'm not mad, why would I be?" she smiled.

"Good!" Alice grinned, "I think we should all celebrate properly then!"

"How?" Bella asked.

"Come around ours! We could have a little party and then you could stay over the night!" Alice suggested, grinning.

"I don't know… are you sure the rest of your family wouldn't mind?" Bella frowned, glancing between us.

"Oh, I think they can handle it," Jasper murmured, winking at Bella when she looked at him – she looked surprised at the action, but smiled nonetheless.

"Please, Bella?" Alice pouted, grabbing hold of Bella's arm to make sure she looked at her.

Bella sighed and reluctantly looked at her, before shaking her head, "Must you always use that expression on me?" she muttered more to herself then anyone else, "… Alright then, it sounds great, thank you Alice."

"No problem!" Alice grinned, pulling Bella into a hug. "We'll do it tomorrow as it's a Friday!

Bella bit her lip, but nodded, "Okay, if you're sure," she murmured.

"I'm sure, it will be great," Alice insisted, kissing Bella cheek before pulling away.

"I know it will," Bella smiled, reaching out to ruffle Alice's hair, "thanks Pixie."

Alice instantly reached up to sort her hair out but internally loved that Bella had given her a nickname. Her thoughts were all pretty much the same -

_Edward I love her, I love her, I LOVE HER! Can I have her?_

I laughed quietly and shook my head subtly, knowing Alice would notice. Bella looked at me, confused as to what I was laughing at but I only shrugged, smiling crookedly at her.

Alice then began to talk to Bella about some more of her plans in detail, so I just stood back, knowing better then to interfere with her. There was one thing worse then crazy Alice and that was angry Alice. I'd had the misfortune to encounter her very angry multiple times.

I smiled as Bella laughed and replied excitedly to something Alice said about birthday cakes, loving to hear her laugh at look happy after yesterdays biology class. She was just so mesmerising that I was finding it impossible to tear my eyes away from her, although Alice kept her so focused that she only managed to smile over at me a couple of times. I was getting impatient to have osme time alone with her, and was just about to finally intersect Alice when Jasper -who had been quiet until now - let me know exactly what he was thinking.

_Man you've got it bad, the amount of adoration you're feeling is making me want to steal Alice away right now. _

"There's nothing stopping you," I whispered quietly so only he would hear my comment.

He nodded, smiling, and his thoughts steered towards the idea of taking her away for a romantic weekend soon. I smiled back at him, before looking back at Bella and watching her once again. She laughed loudly again, throwing her head back before leaning forward and hugging Alice.

_She is pretty though Edward. She suits you perfectly – _Jasper smiled at me.

I nodded, even though I only half agreed with his comment… she was so much more then just pretty.

I continued to stand there listening to the girls, but out of the corner of my eye I noticed that other students were about to arrive. I found myself growing impatient, knowing at this rate I would end up running out of time to give Bella her gift.

Luckily Jasper sensed my impatience, "hey Alice, didn't you want to go to your locker before classes start?" he asked her softly, throwing a subtle smile my way.

His question seemed to snap her out of her Bella bubble and she smiled widely, "yeah I do! Good remembering there Jazzy," she grinned, skipping over to his side. "Do you mind if we go ahead and meet you in there?" she asked me and Bella.

I smiled at her.

"No, that's fine," Bella smiled, "I'll see you in class, Alice."

"Yep, see you there best friend!" Alice grinned as she began pulling Jasper away.

_Good luck Edward, she'll love it! – _She told me in her mind.

I grinned and turned back to Bella who was smiling up at me. "Eighteen huh? I'm going to start going gray soon!" she laughed.

I laughed back, "Eighteen's not _that_ old."

"It's older then you! You're still seventeen right?" she asked me.

_Not exactly, try 105 instead._

"Yes, I am unfortunately," I eventually replied, before smiling crookedly, "Turning eighteen is definitely something to celebrate though. I, erm, I got something for you."

I pulled the wrapped gift out of my coat pocket and held it out to her. I was delighted to see a surprised, happy expression on her face.

"Edward, you really didn't have too," she murmured.

"Believe me, I did," I grinned as I handed it over to her. "Go on, open it."

She bit her lip but obliged, quickly unwrapping the gift. I smiled as I saw her nearly drop her gift once she realised what it was.

"An I-pod?" she gasped, "You got me an_ I-pod_?"

I nodded, grinning.

She gave me an incredulous look before looking back down at the gift in her hands which were shaking slightly, "I can't… I mean this is amazing, but I just can't accept it. I would have trouble accepting gifts like this from my dad, and I've known him all my life, but I've only known you for a couple of weeks!" "I can't have you spending this much money on me."

I caught her hands to steady them and couldn't resist leaning over and kissing her on the forehead gently. When I pulled away her face was frozen over in shock, but a sweet smile was in place.

I squeezed her hands, "Bella, this is my old I-pod – it works perfectly and is great, but I wanted to get the newest version out as I'm kind of obsessed with owning the newest gadgets. I remembered you saying you didn't have one or any way to really listen to your songs, so I thought I would get it a new case, put some music I knew you liked and give it you… for your birthday," I told her gently.

"Really… this is second hand?" she asked dubiously as she looked at it.

"Yes," I lied – in reality it was of course brand new, but as far as I was concerned she never had to know that.

She looked doubtful, but still smiled nonetheless, clearly delighted with the gift. "You swear?" she asked slowly.

I made sure to be convincing, "I swear," I told her gently, looking into her eyes the entire time.

She nodded, and her smile grew, showing that she believed me. Internally I hated lying to her even if it was something small like that, but it's not like it was over something bad. I would never do that – I would always tell her the truth as much as I could. But I was so desperate for her to accept this gift… mainly so she could see the songs and playlists I'd put on there for her last night. I hope she would understand the message I was trying to put across – that she was worthy.

"Thank you, Edward," she whispered, "I feel guilty accepting this… but it's so perfect, I love it. Thank you."

"You're welcome," I smiled.

Completely elated that she loved the gift I reached out and pulled her into my arms, and this time she came more then willingly. As I wrapped my arms around her waist being careful to not hold her too tightly, she clung on just as tight, burying her face into my neck. I hugged her gently to me, and softly rubbed her back in soothing strokes. I heard her sniff and knew that she was crying, so I just held her tighter, and buried my face in her hair, kissing her head several times.

Everything was going perfectly so far… I prayed that nothing would come along to ruin it. I don't think I could bare it now I've finally got a taste of what it would be like to be cared for by someone like Bella.

Even though I was already dead… I knew I wouldn't survive if something or someone came along and took her away from me.

I shuddered at the thought, and kissed her hair again, before whispering into it, the words I so badly wanted to say, but I knew I couldn't just yet.

_I love you. _

_

* * *

_

**_Next chapter preview:_**

_(Bella)_

_As the time passed I knew it was hopeless – I wasn't going to get any sleep. How could I sleep knowing he was so close to me?_

_I decided to go downstairs to get some water noticing how dry my throat was. So I got up, and walked out into the dark halls, and quickly made my way downstairs, when a noise froze me in my tracks._

_It was a piano… that was playing the most beautiful, the most complex melody I had ever heard. It was a tune that was full of so much love and longing that it automatically bought tears to my eyes._

_I made my way down to the main room and slowly peaked my head around the corner, wanting to know who was creating this masterpiece._

_And when I saw, my breath caught in my throat._

_It was Edward. _

_

* * *

_

Quite a long chapter that was. They should all be this long from now on though, got lots to cram in! I'm also trying to keep updates to once a week, I'm sorry I can't do anymore then that though. But yeah, next chapter should be next friday!

Please let me know what you think... it was a lovely 11 reviews for last chapter. Can we beat that?

Thanks for reading!


	7. Beautiful disaster

A/N- Hi there, once again thank you for the reviews! We're now three quarters of the way to one hundred, so I'm incredibly excited. Thanks to everyone who took the time to write such lovely comments, it really does mean a lot, I swear.

So here we are back to Bella again for the remainder of her birthday, I hope you all like it. Please let me know what you all think!

* * *

_"He's magic and myth, as strong as what I believe,_  
_A tragedy with more damage than a soul should see.~_  
_But do I try to change him, so hard not to blame him,_  
_Hold me tight, baby hold me tight._  
_Though I don't know, I don't know what he's after,_  
_But he's so beautiful… he's such a beautiful disaster._  
_And if I could hold on, through the tears and the laughter,_  
_Would it be beautiful… or just a beautiful disaster."_  
_~ Beautiful disaster, Kelly Clarkson._

**_To Wish Impossible Things_**

**_Chapter Seven._**

_Isabella Swan_

_September 2006._

As I packed a spare set of clothes for this evening a strange feeling overtook me… it felt strangely like the excitement I felt when I was young and it was Christmas Eve. I remembered how I would always feel the need to scream with happiness and how I wished time would pass quicker, just so Christmas morning would be here.

Yeah, that's exactly how I felt today… I felt like a kid all over again and had done ever since this morning, for multiple reasons.

Reason one – because Edward was acting incredibly sweet and caring.

Reason two - Edward had given me a gift I had always wanted but never had enough money for.

Reason three - I was going to get to see him again tonight as well as Alice and the rest of the family.

I could hardly wait.

I never thought my birthday would be so exciting… it had always been just an ordinary day for me apart from the gifts of course.

He was a mystery, a beautiful mystery… but it was obvious that he cared; there was no point in denying it anymore. But the question was - did he care as much as I did? Did this mean as much to him as it did to me?

When he gave me the wonderful, thoughtful gift and then kissed me on the forehead so naturally all I wished for was for them to remain there, or to possibly move a little lower. But did he think the same, or was it just a simple gesture to him?

I guess the only way to find out was to see how he acted tonight… when I went around to his family's house. It's weird, because I hadn't known them that long but this still felt so comfortable. It didn't seem weird at all that this family I had known less then two weeks already meant so much to me.

They were helping me in so many ways… more then what they realised.

I just hoped that this would continue – because these two weeks had been so much fun. Lunchtimes had never been so enjoyable, and although I should feel guilty that I was enjoying spending time with the Cullen's more then Jessica and Angela, I really didn't. It may sound mean of me, but I couldn't help the way I felt.

And I had a feeling that the Cullen's were going to become very important to me.

Although deep down there was something nagging at me, reminding me to be careful… and that was the cancer that was killing me. Becoming close to the Cullen's would just mean even more people to have to say goodbye too – which was the most difficult thing about the disease. I vowed to tell them about it soon so they could decide if they still wanted to be friends with me… but as selfish as it sounded I wanted to wait a little while.

Because I was just enjoying spending time with them… with Edward… so much, and I had a horrible feeling that they might want to walk away when they knew what they were really dealing with.

I hadn't made up my mind when I would tell them yet… I just made a note to myself that it would have to be soon. It would become obvious soon anyway – I appeared healthy at the moment, but it wasn't going to remain that way for long.

I now had an hour until Alice would be here to pick me up, so I planned to spend some time with Charlie – he should be home any minute now. I decided to make him something to eat, but as I made my way downstairs I heard a noise coming from outside.

Feeling curious I looked out of the front window and my eyes widened with surprise when I spotted Charlie standing with my friend Jacob and Jacob's dad Billy.

Billy was Charlie's best friend which meant that Jacob and I had pretty much grown up together; we had never been best friends but had always been close enough. However, we'd lost contact recently… which meant it was six months since I had last seen him.

So needless to say, I was very surprised to see him here.

By the time I made it to the front door Charlie was already wheeling Billy in. I stopped to say hi to both of them, before turning round to see Jacob was still on my front doorstep.

"Hi," he smiled.

"Hi," I smiled back.

Without saying anything else he stepped forward and pulled me into a tight hug, mumbling how he'd missed me and that he was sorry he hadn't been in contact. I told him it was okay – I was guilty of not contacting him too after all.

It was a very long time before he pulled away but I didn't think anything of it – Jacob had always been like this, it wasn't unusual of him at all. We then walked into the kitchen, and poured a couple of drinks

"So how are you, are you feeling okay?" he asked.

He'd been there throughout the majority of my cancer battle – when we were younger he'd always come and hang out with me at the hospital when I was on my latest bout of chemo, which meant a lot to me. He was a year younger then me, but we still got on really well… kind of in a brother/sister way.

"Uh, yeah…" I nodded, "I feel fine."

"Good," he smiled, "here I bought you something, seeing as it is your eighteenth right?"

"You remembered?" I asked, surprised.

"'Course I did," he replied almost smugly as he handed the gift over to me, "sorry it's not much, but I wasn't sure what to get…"

"I'm sure it's great, thank you," I smiled gratefully to him. What was happening? Last year barely anyone even paid attention to my birthday at all, but this year I was getting more attention then I'd had in all my previous birthdays put together.

It's almost as if they all subconsciously knew that this was a very important birthday of mine… my last one.

I opened the gift to reveal a purple dream catcher.

"Aw it's beautiful Jake, thank you," I told him, thrilled with the gift – I loved these sorts of things, and he knew it.

"No problem," he grinned almost shyly, "just something to keep those bad dreams away."

"Oh, it's going to help me a _lot_ then," I smiled at him.

"Yeah," he laughed quietly, "Hey, I've got an idea… why don't you stop by the reservation tomorrow? We could hang out like how we used too?"

"I would love too, but I've already got plans with school friends to go into Port Angeles," I replied, thinking about the plans I had with Angela and Jessica to celebrate my birthday.

Jacob's expression turned disappointed, and I suspected that he thought I was just making an excuse.

"Maybe I could come on Sunday instead?" I suggested.

"Really?" he asked, "that would be so great Bells!"

I nodded, smiling, not really knowing what to say. But luckily I didn't have to say anything else as Jacob suddenly enveloped me in another hug, pulling me even tighter then before as he mumbled how happy he was to have me back.

Yeah… I was sure he thought of me as a friend.

_Wasn't I?_

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

Jacob and Billy weren't able to stay much longer; apparently they had to get back to the reservation because they had plans with some other friends over there. Jacob told me that it was just a flying visit because he wanted to see me and give me my present, which was now currently residing on my bed frame, where I hoped it would ring true on its promise on keeping away the bad dreams.

Jacob seemed reluctant to leave, but when I reminded him that I would see him on Sunday he cheered up a little bit. Charlie laughed at his reaction but when I asked him what was funny he only smiled at me, a knowing look in his eyes.

Charlie was fine about me going to the Cullen's, he knew from rumours that they were a nice enough family, and to be honest I think he was happy for me too. All he asked was that I took care of myself and rung him if there were any problems.

You've got to love having protective fathers.

Along with one change of clothes I also decided to take the I-Pod, Edward had given me… I didn't know how to work it so if I had time to talk to him alone I would ask for a tutorial, as embarrassing as that would be. But as I packed it in my overnight bag I noticed the same thing once again… that it was completely devoid of scratches. It looked brand new, like it hadn't even been used before.

But Edward said it was second hand so it had to be… right?

I shook the thought away – what did it matter? An I-Pod was an I-pod after all…

Although… if it was brand new… how much was it? I was clueless but even I knew that these weren't cheap, they usually cost at least one hundred, and that was for the lower quality ones. So clearly Edward had a lot of money to spare if he was willing to spend so much money on me… either that or he's extremely generous.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a car horn outside, so I quickly put the I-Pod back in the bag, yelled goodbye to Charlie and made my way out the front door.

Alice was there, leaning against a silver Volvo which I knew was Edward car – he had mentioned it to me before.

At the thought of him being here, word vomit overtook me and I didn't even say hi before asking - "is Edward with you too?"

She smiled at my comment, "No, I made him stay at home," she grinned as stepped away from the car and then turned to open the back door of it. She reached in, and pulled out a box, "here, I got something for you."

"You too?" I asked in surprise, "you really didn't have too, Alice."

"I knew you were going to say that, but trust me, I did!" she smiled.

She handed it over to me, kissing me on the cheek, and I smiled gratefully at her, secretly loving how much I was being spoiled today.

I opened the box and to my surprise there was a dress in there… I pulled it out to see it was dark blue and just… beautiful. Definitely something I would pick if I ever had the confidence to buy a dress that is.

"Oh… wow," I gasped, "it's beautiful, thank you."

"I know," she grinned knowingly, wrapping her arms around me as I hugged her. "Go and put it on then!"

"Can't I just change when I get to yours? It will save time," I suggested, feeling desperate to see Edward now.

"No you can't!" she nearly yelled, "You must arrive in that dress, trust me… Edward's going to _love_ it."

"Oh… really?" I asked, thrilled at the thought, "Okay then, do you want to come in while I change?"

"I'll just wait here, be quick!" she replied, gently pushing me in the direction of my house.

"Will do," I replied, "wait… how did you know my size?"

A mischievous smile spread across her face, "Oh, I have my ways," she winked.

The dress was stunning… I thought it would make me look plain in comparison to it, but to my delight it didn't. It actually suited me… and almost flattered me.

Needless to say, Alice was a genius. I was beginning to really love her in a sister-I-never-had kind of way.

And I made sure to tell her so when I went out to show her the dress.

She was very complimentary and we were soon on our way to the Cullen house. She seemed very excited, just like how I was, but made sure to show it. I considered reaching over to grab the wheel from her as she pushed the car to go impossibly fast along the winding road that lead to their house.

By the time we made it there, my fingernails were digging into the seats.

She pulled the car to a stop, and I looked up at the house, and was literally rendered speechless. It was incredible… it was practically the size of mansion and were white, with a wrap around porch and large windows overlooking the forest. It was almost like something out of a fairytale.

And that's when I felt the dread kick in… the Cullen's are beautiful and kind, the house is the kind of house that celebrities would own…

So what am I doing here?

I don't belong here… I'm the definition of ordinary; I don't belong in places like this with people like this.

_I don't belong. _

I looked over at Alice and her wide smile faded slightly when she caught sight of my panicked expression.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

I bit my lip, "What if they don't like me… the rest of your family I mean?"

"Of course they will, why would you think that?" she asked surprised.

I blushed, embarrassed by my insecurities, "I don't know… I'm just nervous I guess," I admitted.

"Aw, there's no need to be… Esme's going to love you!" she insisted.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes! Now let's go!" she grinned as she opened her door and climbed out.

I sighed and followed, knowing I didn't really have a choice now – so I might as well try my best to make them like me. Besides, wasn't I looking forward to this earlier?

… Sometimes when it came to the changing of emotions, I really hated being female.

We walked up the steps to the porch and Alice smiled, gesturing for me to go ahead. I smiled back and stepped in through the front door hesitantly into the house. Before I could go any further I suddenly remembered that I'd forgotten my bag, and turned around to ask Alice if I could go and get it, but to my surprise she was gone.

"Alice… Alice?"

I turned around bewildered but jumped in surprise to see everyone right there in front of me. Alice was at the front of the group, and was holding a birthday cake alight with eighteen candles, while Edward, Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie stood around her.

"Happy birthday!" they all cheered at the same time.

I however stood speechless, wondering what on earth was happening. Was I dreaming? Was this some sort of secret reality TV show where I didn't know I was being filmed?

Seriously… what was happening?

"I… erm…"

Alice and Edward stepped forward, both with wide smiles on their faces.

"Make a wish!" Alice smiled, lifting the cake up into my view, it was chocolate with the words 'happy birthday Bella' written across it in white icing.

I was still confused but obliged, closing my eyes tightly as I wished for the first thing that came to my mind.

_I wish that this would never end. _

I then opened my eyes and blew out the candles, receiving a round of applause from everyone. Alice placed the cake on the staircase and ran over to give me a hug.

"Did we surprise you?" she asked.

"Oh yeah… you sure did pixie," I replied, still a little stunned.

"Good!" she grinned, kissing me on the cheek as she pulled away.

I looked up to see the rest of the family still smiling at me – well except for Rosalie, who was now openly glaring at me.

I frowned in confusion, but she just turned and walked away – up the stairs and out of sight.

But no one watched her leave; they were still staring at me as if they were expecting me to do a trick or something.

"So what did you wish for?" Emmett asked eagerly.

"Can't tell you, or it won't come true," I shrugged, grinning.

"Oh come on, you don't really believe that crap do you?" he rolled his eyes.

"Sure do, sorry," I smiled, not apologetic in the slightest.

Luckily, he just grinned and bounded over pulling me into a hug too, hugging me tightly before setting me down on my feet.

"Happy birthday, Bella bear," he grinned, using his nickname for me.

I smiled back, convinced that my cheeks were going to be permanently stained red from now on… how did I ever doubt that I would fit in? They were my friends – the differences between all of us didn't matter.

Jasper then wished me happy birthday too, and Alice announced that she was going to tell Esme to come in – apparently she was gardening at the moment. Alice rushed off, with Emmett and Jasper following carrying the cake, which left just me and Edward.

I turned around to face him and his hand immediately lifted to brush some of my hair that had fallen in my face away, before it settled on my cheek.

"Have you had a good day so far?" he asked softly as his thumb gently rubbed my cheek.

I leant into his hand, "Yeah, it's been great," I replied honestly.

"Good I'm glad," he smiled as he stepped closer, "you look lovely by the way."

"Oh, you mean the dress?" I asked, glancing down at it, "Alice got it for me."

He nodded, "it looks beautiful on you," he murmured, as his fingers brushed along my jaw.

My blush increased tenfold with his sweet comment, and I felt my heart begin to race, "Oh… really? Erm, wow, I mean thank you," I stuttered.

He chuckled quietly and stepped forward again so he was even closer to me, and then lowered his head so his lips were brushing my hair. I remained motionless as he gently kissed my temple… I wasn't even sure if I was breathing.

"You're welcome, Bella," he whispered against my skin.

I sighed as I felt his breath wash over me, "Edward, about the-"

But I was cut off by the sounds of voices approaching so decided to not say anything. Edward gave me a curious look but then pulled away just in time for Alice to come back into the room, pulling someone along with her. I immediately realised that this was Esme… their adoptive mother. She, just like them, was incredibly beautiful, with long caramel coloured hair and the same golden eyes and pale skin as them.

She couldn't have been that old… perhaps mid twenties at most, which seemed too young to have teenage children, but I remembered that she had adopted them all which explained it a little. But it was still strange… why would a woman of her age want children that are only about eight years younger then her?

I didn't have much time to contemplate that though as she stepped forward, smiling widely at me.

"Hi, you must be Bella," she grinned reaching out for my hand, "I'm Esme."

"Hi Esme," I smiled at her, "it's so nice to meet you."

She smiled wider and pulled me into a hug, "Oh, it is so nice to meet you too."

I instantly relaxed into the hug – the Cullen family sure were affectionate that's for sure… it was wonderful. Although as I held onto Esme I found myself thinking back… to when I last hugged my own mother like this when I was eleven years old. I could still remember it… how I refused to let go of her, knowing she was leaving, and the smell in the air… the smell of a mother.

I felt myself tear up slightly at my hazy memory of Renee… she hadn't even called me today or sent me a card to wish me happy birthday. I wanted a mom, but I'd never really had one.

"You smell lovely, like flowers, just like how my mom used too… I've always loved this smell," I murmured as she pulled away, before flushing in embarrassment for saying that out loud, "I'm sorry, that was weird of me."

"Oh no it wasn't," Esme smiled as she gently stroked hair away from my face, "that was the nicest thing you could have said to me."

I bit my lip and looked over at Edward and Alice who were smiling at me and then turned back to look at Esme who was doing the same. I then sighed internally… they were all so lucky to have each other.

I was envious… I knew I was being very selfish in my thoughts today, but I wanted what they all had… a family. I had Charlie and I loved him, but if I really had to admit it I had always known that there was something missing…

"How about we give you a tour of the house now?" Esme asked me.

"I would love that," I smiled at her, excited at the prospect of seeing the rest of this beautiful house and grateful for the distraction from my thoughts.

Her smile widened, making her look even more beautiful – she almost reminded me of snow white in her beauty. It wasn't fair, why were they all so inhumanly beautiful?

Esme then gave me a tour of the house before making me some food – which left me wondering why none of the rest of them were eating, but she just told me they had all eaten earlier.

Throughout the tour of the house Edward stayed with us, making fun conversation the entire time. My sides were hurting from the many times I had laughed, and I was sure my smile was permanently etched on to my face.

The rest of the evening passed quickly – I spent some time with most of the family apart from Rosalie and Carlisle who I was yet to meet. I enjoyed the time with Edward the most… he seemed so relaxed and happy, which was amazing to see… and it was like his mood passed over to me. I felt so much happier and lighter when he was around and found myself wishing I was always with him.

He didn't mention our moment from earlier and neither did I… we hadn't really had much time alone today. Which was slightly disappointing but I knew we would have another chance soon enough. I had a lot to ask him, and even though I knew it would make me nervous to do so – I was going to ask what was happening between us. He was flirting, and the way he acted earlier getting so close… I was sure it wasn't the way that friends acted.

I loved it, I really did… but things like this just didn't happen to me, and I just wanted to make sure I wasn't imagining this attraction and that he felt the same as me. It was wrong of me… but I really wished that he did. It was wrong because I knew nothing could ever come from this… but I still wanted him to feel the same as me nonetheless.

I was the most selfish person in the world.

But I was a teenager who had been dealt a rough deal… I'd had such a difficult, lonely life so far. So why would anyone resent me for falling for someone, wasn't it something that was so simple for normal people? So why can't I?

_You can't help who you fall in love with after all…_

Eventually Alice insisted I spend some time with her which was great fun. I knew without a doubt that she was my favourite in the Cullen family… apart from Edward that is.

We eventually decided to get some sleep, and I took the time to text Charlie to tell him I was okay. I was actually more then it… I felt great at the moment. The cancer was literally the last thing on my mind right now.

I must have drifted off for a couple of hours, because one moment I was thinking about today, then I was dreaming about it, then I was awake tossing and turning, unable to get back asleep.

It was eerily quiet… almost as if there was no one here in the house at all. I looked over to see Alice had gone and frowned before realising that she had probably gone to see Jasper.

I turned around and tried to drift off again but as the time passed I knew it was hopeless – I wasn't going to get any sleep. How could I sleep knowing he was so close to me?

I decided to go downstairs to get some water noticing how dry my throat was. So I got up, and walked out into the dark halls, and quickly made my way downstairs, when a noise froze me in my tracks.

It was a piano… that was playing the most beautiful, the most complex melody I had ever heard. It was a tune that was full of so much love and longing that it automatically bought tears to my eyes.

I made my way down to the main room and slowly peaked my head around the corner, wanting to know who was creating this masterpiece.

And when I saw, my breath caught in my throat.

It was Edward.

I was overwhelmed at how magnificent he was… and gasped out loud as irrational tears filled my eyes. I listened as the song drew to a close, and sniffed embarrassingly loud. He must have heard because he turned around, surprise covering his features when he saw me standing so close.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," I replied.

"Can't you sleep?" he asked.

"No," I shook my head.

A slight smile formed on his face, "Come sit here," he murmured, gesturing to the bench.

Without hesitating I made my way over, smiling at him as I took the seat next to him. I looked up to see sheets with music notes on them, but I didn't understand any of it, "What was that you were playing?" I asked him quietly.

"Oh, it was just something I wrote," he replied, running his fingers over the keys.

"You wrote it?" I asked, surprised.

He nodded, turning to smile crookedly at me.

"You're… you've very talented," I blushed, "it was amazing."

"Thank you," he whispered, looking close to blushing himself.

"Where did you learn to play like that?" I asked curiously.

"My parents taught me… my birth parents I mean," he replied.

"What happened to them?" I asked.

"They died a long time ago," he replied softly, "they got a rare disease."

"I'm sorry," I told him gently as a tear spilled down my cheek.

"It's okay, it was a long time ago," he whispered, as he lifted his hand to gently brush my tear away, "besides I've got my family now."

"You're lucky," I told him wistfully.

He looked at me for a long moment before nodding, "yes, I am," he murmured.

My breath hitched as the intensity of his voice and his stare… he was just so close to me now. I refused to move away though, and instead I shifted even closer.

His hand reached up again so it was gently brushing my cheek, and I leant into his touch, sighing as his hand moved so it was stroking my jaw gently.

I couldn't speak to ask him what was happening… hell, I couldn't even move. I was frozen in my spot, completely entranced by this wonderful, beautiful man.

_Just what was he doing to me?_

He leant in so his nose was running along my jaw, "You really are so beautiful, you know that right?" he murmured.

I closed my eyes, sighing at the feeling as he moved so it was now his lips brushing against my jaw softly. This feeling was just so raw, so unreal… I feared I would wake up from this incredible dream any moment.

If I was dreaming, I never ever wanted to wake up.

"Bella?" Edward murmured gently.

"Hmm?" I replied, unable to say anything else.

He shifted so he was looking me in the eye again, his golden eyes incredibly intense, "Would you like to go on a date with me?" he whispered, smiling at me.

I felt a wide smile spread across my own face… he did feel the same as me after all. I wasn't imagining this connection… it was real and I wasn't dreaming.

And so, completely lost in the moment and in him, there was only one thing I could say.

"Yes," I breathed.

* * *

**_Next chapter preview:_**

_(Edward)_

_I decided to just push everything to the back of my mind. What Rosalie said wasn't important; the fact that Bella was human and I was a vampire didn't matter…_

_Instead all that mattered was the here and now, and the fact that I already loved Bella, and that tonight was the night. It was the night we would go on our first date and hopefully progress in our relationship._

_I couldn't wait._

_And then she opened the door, and I knew in that moment that I had never seen anyone as beautiful._

_

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_

So what do you all think? This is another of those chapters I'm very nervous about posting, so I hope that people liked it. Feel free to ask questions, I'll answer anything... but don't ask about the ending because thats the one thing I'm not giving away ;)

It was an amazing 16 reviews for last chapter, could we match that?

Thanks for reading!


	8. Rule the world

A/N- Wow, thanks for all the reviews! I know I've already thanked everyone individually, but I figured another mention wouldn't hurt! Haha... I'm just so excited about how close we are to 100 now! So thanks to everyone whos reviewed so far!

So heres chapter eight, and we're back to Edward this time. I hope you all enjoy the chapter, please review with any feedback!

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"_You light the skies, up above me,  
__A star, so bright, you blind me, yeah.  
__Don't close your eyes, don't fade away, don't fade away…  
__Yeah you and me, we can ride on a star,  
__If you stay with me girl, we can rule the world.  
__Yeah you and me we can light up the sky,  
__If you stay by my side, we can rule the world.  
__  
All the stars are coming out tonight,  
__They're lighting up the sky tonight…  
__For you, for you."  
__~ Rule the world, Take That. _

**_To Wish Impossible Things_**

**_Chapter Eight._**

_Edward Cullen. September 2006_.

For the first time in my very long existence, time was moving very slowly.

It was now half an hour until I was due to pick up Bella, which to most people isn't much time at all, but when you're waiting to go on your first date, every minute can feel like an eternity.

… _Which was how long today had felt to me. _

One week had already passed since her birthday, and even though I'd seen her everyday at school, it never felt like I had enough time with her, hence why I was looking forward to tonight so much.

It would be my chance to finally see if Alice's visions were set to come true.

Admittedly, on the night of her birthday I wasn't actually planning on asking her out on a date then, but I found that when she was next to me - so close but yet so far - that the words just came out. Deep down she probably thought this was moving too fast, but it was the complete opposite for me.

I had been waiting my whole life for her.

Luckily she had said yes, answering all my prayers at once. And ever since then I had been wondering exactly what I had done in my life to deserve such an angel but I certainly wasn't going to question it – I was just appreciating every moment I could have with her, while secretly thanking whoever it was out there that had bought her to me.

Just seeing the gratitude in her eyes as I gave her the I-Pod last week proved how special she was… she truly did care for the smaller things, and instead of just snatching it out of my hands like how most of the girls at Fork's high would she actually tried to insist that she wasn't worth me spending that much. Before thanking me profusely when I told my little white lie to her.

Later on that evening after I'd asked her on the date she actually asked for instructions on how to use it, which I found adorable. I, of course, showed her the basic controls, but didn't point out the playlist I had made for her, and instead hoped that she would discover it herself soon.

Hopefully it would mean something to her… to see the songs I'd put on there. They all described just how I felt about her, and I hoped she would notice the message behind them.

As well as that, the rest of her birthday overall was luckily a success – and it further confirmed my beliefs of how she belonged with us.

Carlisle wasn't actually able to meet her, but hoped he could soon. He'd been stuck at the hospital and then had to attend an interview early the next morning, just before she woke up. Luckily though, his interview had turned out successful and he'd managed to secure a permanent position at Fork's hospital, which would be a lot more convenient for him instead of travelling to the one in Seattle. It was still a couple of weeks until he would be starting there, but he was looking forward to it nonetheless.

We were all glad because we'd be able to see him more – Esme especially was thrilled as he'd been away a lot, and she'd missed him not being around.

She really loved Bella though, and hadn't stopped talking about her in this past week. I just hoped Carlisle adored her too - just like the rest of the family did – as his opinion had always mattered to me the most.

I wasn't worried though… I knew he would love her, just like the rest of us.

I would ask her if she wanted to come over here again soon… once I'd had this night with her of course.

I was currently sitting at the table in the kitchen drumming my fingers against the wood as I watched the clock impatiently, hoping time would just speed up now. I heard someone else enter the room but didn't acknowledge them, and just continued to stare at the patterns in the wood.

The person's thoughts registered with me, and it was clear they were annoyed with me ignoring them. I decided to get this over with, knowing it wasn't going to be pleasant. It was the one person in this family who seemed dead set on hating Bella, and I found myself hating them for it.

"What do you want Rosalie?" I mumbled.

"I want to talk to you," she replied.

I turned around to face her, rolling my eyes when I noticed her angry expression. "Alright then, talk to me," I told her.

"I just want to know what the hell you think you're doing tonight," she replied.

I sighed, knowing I should have expected this eventually, "I'm going on a date with Bella – what's the problem with that?"

"_The problem?_ There are so many problems with this Edward," she snarled.

"Like what?" I asked.

"She's _human_," she snarled again.

"So?" I shrugged.

"So…? So… don't you know the consequences of this? What if she finds out what we are!" she asked.

"She won't… not yet anyway," I told her.

She let out an annoyed growl, so I stood up from my chair and spoke again before she had the chance too. "Rosalie, why are you mad at me for this? You know how long I've been alone. I know we've never exactly been close, but I always thought you would at least be happy for me."

"I want too, but I can't," she shrugged, not at all apologetic.

So, out of anger, I decided to annoy her even more, "You know what… I think you're jealous," I sneered.

"Jealous of what exactly?" she asked.

"Bella," I replied.

"Her? No, she's nothing," she shook her head.

I was getting tired of her insulting Bella… how _dare_ she. "No, you're nothing," I growled as I took a step towards her.

"I don't even know what you see in her – what is there that's so special about her that you have to risk our entire family for?" she asked me, "She's so plain, and she smells weird. Haven't you noticed that? Her blood doesn't even smell like the other humans – she isn't even normal."

"There are many possible reasons for that, but she is _not_ weird," I replied, furious now.

I heard others enter the room, clearly overhearing our conversation, and after tuning into their thoughts I realised it was Emmett and Carlisle.

"Well she is plain," she shrugged.

"No, she is not," I sneered, angered by her smug expression and the way she was talking about Bella. I walked forward so Rosalie was backed into a corner, and aware of Emmett's watchful eyes on me, ready to attack any moment, I made sure to pour hate into my words as I spoke to Rosalie.

"She is beautiful… you are deluded to think she is just plain… as a matter of fact how dare you think that about her - because you are _ugly_ in comparison to her in every single way." I told her, "Don't waste your time trying to put me off, because it will not work. You are _pathetic _and delusional to think it will, you hear me? You're _pathetic_."

At my words she pushed me back, hitting me with so much force that I fell to the floor and she stormed out of the house, pulling the front door from its hinges as she left. I didn't bother going after her… she wasn't worth my time.

I turned around to see Emmett and Carlisle staring at me with shocked expressions on their faces, though Emmett's was also had a mix of anger in it. He had always been very protective of Rosalie… even if he knew she was in the wrong, which in this case… she was.

I just shrugged though and got to my feet, not saying anything. I then turned and walked out the room, ignoring their thoughts which were pretty much screaming at me, begging me to sort this mess out.

They could beg all they want too – it was Rosalie who chose to pick a fight just because she was insecure and jealous, so it was up to her to sort out.

I would rather be killed right here, right now then have to apologise to her. The words she'd said were just too cruel, and I just hoped that she never said it direct to Bella.

Because then, there would be real trouble – I didn't care if she was 'family' or not, I would _always_ put Bella before her.

And she knew it.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

After the argument I decided to leave early and just drive around town so I could clear my head before I went to Bella's. I knew that staying at the house would only make matters worse – even though Emmett had gone out in search of Rosalie, I still would have had to hear everyone else's thoughts, which were very mixed in opinion.

Luckily though, Alice and Esme had sent encouraging thoughts my way, telling me to just ignore what Rosalie said and to focus on Bella.

_Which was what I was going to do._

I made it to Bella's house at ten to seven, and knowing I couldn't wait any longer to see her I made my way to her front door and rang the doorbell.

While I stood waiting for her to answer, I decided that for tonight I was just going to push everything to the back of my mind. What Rosalie said wasn't important; the fact that Bella was human and I was a vampire didn't matter…

Instead all that mattered was the here and now, and the fact that I already loved Bella, and that tonight was the night. It was the night we would go on our first date and hopefully progress in our relationship.

I couldn't wait.

And then she opened the door, and I knew in that moment that I had never seen anyone as beautiful.

She had her hair curled, and was wearing a pair of dark jeans with a dark blue blouse to match. It was as if she knew what her wearing blue did to me… the colour was my favourite and to my delight it suited her perfectly.

I looked up to see her smiling shyly at me, biting her lip as she waited for me to say something.

"Hi," I whispered, smiling softly at her.

"Hi," she replied.

"You look lovely," I complimented.

She blushed, ducking her head slightly, "thank you," she murmured.

I just smiled, completely mesmerised by her.

She looked up, as she began pulling her coat on which she'd just pulled off the coat rack by the door. "So, what's the plan for tonight then?" she asked.

"There's this place in Port Angeles I want to take you too," I suggested, "it serves great Italian food apparently."

"Oh good, my favourite," she grinned, "it sounds great."

"Great," I smiled at her, "let's get going then."

I held out my hand for her and smiled when she took it without hesitation, intertwining her fingers with mine. I sighed at the warmth that simple action alone bought, and began rubbing my thumb soothingly along the back of her hand as we walked to the car which was parked by the road.

And her hand remained in mine the entire way there.

We listened to the radio as we drove and talked more about our favourite types of music before moving on to other things. I found that all my worries were completely gone now… just being in her presence calmed me and convinced me that nothing else mattered.

_Only her._

I had been waiting so long for this to happen to me… I just hoped tonight went well, and that I was able to impress her. I knew that I loved her without a doubt, but I didn't know what she was thinking, so I would have to trust my instinct with her and hope that was enough.

The conversation was fun and light throughout the entire journey and before I knew it we were pulling up outside the restaurant. I had bought her to _La Bella Italia_, a restaurant I had passed many times but had obviously never been too. It was close to the river, and looked small and cosy. It wasn't over fancy, but I already knew that Bella would prefer something like this instead of _the Ritz_. Besides, I thought the name sounded appropriate, and hoped she would find it amusing too.

I helped her out of the car, and instead of taking her hand I wrapped my arm around her waist, holding her close to my side. She looked up at me in surprise; a delightful blush spread across her cheeks, but didn't say anything.

We walked in through the front entrance, and to my relief, she looked pleased with the place.

"Wow, it's so pretty and quaint…" she murmured as she looked around excitedly, "I like it."

"I'm glad," I murmured, leaning in to kiss her forehead.

I gently pulled her forward towards the waitress standing there, and kept hold of her as we made our way to our table. I pulled out her chair for her and she smiled widely, thanking me as she sat down. I smiled; thrilled at the knowledge that I was doing something right.

However, as we made ourselves comfortable, a waitress suddenly passed by us in a rush, causing a light breeze to pass me and Bella – and as a result of the breeze I caught Bella's scent with it… which also meant her blood. I frowned in confusion as I took in the scent – because Rosalie was right… it _did_ smell unusual. Until now, I hadn't really focused on the scent of it, as it had been at the back of my mind. I had grown so desensitized from human blood throughout the years that I never really found myself longing for it, so I didn't find it weird that I didn't notice Bella's.

I was too caught up in everything else about her.

But what was unusual… was how easy Jasper found it to be around her. Being the newest _'vegetarian'_ he'd always had trouble being around humans at all – school was very difficult for him, but he'd found that as long as he kept his distance he was okay. But with Bella… he was completely comfortable, and whenever I read his thoughts I just heard him saying that her blood didn't appeal to him in the slightest.

_Why was that?_

I subtly breathed in her scent again but couldn't figure out what it was… I'd smelt it before somewhere but I couldn't quite place where from. It reminded me of the smell of hospitals, which I knew quite well from the many times I had visited Carlisle at work. Perhaps it was because she was on medication for something… that sounded like the most likely explanation. I decided to just forget about it for now – its not like I could ask her out loud why her blood smelt different after all. Besides, there was nothing else different about her… she was perfect.

I was the one who was different here… a normal person wouldn't even be able to smell her blood. They wouldn't even consider the difference in it, but instead all they would be focused on was her beauty.

_Which I was going to be from now on. _

"What are you thinking about?" she asked curiously.

That was the first time I had been asked that question in a long time.

I just shrugged, "just about how happy I am to be here with you," I told her.

Instantly that blush I loved formed across her face and she ducked her head slightly, "it's the same for me," she murmured, "I'm not sure why, but I just feel so comfortable with you… and so happy."

I smiled and picked up her hand which was resting on the table in mine. I kissed the back of it and smiled crookedly at her, hoping she would be able to see the emotion I was putting into my expression.

I wanted her to know how much I adored her… how much I loved her.

She smiled back, her brown eyes shining, giving me hope that she was beginning to understand.

"Are you enjoying your birthday present?" I asked her softly, deciding to make conversation.

"Yeah, I am," she smiled, "I love the songs you put on there, thank you."

"You're welcome," I replied softly, "you know if you ever decide you want more songs on there, I could always put them on there for you. And perhaps show you how to do it."

"That would be really great, thanks," She replied before sighing and smiling at me again, "It seems like I'm always saying thank you to you… but I really do mean it. You and Alice and everyone… you all mean so much to me, more then you realise."

"Really?" I asked.

"You've changed my life for the better so much already," she nodded, "especially you… just by being there for me."

I was truly stunned at her words – this was one of the first times she was being so open with me, and it was incredible to find out just how much she cared. "Oh believe me, it's the other way around. You're the one who's changed me… and all my family." I told her softly.

"Really, how?" she asked.

I shrugged, bringing her hand to my lips again, "You've just bought so much light into our lives… into my life. In my past I've had some pretty bad things happen-"

"Like your parents dying?" she interrupted softly.

I swallowed heavily, "yes," I replied, hating that I was lying to her again. "My parents' dying was hard, and having to adapt to a new family who constantly move about was tough too. But it's all worked out now."

"Why?" she asked.

"You sure do ask a lot of questions," I laughed quietly, leaning forward to brush my lips against her temple. "It's worked out, because if none of those things had happened, then I wouldn't have met you."

I pulled away to look at her face which was stunned at my admission.

"Wow…" she breathed, clearly speechless, "Edward, I…"

However she was interrupted from what she was about to say by the waitress asking us what we wanted. I frowned at the girls awful timing, but was surprised – I hadn't even realised that she was there.

Bella recovered from her surprised well though and ordered a mushroom ravioli and a diet coke. I asked for some water and for a small salad knowing it would be the easiest thing to pretend to eat. However, when I looked back at Bella she was laughing quietly to herself.

I smiled at her, "what's so funny?" I asked.

"Shouldn't it be the other way around? You know me ordering the salad?" she replied, still amused.

I laughed along with her, "I guess I was just feeling fat today, got a problem with that?"

She smiled at my attempt at a joke and I smiled back at her.

"What were you going to say before the waitress came over?" I asked her, unable to help myself.

She looked surprised at me for bringing it back up, "oh, I erm… I was just going to say that I'm so glad I met you."

"Oh…" I replied, expecting it to be more then that, but still not disappointed at her sweet comment.

I lifted her hand once again and gently brushed my lips against her wrist, letting my mouth linger as I whispered - "it's the same for me, love."

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

The car ride back was filled with a comfortable silence, apart from the odd occasional comment that was made between us. What I had realised was that with Bella, we didn't need to make conversation all the time… just being near her was enough for me.

Besides… we'd done a lot of talking tonight. Following on from our intense moments, our time at the restaurant had been full of laughter and fun, and now that we were quickly approaching Bella's house, I knew just how much I didn't want tonight to end.

I never wanted to leave her side.

In that moment she reached over to hold my hand and I gratefully grasped onto hers, noticing how I'd pretty much held it all night now. We smiled at each other through the darkness of the car as the song on the radio shifted to something that matched the romantic atmosphere perfectly.

Suddenly, I knew what I wanted to do… I just hoped she'd be okay with it and that I was strong enough.

I pulled up outside her house, and she turned to thank me, telling me she'd had a wonderful evening. She was just about to open the door when I reached out and grasped her arm gently, halting her movements.

She turned to look at me with a curious look, and with a deep breath, I finally mustered up the courage to ask -

"Can I try something?"

"Sure, what is it?" she asked softly, smiling at me.

I didn't say anything, but leant forward instead, cupping her face between my hands. I looked into her wide, beautiful eyes for one long moment before closing my eyes and leaning forward to brush my lips against hers.

I let my lips linger on hers for several moments, surprised to see how easy this was… and how right it felt. I never wanted to move away from her, but couldn't help but notice how she'd stiffened in surprise.

I quickly pulled away, "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have done that," I apologized to her, secretly praying that I hadn't scared her off.

Her expression which was full of shock slowly turned into something else… something that resembled happiness and contentment. "No, its okay," she whispered, "it was really nice."

For some reason I found myself laughing in relief and happiness, and leant in towards her again. She did the same and we met halfway, our lips pressing against each other gently, before we increased pressure.

Soon our mouths were moving together perfectly… like we'd always been doing this. It didn't surprise me though – it was like we'd been made for each other. I always knew this would feel right though, ever since I first met her.

She pulled away to catch her breath, and I pretended I was doing the same.

She then moved to lean her forehead against mine, "This is so crazy huh?" she grinned, breathless.

"No, it's not crazy," I murmured, leaning in to gently kiss her again, before moving to kiss her jaw and then her cheek. "You don't know how long I've waited for you," I whispered, breathing against her skin.

She sighed, "When you say things like that to me… I just…" she paused as our lips connected yet again. We kissed for a long moment before pulling away slightly to lean our foreheads against each others again.

"What are we… what is this?" - She asked me softly - "… because I don't know about you, but things like this just don't happen to me."

"No, it doesn't to me either. And to me… this… us is _everything_," I told her softly, before pulling away to cup her face in my hands. I wanted to see her expression as I asked her this next question - "Bella… will you be my girlfriend?"

Her eyes widened in surprise to match her expression, but that only lasted a moment before she calmed again and happiness overtook her features. I knew it was an expression which was only mirrored on my own face.

She leant forward again, so we were so close that there was barely any space between us. I wrapped my arms more securely around her as she leant into me to whisper –

"Yes, I would love too."

* * *

**_Next Chapter Preview:_**

_(Bella)_

_I could barely even look at him – the expression his face was just too heartbreaking. It was full of so much shock and hurt, that just looking at him could send me to the floor in agony._

_Agony because I knew that this was my fault… his pain was all my doing, no one else._

_"I thought that this meant something to you," he murmured, gesturing between us._

_"It does!" I insisted._

_He was already shaking his head though, and to my horror, stepping away from me like he couldn't bare to be near me, "Then why did you say those things? Why did you say I meant nothing to you?"_

* * *

Things sure are advancing now huh? Come back for the next chapter, where the truth about Bella's illness begins to unravel as she begins to feel sicker, and Edward finally begins to suspect something's wrong… will he find out the truth though?

I really hope you all liked this chapter. Please review to let me know if you did.

Thanks for reading!


	9. Sober

A/N- Hi! Thanks again for the reviews! I've already thanked everyone individually but thought I would mention it here again! I can't believe we've reached over 110 reviews already!

Just in case people were wondering – I've finished the outline, and if it all goes to plan there will be 35 chapters including the epilogue. It won't be any less then that, and may end up being even more, depending on how it all goes. So yeah, this isn't going to be a short story, but there and again there's no way this plot can be rushed. I just hope you all stick around for it!

This is quite a quick update, but it will be a while until the next chapter. I worked hard to get this done, because I'm going away early Sunday morning until next Friday. I'm going on holiday with my best friend to Paris, so yeah… there will be time for writing out there! When I get back I'll work as hard as I can to get an update out when I get back, but it may be a couple of weeks away. I'm aiming for it to be on the 22nd though, so look out for it from then!

This chapter is a bit more emotional, but I hope you all like it. Please review and let me know if you did!

* * *

"_And I don't know,  
__This could break my heart or save me.  
__Nothing's real, until you let go completely,  
__So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving,  
__So here I go with all my fears weighing on me._

_Three months and I'm still sober,  
__Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers.  
__But I know it's never really over…_

_And I don't know I could crash and burn but maybe,  
__At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me.  
__So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right,  
__No comparing, second guessing, no not this time."  
__~ Sober, Kelly Clarkson. _

**_To Wish Impossible Things._**  
**_Chapter Nine._**

_Isabella Swan. September 2006._

It was now the 23rd of September and rapidly nearing October – so in other words, nearly three months since I'd been told my diagnosis.

Three months… and I had barely even begun accepting my fate.

But wow… had things changed in that time. Just twelve weeks ago I was alone, scared, writing my list of all the things I wanted to achieve in my final year. I told myself I was going to achieve all of them, but deep down I didn't know if I was being true to myself… I didn't know how things were going to go, or how soon I would become really sick.

I never in a million years thought that I would be feeling really healthy and the happiest I had ever been. I knew it was probably going to change soon… but for now I was just having the time of my life.

The last week had been the big changer – ever since the night of my birthday where Edward had asked me out on the date. It was all I had thought about, even when I'd spent time with Jessica and Angela the day after.

We'd spent the day in Port Angeles, just the three of us, and although it was any girl's idea of a perfect day - shopping and lunch with her best friends - I couldn't help but feel like something was different in our dynamic. I couldn't help but notice the flaws in our friendship… and how it didn't seem like we all really fit together.

… And not to mention Jessica seemed a lot more vain then normal.

In the day I'd spent shopping with Alice she'd always been very helpful and complimentary about anything I tried on. But Jessica… well, lets just say I had to put up with comments about how the clothes didn't help flatter my pale skin or thin frame. Things that she knew were caused by years of having cancer wrecking havoc on my body.

Never once in my life have I ever looked for sympathy from anyone… but I couldn't help but feel that she could be a little nicer. Ever since I'd told her about my diagnosis, she'd never actually asked how I was doing or if I was okay.

And if it was the other way around, I know I would be deeply concerned for her, but it kind of seemed… like she didn't really care so much. In the past week or two she'd befriended a couple of other girls at the school, and she seemed to talk about them more then anything else to me and Angela.

Well… that's not entirely true. She talked about her new friends a lot, but she also talked about something else just as much, or should I say someone…

_Edward._

It was getting quite difficult listening to her comments about how _'hot he is'_ and how '_they'll soon be together'_. I knew it wasn't true… because I knew it was me he'd asked on the date, and I'd heard his comments about her the day I saw them talking in the hall. But it was still hard to hear nonetheless, because despite everything I was still a little insecure… I just couldn't see why he'd want me over her.

She was so much prettier and popular after all.

But there and again, Edward wasn't like that… he actually had real interests and liked proper conversations, which Jessica wasn't really a fan of. But still… I couldn't help but feel a little insecure as we stood side by side, showing Angela the dresses we were trying on. I couldn't help but notice how the colour only made me look sickly, while it flattered Jessica completely, and how the dress hung off of me, while it hugged Jessica's curves perfectly.

I may not feel sick… but I sure was beginning to look it, and Jessica made sure I knew it, which really stung – having your worst fears confirmed by someone who's supposed to be your friend was really difficult.

And not only that… but Angela never once came out and said anything about any of Jessica's comments like she normally does. She was very quiet – more then she normally was – and I couldn't help but think that something was wrong. But when I asked her, she just told me that everything was okay, leaving no room for argument.

I knew I had to tell them about me and Edward… but there never seemed to be the time to say it. In the end I just decided to tell them after the date, maybe on the Monday after it when I saw them at school. I'm sure Jessica would be okay with it… wouldn't she? She is my friend, so in theory she should be happy for me, knowing everything I'd been through?

Well, that was the theory anyway.

Overall, it was a slightly uncomfortable day, which I would have much rather spent with someone else, but despite everything it was nice to see Jessica and Angela – they'd been my friends for so long now.

But despite my faith that both of them did care, I couldn't help the sinking feeling I had. A big change was coming… I didn't know what it was, but I really feared it.

At least I was happy with the knowledge that I had the Cullen's, Charlie, and Jacob too. I had spent all of Sunday with him, and unlike the day before I'd had a really great time. I'd forgotten how easy it was to be around Jacob – he was so free spirited and fun loving that I found myself feeling the same way. All my worries disappeared… until we got to later on in the day where I knew I had to tell him about the cancer. His reaction surprised me… he was truly devastated, and we'd ended up crying together as he'd hugged me, refusing to let go.

I then spent a couple more hours with him, making sure he was okay, and wanted to stay even longer but he insisted on me going home to get some rest – I was feeling really tired by that point – and promised he would call me later on.

_Which he did._

He told me he'd be there for me, and we'd made a vow to spend Sunday afternoons together just hanging out. I didn't see the harm in it… he was my friend and he really did care, so of course I wanted to spend time with him. I didn't think much else of it and I hoped Edward wouldn't either.

I didn't really know if Edward was the jealous type or not.

Anyway, after spending the day with Jacob the rest of the week passed quickly and soon enough it was my date with Edward. There are no words to describe how nervous I was beforehand… I was literally shaking with nerves, hoping that the night went okay. But when he arrived to pick me up, and smiled so sweetly when he saw me I felt all my nerves disappear.

This was Edward… he was kind and caring; there was no need to be afraid.

The whole night was wonderful… the restaurant he took me too was great, and made me laugh when I saw the name of it. We'd had a great time in each others company, but I still didn't know what to expect from him… but I soon found out his intentions on the way home.

He'd kissed me in the most romantic and tender way and then adorably asked me to be his girlfriend… I didn't even know that guys were like that anymore. It always seemed like they expected things from you, but Edward was different… in so many ways…

And I knew I was incredibly lucky to have met him… to have him.

I was planning to tell him the truth about my cancer this weekend… he had told me that he had somewhere he wanted to take me. Apparently it was somewhere secluded where we could be alone, so I knew it was a perfect opportunity. I had to tell him soon, I knew that. I just hoped he wouldn't hate me for leaving it this long.

I broke out of my thoughts as I arrived at school – it was Monday, just three days since mine and Edward's date. It was a nice day today… the clouds seemed light and not dark and depressing like they normally are. I secretly wished for some sunlight to come out this week… it had felt like ages since I had seen it and I longed for the feeling it bought when I felt it on my skin.

I got out of my truck slowly, deciding to listen to some music while I waited for Edward to arrive. So as I stood outside, I placed my bag on the seat and began rummaging around in it, looking for my I-Pod. I was focused on my task until I felt a gust of cold wind and someone suddenly behind me. I smiled as a pair of familiar arms wound around my waist, pulling my back against their chest.

"Hi," I smiled.

"Hello," Edward murmured, burying his face in my hair.

I snuggled against him for a moment, smiling when he gently nuzzled my neck, before turning around in his arms, desperate to see his face.

His expression was light and happy and his golden eyes were almost shining as he smiled down at me.

"How are you?" he asked me softly.

"I'm good," I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck, "how about you?"

"Oh, I'm great now," he grinned as he reached out and brushed some hair out of my face.

His lips were on mine then and I sighed into the kiss, loving this feeling… this feeling of being whole, of being complete. I threw myself into the kiss, moving my lips in perfect sync with his, feeling happy when I felt him smile.

We kissed for several more moments until it was necessary to break apart for air, and even then his lips didn't leave my skin – he kissed a trail down to my jaw before nuzzling his face back into my neck.

I thought I heard him murmur _'so warm' _but I could have been imagining it, but there and again he _did_ feel cold this morning. And coming to think about it, his skin always seemed a lot cooler then mine…

"Hmm… I wish we didn't have to go to school today," he murmured, his breath tickling my skin.

"Why's that?" I asked.

He moved so that his face was level with mine and wrapped his arms more securely round me. "Because I would rather spend the day with you," he admitted, smiling crookedly at me.

"I would too," I smiled, "but at least we have biology together… and we'll see each other after school."

I was going round his house to spend time with him and the family – I had been desperate to see Esme ever since I'd met her on my birthday, and I was also getting the chance to meet Carlisle today who I had wanted to meet for a while now.

"That's true," he smiled, "I'm looking forward to that. Are you sure you can't sit with us at lunch?"

"Sorry, but no, I wish I could though, but I need to tell my friends about us first," I told him sadly.

"I don't see what the problem is with telling them," he frowned.

I but my lip, uncomfortable talking about this - "Jessica's got a bit of a crush on you… it may be hard for her to accept that we're together," I explained.

"It doesn't matter what she thinks," he murmured, pulling me close again to kiss the top of my head.

"Hey, she has feelings too you know," I mumbled against his chest.

"You don't know the things she's thinking," He murmured more to himself then me. "But okay… I understand. I just wish you could sit with us because I would like to see you… and I know Alice would too."

"I would if I could, you know that," I whispered sadly.

"I know," he smiled at me, as he cupped my face in his hands.

He began leaning in towards me again, but the moment was ruined by the sound of the bell ringing, causing me to jump in surprise – had that much time passed already?

Edward sighed at the interruption, and I smiled at him, "guess we'd better get going, huh?"

"I guess so," he murmured.

I reluctantly untangled myself from his arms, and was about to head towards class, but he gently gripped my arm, turning me so I was looking at him.

"Bella, I…" he murmured, looking like he was debating telling me something or not, before shaking his head slightly. "You know how much you mean to me, don't you?"

I smiled at him softly, once again overwhelmed by him.

"I do," I whispered.

He smiled and leant down to kiss me quickly before grabbing my hand and leading me towards class. As we walked in, I caught a glance of curly brown hair that I knew belonged to Jessica and froze.

_Just how much had she seen?_

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

Unfortunately for me, the day passed at an unbelievably slow pace. I knew it was because I was excited about this afternoon and going to the Cullen's house – it always seemed like whenever you had something to look forward too, time would always go slower.

At least for me it did.

Classes were a little boring, and lunch was just… _awkward_… Angela was even quieter then she was that day in Port Angeles, and Jessica was too. She barely spoke a word, confirming my suspicions that she might have seen me and Edward, but I was too cowardly to ask her if that was what was wrong.

She only sat with us half the lunch before moving over to Lauren Mallory's table – and I noticed she suddenly became chattier when she was with them.

I was so nervous I could barely eat, so I gave up after a couple of bites of my sandwich and apple. I knew that it didn't matter – I could always eat later.

Luckily, biology was a lot more enjoyable… Mr. Banner set us all individual tasks to complete with our lab partner, which as geeky as it sounds – was a lot of fun. Just being in Edward's presence made me feel a lot happier… even though by that point I was feeling a little unwell.

I felt weak and shaky which made me feel unsteady on my feet, and like I could throw up any minute. I hid it from him though, desperately hoping it would pass.

Edward then walked me to my next class, kissing me on the forehead as he left, telling me he would meet me by my truck after school. I concentrated on the thought of that throughout my final class, and tried to push the sick feeling to the back of my mind.

But to no avail… if anything I just felt sicker as the rest of the day passed.

I made my way to my truck quickly when the final bell rang, eager to see Edward; however to my surprise it wasn't Edward waiting by my truck… but Jessica instead.

She was leaning against it, with her arms crossed and a furious expression on her face as she watched me approach. My thoughts were then confirmed… she had seen me and Edward. I felt the sick feeling intensify as I approached, knowing that this wasn't going to be pleasant.

"Hi," I whispered when I finally made it to the truck.

"Hello Bella," she spat, saying my name with malice in her voice.

I swallowed heavily, "are you okay?"

She looked at me angrily, "am I okay? Am I okay?" she nearly yelled, "Bella, tell me how I can be okay when I've just found out that my best friend is a liar?"

"I was going to tell you," I mumbled.

"When exactly? Before you and Edward officially got together? Oh wait, you've already done that haven't you?" she muttered sarcastically.

I leant against the truck for support – I felt like I was going to fall over any moment. I didn't reply to her comment… because I didn't have anything to say.

As my silence continued her expression suddenly turned from anger to hurt, "how could you? Out of all the guys in this school how could you go for the one you know I liked?"

I don't know what it was, but something about her comment irked me, "the one guy you liked? Oh, please! I know you like any guy here with two working legs," I spat sarcastically.

She recoiled slightly, clearly surprised that I was now arguing back, "Well yeah, that's true… but Edward's different, he's so much hotter…"

"He's not a piece of meat you know," I interrupted her angrily.

Her expression turned furious at my interruption, "Oh really? Don't tell me you haven't noticed how gorgeous he is, why else would you be with him?"

"Because he's thoughtful, he's intelligent… he's the nicest person I've ever met, and treats me like I'm actually special, unlike everyone else here," I explained to her, hoping she would actually begin to understand it a little.

_But surprise surprise… she didn't_.

"You really expect me to believe that crap?" she rolled her eyes.

"Yes," I nodded, not at all fazed. I knew what I was saying she true… she was the one who was twisting things.

She was silent for a moment, before her expression changed again, into a malicious one filled with pure hatred.

"He'll end up leaving you, you know," she murmured, "he'll want someone prettier and more interesting then you, just you wait."

Her words stung, but I was determined to not let her know that, "that's okay, it's not like I care anyway," I lied.

"Oh is that right?" she murmured, her expression turning into a smirk. She wasn't even looking at me right now – she was focused on something behind me, and as her expression turned even smugger, I suddenly found myself _hating_ her. How dare she try and ruin this for me, after everything she knows I've been through!

I decided to lie once more so I could get her to go away before Edward got here – I knew my words wouldn't make sense because I had just told her how amazing he is, but right now I was desperate to just get her to leave. I just hoped she was stupid enough to believe what I was going to say next –

"It doesn't matter if I don't mean anything to him, because he means _nothing_ to me. He's just a guy that's all, nothing to get worked up over. So go away Jess… I don't want to talk to you anymore," I told her.

"That's fine with me, I don't want to talk to you either," she muttered, "goodbye, Bella."

She then turned and walked away, leaving me alone. I sighed and leant back against the truck again, relieved to be alone for a moment to calm down. However, as everything became silent I realised I wasn't alone… I could hear unsteady breathing behind me and I felt dread sink into my system.

I turned around slowly - afraid to see who it was - and to my absolute horror it was Edward.

And by the look on his face… I knew he'd heard my comments. It was obvious he'd approached towards the end of the argument because that was when Jessica turned smug, looking behind me at something… _someone_.

I was so stupid!

I decided to break the silence so I could tell him the truth… that I was just lying to get Jessica off my back.

"Hi," I whispered.

His head was bowed but at my voice he lifted it up to look at me, "hello," he murmured sadly, before turning to walk away.

"Edward, wait!" I begged, chasing after him.

"Why should I?" he asked. His voice wasn't angry… it was broken, almost dead sounding. He suddenly stopped and turned to look at me, waiting for me to say something.

But suddenly the words wouldn't come out. "I… she…"

"There's no need to explain. I heard what you said," he interrupted me.

Upset at this horrible situation I felt my body begin to shake even more and my eyes fill with tears. I could barely even look at him – the expression his face was just too heartbreaking. It was full of so much shock and hurt, that just looking at him could send me to the floor in agony.

Agony because I knew that this was my fault… his pain was all my doing, no one else.

He sighed sadly, "I thought that this meant something to you," he murmured, gesturing between us.

"It does!" I insisted.

He was already shaking his head though, and to my horror, stepping away from me, "Then why did you say those things? Why did you say I meant nothing to you?"

"To get her to go away, Edward! That was the only reason!" I told him. "Please, Edward, can't you see how much I care about you?"

He shrugged, "I used to think you did… but now I'm not so sure."

I sighed sadly, the tears now pouring down my cheeks relentlessly. "Please believe me, Edward. I was _lying_ when I said those things to her."

He raised his eyebrows, "Why were you lying though? Why couldn't you just tell her the truth?" he asked me.

"I… I don't know. I guess it's just because she's been my friend for so long," I replied.

"Oh come on, Bella, you really think that's how friends treat people? She's evil, Bella, and she only cares about herself." He murmured bitterly, "And I can see that her attitude is beginning to rub off on you a little bit."

"What?" I gasped, shocked at what he was suggesting. "Are you saying I only care about myself?"

He just shrugged, not saying anything.

"How dare you… I've always put other people before me. _Always!"_ I yelled. "Yes, I may look out for myself sometimes, but that's only because no one else will! No one else cares about me! You know that my own mom left me right? Even she didn't give a damn!"

I was pretty much hysterical by this point, and I felt like I was going to be sick at any moment, but I wasn't going to give up. "I was just lying to her to get to her to go away, Edward. I can't stand being yelled at, so I got her to stop by telling her a lie. Only that worked out so great didn't it… because now instead of Jessica, it's _you_ who's yelling at me - someone who's supposed to be my boyfriend who should always believe me when I say that I really do care!"

Edward was about to say something in response… but I never got to hear it. For in that moment, my stomach finally decided to give up, and I found myself falling to the floor as I heaved, throwing up the little contents I had in my stomach over the road.

I sobbed, as I suddenly felt horrendously unwell… I could barely even see straight through my tears and through the dizziness. Everything looked like it was spinning, and I was just about ready to throw myself fully to the floor and give up.

However, as I continued to heave and cough I suddenly felt someone wrap their arms around me, using one arm to hold me securely to make sure I didn't fall, while the other gently rubbed my back in soothing strokes.

_Edward._

"Shh, its okay Bella, calm down." He murmured, "Please calm down sweetheart."

Eventually his ministrations worked and I found that my crying was slowing down and that I was beginning to get my breath back. Knowing I wasn't going to throw up anymore, I used to all my strength to move so I was no longer on my hands and knees, but in Edward's arms instead.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, while his wound around my back holding me tighter then he ever had before. He was shaking himself, but still held me so tightly that I felt so protected and safe.

I still felt horribly unwell… but just being in Edward's arms made me feel so much better.

When I finally had the strength to use my voice, I whispered, "I'm sorry, Edward."

"No, Bella, its me who should be sorry," he whispered, kissing all the way down the side of my face. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

"It's okay," I whispered.

He nodded, and continued to hold me tightly. The entire car lot was empty by now – everyone had just left, not paying attention to what had happened, but I was glad of that. I didn't need anyone else to witness everything that had just happened.

Edward held me for several moments, before starting to loosen his grip on me.

"No! Please don't go, Edward," I gasped, holding on to him, "I need you so much."

"I'm not going anywhere, love," he murmured, smiling at me, "I was just going to take you home."

"Oh, right," I blushed, embarrassed by my outburst.

He stood up but pulled me with him, and then lifted me into his arms, easily as if I weighed nothing. He held me tightly to him, with one hand around my back and one under my knees.

"We're okay right?" I asked him as he began walking towards my truck.

"Yes, we're okay," he replied, squeezing me tighter, "let's just forget about today, yes?"

"Yes please," I sighed, "instead of going to mine, can we just go back to your house?"

"Not today, we'll go tomorrow instead, but today you need to rest and feel better," he murmured, kissing my forehead, "what happened there, Bella?" he asked, referring to me throwing up.

"I don't know… I had been feeling sick all day and I guess I got a bit too upset," I half-lied.

"I'm sorry," he murmured again.

"It's not your fault," I whispered, "do you promise we'll go round your house tomorrow?"

"I promise," he told me gently as he lowered me into the passenger seat – luckily I hadn't bothered with locking my car door this morning knowing there was no point. It's not like anyone was going to steal it.

He was about to shut the door so he could walk around to the drivers side but hesitated, and then leant down so he was eye level with me.

"Bella?" he whispered.

"Yes?" I asked.

"You were wrong… when you said that no one gives a damn, and that no one will look out for you," he murmured, as he cupped my cheek in his hand, "because I do… and I will _always_ look out for you."

I was speechless but managed to nod, hoping he would see how much his words meant just through my expression. I felt a lone tear fall down my cheek which he caught with his hand.

Today was just proof of how broken I was… I had literally fallen apart at the seams the first time I'd had a bit of drama in my life. But as quickly as he'd broken me, Edward had put me back together… he was saving me, and I didn't know if he fully realised it.

He smiled at me, and leant down to brush his lips across mine, kissing me softly almost as if he thought I could break at any second.

"You mean the world to me Edward… you really do," I whispered, wanting to express just some of my feelings out loud.

My words just made his smile even more beautiful though, showing me how much they meant to him. He leant forward once again, ready to kiss me, and against my lips he whispered - "Bella, you are my life now."

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**_Next chapter preview (subject to change):_**

_(Edward)_

_"What is it Alice, what's wrong?" I asked frantic._

_She looked at me sadly, "I just had a vision," she whispered._

_"What did you see? Is it Bella, is she okay?" I asked her, grasping onto her shoulders tightly. The panic was surging through me… there was no way Alice would look so horrified if it wasn't something really, really bad._

_"I don't know," she shook her head frantically. She was shaking herself, "I saw you and her… and then you I saw you devastated. Something's wrong, Edward. Something's really wrong."_

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Come back for the next chapter, where the truth about Bella's illness begins to unravel as she begins to feel sicker, and Edward finally begins to suspect something's wrong… will he find out the truth though?

I know some people were expecting Jessica to get what's coming to her this chapter. It will happen soon I promise, and it will be worth the wait!

Anyway, hope you all liked this chapter. Please review!

Thanks for reading!


	10. The flood

A/N- Hi! Thanks again for all the amazing reviews! I've replied to everyone individually again. Although bare in mind that I can't reply to anonymous reviews and those who had disabled private messaging. This is why I always make sure to say thank you at the beginning of each chapter - so people know that I appreciate every single review.

So, I've been back from Paris for a week now and ready to really work on this story! Unfortunately, when I got home I found out some sad news... a friend of the family has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. He's 32 years old and has just been told he's got three months to live. I'm not going to go into much detail for obvious reasons but lets just say its shook me up a bit... I've been in tears multiple times thinking about it. He's been completely healthy until now, but got a bad cough and doctors discovered it. Its really sad, and all of my family have been upset by it. But it eventually lead me to think about this story and about how people cope in these types of situations and its made me determined to try even harder. I will make sure I do Bella's POV justice and hope it comes across as moving and emotional, because sadly things like this happen all the time.

Anyway, here's the latest chapter, back to Edward's POV. Hope you all like it!

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"_Standing, on the edge of forever,  
__At the start of whatever, shouting love at the world.  
__Back then, we were like cavemen,  
__We'd beam at the moon and the stars,  
__Then we forgave them. _

_You know no one dies, in these love town lies,  
__Through our love drowned eyes, we'll watch you sleep tonight. _

_Although no one understood we were holding back the flood,  
__Learning how to dance the rain.  
__We were holding back the flood they said we'd never dance again…"  
__~ The Flood, Take That._

_**To Wish Impossible Things.**_

_**Chapter Ten**_.

_Edward Cullen. September 2006._

October was nearing… in just a couple of days the month of September would just be a memory, and we would be thrust into another time of year.

The end of Autumn… and the beginning of Winter.

I had always loved the winter… because of the weather it meant that me and my family were able to act more freely and not hide so much. And there was just something I enjoyed about it - maybe it was the cool air that matched the temperature of my skin, or the way everything looked whenever it occasionally snowed.

Or… maybe it was more then that.

All I knew was that it had always been my favourite season… even when I was human all those years ago.

But this year was different in a way… September had been such a special month to me, that the thought of letting it go was difficult. But I knew that it wasn't going to be a bad thing… if anything October may turn out be even better. But still, I knew that I would always look back on September 2006 as the best month of my life.

It was the month where everything changed.

Because I'd found Bella… the love of my life.

This week had been difficult - Monday in particular was a very strange, confusing day. It started off great with both me and Bella on a real high from our date and becoming an actual couple. We were desperate to be close to each other and excited about plans for Bella to come back to my house for time with the family and the opportunity to meet Carlisle. I also planned to play her a song I'd written for her… it was something I'd come up with the night of our date while I just thought of her. I was excited to see her reaction, and to just be with her in the place where I was most comfortable, and eagerly awaited the end of the school day. But then, Bella's vile 'friend' Jessica ruined our plans and nearly ruined something that was so special just by acting jealous and saying horrible things which caused Bella to say some hurtful comments in retaliation.

Originally Bella was determined to not hurt Jessica, and that's why she had held off telling her about us. I understood that. The only thing I didn't understand was why Bella was so loyal to her in the first place… I hadn't been here long but I could already tell that Jessica was not a good person - Monday was perfect proof of that - and that she didn't really care about Bella as a friend.

I tended to not listen to her thoughts too much, because I was afraid of what I would hear. However, when I listened for a moment during their argument all her mind was filled with were thoughts of hatred towards Bella, which proved my fears.

But Bella still believed that Jessica was a friend to her… and ever since their fall out she hadn't said one word against her. I figured there must be some reason why she refused to openly hate Jessica - maybe something had happened before in their past which had led Bella to find it impossible to hate Jessica. Although, for all I knew she could be constantly hating her in her mind… its not like I could hear her thoughts after all.

It was something else that I loved about her. She was a mystery and always surprised me, always doing what I least expected. I knew that hearing her thoughts would take some of that away, so I was grateful for the silence. Although I will admit there have been moments where I had wished to hear what she was thinking… with Monday afternoon being top of the list.

The rest of the week had been a lot better then Monday, with no more major complications making things difficult luckily. We'd spent all of our time together, with me going over to her house the majority of the evenings after school. She'd even began sitting with all of us at lunch permanently - her fall out with Jessica unfortunately also lead to her not talking to Angela, so it left her no option but to sit with us. She seemed a lot happier though, and even said that she preferred it that way, and needless to say I was delighted to have even more time with her. Alice was too, and it even seemed like Rosalie was warming up to her a little bit. Rose and I hadn't spoken since our argument, but that was more then fine with me - when she wanted to apologise I would be waiting.

Everything was going perfectly… I was enjoying the euphoria that being in love bought and the time flew by as it usually did whenever I was in Bella's company.

However… that was all ruined yesterday. It was very rare, but occasionally Fork's would get sunny days, and unfortunately that had to happen yesterday - on a Friday school day. I knew that there was no way I could go to school without exposing myself to the humans so I had no choice but to stay at home leaving Bella on her own.

I'd called her in the morning before school and made up an excuse about Esme needing us around the house all day - it was the best lie I could come up with on short notice. I felt like telling her we'd all gone camping, but that wouldn't have been believable as I was around her house until late the night before. She seemed okay with it, although I couldn't help but notice how quiet she sounded. I assumed it was just because she was upset at being left alone, and told her how sorry I was.

_She didn't know just how desperate I was to be there._

The day passed incredibly slowly with me just spending it in my room alone. I did go and visit Alice several times to see if she'd seen anything to do with Bella. However, all she could see was visions that had me in them and the ones she'd seen a while ago that had bought us here in the first place. For some reason she'd never picked up a vision of just Bella, and while that was slightly frightening I tried not to worry about it and convinced myself that she'd see anything worth seeing, like if Bella ever was in danger for example.

Eventually three o'clock arrived and I eagerly called Bella, wanting to see if she was okay. It took me several tries but she finally answered, and the reception I got shocked me.

She was so much more quiet then earlier… almost withdrawn perhaps. I instantly knew that something had happened but she insisted everything was fine, but told me that she wanted to be alone. The original plan was for me to go over in the evening when it was dark, just so I could see her, but suddenly she didn't want me to.

It stung… the feeling of not being wanted I mean. I knew she'd probably had a difficult day and needed some time alone, but it still didn't seem like her to act like this.

I gave her the space she wanted though… although one time I was so very close to going and checking on her to see if she was okay but I held myself back. I did very quickly go and check on her during the night though - it was 2 in the morning and she was fast asleep when I did. She looked calm and peaceful as she lay there, and as tempting as the idea of staying all night was, I just kissed her on the forehead and left, content enough with the knowledge that she was safe.

I believed that she'd soon be back in contact by the next morning… but unfortunately it was now the afternoon and I'd heard nothing from her. I'd tried calling her but she'd never picked up.

The worry was killing me.

Emmett had been out on a run and told me he'd passed Bella's house on the way but neither her truck or Charlie's police cruiser was there, so my idea of going to visit her was out of the equation.

I decided to try calling her again - hopefully with a little luck she'd answer this time. I looked around my room for my phone for a while, before remembering that I'd left it downstairs on top of the piano. I made my way down, decided to ask Alice once again if she'd seen anything.

But when I made it down the sight before me shocked me… Alice was there on the sofa, with her head in her hands. Jasper was next to her with his arm around her shoulder, murmuring comforting words to her.

I quickly made my way over and crouched in front of her, placing my hand on her knee.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly, really worried about her.

She just shook her head though so I looked over to Jasper for help.

He just shrugged, "She was like this when I found her - I don't know what happened," he told me sadly.

I nodded and turned my attention back to her, surprised to find that she'd now lifted her head up and was staring into space.

"What is it Alice, what's wrong?" I asked frantic.

She looked at me sadly, "I just had a vision," she whispered.

"What did you see? Is it Bella, is she okay?" I asked her, grasping onto her shoulders tightly. The panic was surging through me… there was no way Alice would look so horrified if it wasn't something really, really bad.

"I don't know," she shook her head frantically. She was shaking herself, "I saw you and her… and then you I saw you devastated. Something's wrong, Edward. Something's really wrong."

"Show me," I whispered, needing to see this for myself.

She nodded and then began to repeat the vision she'd seen in her mind…

_It was us - me and Bella - and we were sitting in some sort of field… only, it looked like more then that. It was a small circle shaped clearing that had long grass and filled with wildflowers of many colours. It was so quiet that you could hear the rustling of the leaves in the trees and the sound of a stream in the background._

_It was a meadow. _

_And normally the beauty would astound me, but in reality it paled in comparison to the girl with me. _

_Me and Bella were sitting on the grass so we were face-to-face, and even though our hands were intertwined there was no other contact. Her head was bowed, but slowly she lifted it up to show tear filled eyes._

"_Edward, like I told you before… I've got something to tell you," she whispered, her voice breaking. _

"_It's not good is it?" I asked her. _

_She shook her head, "No, it isn't. It's really, really bad," she whispered, taking a deep unsteady breath, "Edward, I'm so sorry." _

The vision suddenly faded then and I frantically asked Alice if she'd seen anything else. She apologised saying that was all that had come to her, but that she'd keep looking for anything else.

I was crouched down but I fell back so I was on the floor, numb as it hit me…

She'd been avoiding me, not wanting to see me, not answering my calls…

And now she has something bad to tell me?

Suddenly, I knew what it was.

"She's going to leave me," I whispered. "Bella doesn't want me anymore."

"Oh, Edward, I'm sorry," Alice gasped.

"How do you know that? What was the vision?" Jasper asked confused.

Alice filled him in quickly, but I was too numb to hear what she was saying. I couldn't hear anything, or see anything… I was too shocked, too hurt to even breathe.

How could she want to end something that was so wonderful? So special? Did she not mean all those things she'd said?

Had she been lying to me the entire time?

I felt arms around me and looked down to see it was Alice who was hugging me. I was too numb to react though but leant into her grasp, grateful for the comfort. I then felt Jasper place his hand on my shoulder.

"Edward, please don't panic. You can't be sure that's what it is," he told me quietly.

"What else could it be?" I asked him sadly.

He was silent for a long time, "I… I don't know," he eventually whispered.

I sighed angrily, my thoughts now taking a bitter turn. "I should have known this would happen… I mean heaven forbid Edward Cullen gets some happiness in his life!" I nearly yelled, "I should have known it wouldn't last."

Alice clutched onto me tighter, "It just doesn't make sense… I saw all those visions of you together… why would she do this?"

"She obviously changed her mind about being with me," I replied quietly, pulling away from her and standing up, "I'm going to go outside… I need some air."

They didn't say anything as I left and didn't try to follow and I was grateful for that - I needed to be alone for a while.

I didn't end up going far though, and just ended up sitting on the front steps watching the forest as I tried to think.

It didn't work though… my mind was completely blank - maybe it was due to shock or disbelief I wasn't sure. I knew I shouldn't get ahead of myself - maybe it was something different she had to tell me. Maybe she had to go away for a while or something like that?

No… there's no way it would be something as simple as that.

I knew that everything added up to her leaving me… why would she be acting so distant after all?

I sat there for a long time, pleased that it was cloudy today - the sun made me paranoid even if there wasn't any humans around. I hated the way I looked when the sun shone, so was grateful for the cloud cover.

_The darkness it bought only matched my mood anyway._

I must have been there hours, numb with upset and grief. No one came to disturb me, and I certainly made no effort to go and talk to them. I don't think I could speak right now even if I tried.

The roar of an engine made me jump in surprise, and I looked out towards the forest already knowing who it was. I would recognise the sound of that engine anywhere.

I stood to my feet ready for her to appear with determination in my mind… if she was going to leave me, I was going to have to try and stop her. There was some sort of reason causing this - her rash decision - and I had to try and convince that us breaking up was not the right move.

I couldn't lose her… not yet.

_Not ever. _

_

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_

**_Next Chapter Preview (subject to change)_**

_(Bella)_

_"You're going to leave me aren't you?" he asked quietly._

_What? Where did he come to that conclusion? Didn't he know that he meant everything to me?_

_If anything it was going to be him that left me, once he found out the truth that is…_

_I tried to explain that to him, "No, Edward, I…"_

_But he cut me off by raising his hand, "There's no point in denying it, Bella. I can see it written all over your face, but can I just tell you something first?" he asked me softly._

_I knew I had to tell him the truth as soon as I could - before it became too difficult. But his expression was so beautiful and was pleading with me to let him speak._

_How could I ever deny him?_

_"Anything," I whispered._

_

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_

We're back to Bella next chapter… and the reasons for the way she's been acting will all be explained.

Okay, so I know this was a short chapter… I did consider cutting it out and just going straight onto the next one. But I realised it was important to let Edward speak… because next chapter, its Bella. And trust me, next chapter is going to be big, you won't want to miss it! It should be out very soon.

Hope you all liked the chapter. Please review.

Thanks for reading!


	11. Gravity

A/N- Hi, sorry for the long time between this chapter and the last, real life completely got in the way. I'm back now though, and the next chapter will be out a lot quicker I promise! Thanks for all the reviews its really appreciated.

152 people now have this on alert, which is amazing, but the average amount of reviews I get is 14, is there any chance of hearing from a few more people? Your opinions are really important, and encouraging. This chapter took so long to write, so it would be nice to hear from a few more people, even if its just a couple of words?

So yeah, in this chapter I've been trying my best to make Bella's thoughts as realistic as possible, basing a lot of them around what my friends going through. Like Bella, he's still feeling fairly healthy but has come round to the point where he has accepted it. This chapter, is partly about her beginning accepting her fate along with telling the truth. I hope you all like it.

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_"Honey, It's been a long time coming,_  
_And I can't stop now._  
_Such a long time running,_  
_And I can't stop now._  
_Do you hear my heart beating?_  
_Can you hear that sound?_  
_'cause I can't help thinking,_  
_And I don't look down._

_And then I looked up at the sun,_  
_And I could see…_  
_Oh, the way that gravity turns for you and me._  
_And then I looked up at the sky, and saw the sun…_  
_And the way that gravity pulls on everyone,_  
_On everyone."_  
_~ Gravity, Embrace._

**_To Wish Impossible Things._**

**_Chapter Eleven._**

_Isabella Swan.  
__September 2006._

_Saturday Afternoon. _

I had always based my life on quotes - quotes I had heard in movies or read in books, quotes that I felt related to me. However, recently as I spent time searching the internet for websites that would help me with school work, I had found one that had almost made me think 'why would any write this?'

It went like this…

"_Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again. So when life gets tough you can just play pretend. I wanna go back to when Santa did exist. When your daddy was the only boy you ever kissed. When Disney World was the best place to be. When the only movies you could see were rated G. When your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn't change...and your friends were the same. And every time you were sad or you had a bad day. You could just run to mommy and it would all be okay. I wanna go back to no hurt...and no pain...just laughter. When everyone always lives happily ever after."_

At the time I didn't think anyone could ever want this… why would they want to be young again, when they could be grown up? Where they could be old enough, and ready to go and face the world and stand alone? Ready to face true challenges and make real achievements. Like going to college, getting a good job, getting married…

_Why would anyone choose to be a kid again when they could have all of that?_

However… over the last couple of days as my situation sunk in, I realised how much this quote did relate to me. Because being a kid again - before I got sick - would mean no pain. It would mean that I had no worries… that Charlie would still be happy, and my mom would still love me like how she used to before she left me. Not to mention that when you're young you don't get so attached to people, aside from your parents, so you never worried about hurting anyone.

And you would _never_ have to do what I'm about to do today… this very afternoon.

The truck bumped almost uncontrollably along the gravel road as I pushed the accelerator even further down, pushing it to its maximum speed, wishing this damn thing was capable of going faster then 45. My vision was blurred with my tears, but I continued to push myself forward.

I knew I had to get there… I had to see him.

I had to tell him the truth before I changed my mind.

The truck groaned from the pressure as I over steered around a sharp bend. I knew I wasn't far from my destination now. This was the first time I had driven here alone, but I knew the way - I knew my instincts alone would take me there if nothing else.

The radio was fuzzy but I could hear the sad song that was playing, which was a song that totally fitted my situation. And as I lost myself in the music, I thought about the moments over the last couple of days that had bought me here.

To this moment… where I was preparing to tell Edward the truth.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

_One day ago…_

_Friday afternoon. _

To say that this day had gone incredibly slow would be an understatement. In reality, it had felt like every hour that had gone by was really ten, and that each minute felt like an hour.

And it was all because I missed them.

I had gotten the phone call from Edward before school, telling me that he and his family weren't going to be there. He'd given me some excuse that didn't sound totally plausible to me… but I didn't think about questioning him. If he said he was staying at home to help Esme, then I believed him.

I missed him like crazy though… I knew it had only been a day since I'd seen him, but I was already desperate to be with him again.

Yeah I'll admit it - I was too attached.

But I loved it.

Finally, three O'clock rolled around and I made my way to the car lot eagerly - I had stupidly left my cell phone in my truck earlier, and wanted to check if Edward had been in contact again.

I planned to call him to see if he was okay, and maybe go around the house if welcome. I could always help them if they were still working after all. I just wanted to see him today if possible - I already had important plans for tomorrow morning, and I didn't want to wait a whole 24 hours more to see him.

I practically ran to my truck, but froze in my steps when I saw someone already waiting there. I could recognize that frizzy brown hair from anywhere.

Jessica.

Ever since Monday she'd mostly left me alone - apart from a few nasty looks and bitchy comments she'd thankfully stayed away. But her silence also confirmed that our friendship was now non-existent… as was mine and Angela's for some reason. It stung a lot and I had no idea what I'd done to deserve this treatment, but that's the way life goes I guess.

At least I've got Edward and Alice now.

Jessica was getting impatient with my slow approach by this point.

"Swan!" she barked, "get here, I want to talk to you."

I rolled my eyes at her behaviour but obliged… the sooner I got this over with, the sooner I could talk to Edward.

"What is it, Jess?" I asked, when I finally made it over.

"I just wanted a chance to finish our chat from Monday - now that you're not attached to Edward that is," she sneered.

"What's the point?" I sighed, "I'm getting out of here."

On that note, I tried to pass her to get to my truck but she grabbed hold of my elbow tightly, stopping me.

"Let me go," I snapped, pushing her off me.

That didn't deter her though, "Does he know yet?" she asked.

"Does who know what?" I asked, annoyed.

"Don't play dumb Bella. Does Edward know?" she rolled her eyes.

"About what?" I continued acting oblivious.

"That you're dying," she smiled.

"No… he doesn't," I admitted, a little surprised that would ask that so bluntly. I mean, I knew that she didn't like me at the moment, but I didn't think she'd bring my cancer into this so easily.

"Why not?" she asked, the smug smile still in place.

"I just… I haven't found the right time to tell him yet," I shrugged, trying to play it cool, even though my heart was racing.

"Oh… but that's a bit unfair now isn't it?" she frowned, the smile on her face growing.

"Unfair? Don't even talk to me about unfair," I snapped.

"Feeling sorry for yourself are ya? Make's a change," she muttered sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes, "Whatever, I don't have to listen to this," I sighed, trying to push her out of the way. Normally, I would manage this, but I was feeling tired and weak today, while she seemed determined to stand her ground, so I couldn't budge her.

"Wouldn't it be a shame if Edward found out from someone else?" she murmured, "I mean just imagine having to hear such terrible news from another person. How hurt would he be knowing you had kept something so big to yourself?"

"You wouldn't," I gasped, "seriously, Jess, you wouldn't do that to me."

"Wouldn't I?" she raised an eyebrow.

"No, you wouldn't," I replied, "I told you in confidence, because I thought you were my friend… we've known each other for so long, why are you acting like this?" I asked her desperately.

Upon hearing my words, for once split second I noticed something in her expression change, it was just a flicker but I swear I saw a flash of remorse in her eyes. However, that was soon gone and replaced by the horrible expression she was wearing… the expression she had worn all week.

"Yeah, well, things change," she muttered, "You chose your path, going with Edward even though you knew I liked him, and I've chosen mine. I've got better friends now, people that I'll have for life."

I knew she was insinuating, and it really stung that she would go so low to bring my mortality into all of this and use it against me. How dare she… it was unbelievably cruel.

But despite the comments I was determined to not rise to her level, that is, until she said her next comment…

"Come to think of it… this time next year, Edward will be a free man too." she smiled, "When you're gone that is - when you're nothing but ashes, rotting away in the ground. Why am I even getting annoyed over this? I'll soon be able to have him to myself, when you're nothing but a distant memory in his mind. When he has me he'll soon forget about you."

Upon hearing what she was saying… I lost it. I raised my hand and slapped her so hard across the face that the sound echoed and her she stumbled from the impact before righting herself. She gasped and clutched her already red cheek, her eyes wide with shock. I stood my ground though, not regretting my actions at all - I would hit her a million times over if I had to.

"I can't believe you just did that," she snarled.

I just shrugged, not wanting to admit I agreed with her comment… I couldn't believe I had slapped her either. I was proud of myself.

"I've changed my mind… I won't tell Edward about the cancer," she told me, "I'm telling everyone. By Monday, the whole school will know!"

She turned and stormed away then, not looking back once, not letting me have the chance to beg her not too. I guess it was for the best though… I wasn't sure if I could even form words at the moment, I was stunned speechless.

And I was terrified… the reality was sinking in. Soon, everyone would know that I was _'the poor dying girl,' _and they wouldn't treat me normally like how I so desperately wanted.

Wasn't it enough that my life was ending soon? That I was never going to be able to complete all the life experiences that everyone else takes for granted?

All I wanted was a normal high school experience and to be able to graduate… but I knew from now on all I would get was people whispering behind my back, and sympathy from people who didn't know me… not really.

And I didn't want that.

My vision was clouding over quickly, so I frantically searched for my keys through my bag. Through my tears I caught sight of Angela watching from across the car lot, her expression unreadable.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

When I eventually got into my truck, to my surprise my phone was already ringing. I took several deep breaths, trying to calm myself before I answered it.

But it didn't work.

It was Edward on the phone, and as soon as he heard the detached tone in my voice he was instantly demanding to know what was wrong. I lied and told him I was fine, but that I wanted to be alone today. I knew there was no way I could face the entire family and pretend I was alright, so I knew that it really was best that I stayed away.

The rest of my day was then spent alone in my room, thinking things through. I cried several times, and was crying when I eventually fell into a heavy sleep.

My dreams were upsetting - with me standing at the edge of a cliff determined to jump. It was dark, with a storm overhead but I was convinced that it would be a good idea to jump into the black water. However, Edward was there, and he was begging me not to jump… and to stay with him, but I leapt off the edge anyway… the dream ended with me hitting the cold water as hard as if I was driving into a wall.

I awoke then with a start, noticing that it was still dark outside, but that my window was now open, causing the cold wind to blow against the curtains and the frame to tap against the tree outside.

I didn't bother to get up and close it, and instead lay there the rest of the night trying to decide what the hell I was going to do.

But in reality… I knew the decision had been taken from me.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

_Saturday Morning._

During my English lessons back in the tenth grade, we'd once learned something in passing which had really interested me. The Kubler-Ross model, which was the five stages of grief - which you would experience when ever you suffered a terrible loss or been diagnosed with a terminal disease.

The five stages went like this…

Denial.

Anger.

Bargaining.

Depression.

_Acceptance._

Back then I didn't have a terminal disease… I was sick yes, but I wasn't dying, so I didn't really over take in what was being said. Those were the days when I truly believed that I was going to get better.

I believed that there was no way I could fight so much, only for nothing to come out of it, so there was no need to ever consider these five stages.

_How wrong I was. _

However, I was now able to look at these things differently, and examine each of the stages one by one - and I could see how true they really were.

When I first found out I instantly thought, _'this can't be happening, it can't be true.'_

That was the denial part.

I'd also been very angry, but I'd managed to hold it in until yesterday… until Jessica caused me to have one moment of pure anger released, because I was so mad at the situation… and her.

That was the anger part.

I had also thought to myself many times, 'what if I eaten more healthily? Taken better care of myself back when I was twelve years old so that I never even got sick in the first place?'

That I suppose was the bargaining part.

I'd also, understandably been very upset by the news, and devastated at the thought of dying at the age of eighteen. I didn't think it was fair, and had shed many, many tears over it, and had many nightmares and sleepless nights, trying to justify it.

That was definitely the depression part… which I was still feeling now, and I knew I would feel for a long time.

But the last stage… now that was one emotion that I didn't know if I would ever reach. It would take a lot for me to accept something like this… I was getting closer… and occasionally I would have thoughts that signalled that I was okay with this. But those thoughts would always be replaced with more depressed ones, when something came along and reminded me that this was _not_ a situation I should be accepting.

I had been in this doctors office so many times that I could almost call it a second home by now. I knew that this appointment wouldn't be my last, but that my last time here - in this hospital - was drawing closer.

I dreaded the day I came in here and never got to go home… more then anything.

I'd been in this morning for more tests to see how much more the cancer had spread in the last two months, to give me a more accurate estimate on the time I had left.

And of course, just like how my bad luck goes… it had spread quite a lot.

Dr. Snow prescribed me a lot of pain killers and warned me that I was going to begin feeling very sick soon and that my healthy days were pretty much over. He also regretfully told me that I would now be lucky to make it to graduation, and that chemotherapy would definitely be the best option now to ensure that I made it that long.

But I said no once again.

Whatever happened, happened. If it was my destiny to never make it to graduation, then I would never graduate, simple as.

My determination however didn't stop me from breaking down into the tears the second I was alone again… wondering just how much more hurt I could take before I just gave up.

I knew the answer… and it was not much more.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

_Saturday Afternoon._

_(Present time)_

"Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars." ~Violeta Parra

It was all those things - Jessica threatening to tell the whole school the truth, and me finding out that I wouldn't be able to hide I was sick anymore - that had lead me to this moment.

Just as I was beginning to wonder if the winding roads would ever end the beautiful white mansion came into view and to my surprise, Edward was already waiting out the front, almost as if he knew I was coming. I pulled the truck to a shop, and quickly wiped away the last of the tears before getting out and walking to him.

He didn't move towards me, but waited for me to reach him. The expression on his face was so tender, that it almost caused me to turn and run away so I wouldn't have to tell him… so I wouldn't have to ruin this.

Suddenly I was running towards him, desperate to close the gap before I ran away. His arms were open and waiting and wrapped around me as soon as I crashed into his chest. I held on to him tightly, taking deep breaths, trying to memorise his scent… the way his arms felt around me… everything about him.

Before it was too late.

He kissed my forehead before burying his face in my hair, also taking in deep breaths - something he always did when we were together. I smiled as I felt him gently nuzzle my ear with his nose.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," I whispered back.

"Why didn't you call to tell me you were coming?" he asked softly.

"I wanted it to be a surprise," I replied shakily, "is that okay?"

"It's more then okay," he murmured, kissing my forehead again, "I missed you yesterday."

"Me too," I replied, before pulling back slightly so I could see his face, "what's wrong? You look so sad." I asked, concerned by the upset expression on his face.

"I'm fine, just worried about you. You look so tired," he replied, reaching his hand up to trace the dark circles under my eyes.

I didn't believe him though… he was lying, I could tell. Something was going on here, but for some reason he didn't want to tell me.

"I'm okay," I eventually replied, "is it… is it okay if we go for a walk?"

He swallowed heavily, his eyes becoming even more sad, "yes, its okay."

I pulled away from him loosening our contact so that I was just holding his hand. I so desperately wanted to kiss him but knew that it wouldn't be a good idea right now… I knew that if I did that there was no way I'd be able to follow through with this.

We walked across his large lawn and into the forest, not saying anything but keeping a tight hold on each others hand. For some reason, I almost got the sense that Edward knew something was about to happen… he was very quiet, and his expression just screamed heartbreak to me. Not to mention that he had my hand held very tightly in his, his thumb occasionally brushing the back of my hand, almost as if he needed reassurance that I wasn't going anywhere.

Which I wasn't… not yet anyway.

We eventually came to a large clearing, which would normally make me stop and admire its beauty, but today was different… it was the last thing on my mind.

We sat down in the long grass facing each other, our hands still intertwined.

I smiled at him trying to break the tension, but didn't receive one in return… it looked like it was impossible for him to smile at the moment.

We both began speaking at the same time and then laughed a little, I motioned for him to go first, desperate to hear him speak.

"I just want to know, was yesterday okay? You seemed sad when you were on the phone," he asked me softly.

"Erm, no, it wasn't really," I told him honestly.

"What happened?" he asked concerned.

"I had another argument with Jessica," I replied.

"What did she say this time?" he asked.

"Just that… well, she threatened me," I told him.

"What?" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, she threatened that she would tell the school about… something," I told him quietly.

He sighed, almost as if he was annoyed at me for becoming vague again. He turned so he was looking into my eyes, "What's going on, Bella?" he frowned.

I let out a long breath, and turned so I was looked at the trees instead of him, knowing I wouldn't be able to speak otherwise, "I have something I need to tell you."

There was a long pause, with only the rustling on the leaves making any sort of sound at all. It was a long time before he spoke, and when he did it the last thing I was expecting…

"You're going to leave me aren't you?" he asked quietly.

_What? _Where did he come to that conclusion? Didn't he know that he meant everything to me?

If anything it was going to be him that left me, once he found out the truth that is…

I tried to explain that to him, "No, Edward, I…"

But he cut me off by raising his hand, "There's no point in denying it, Bella. I can see it written all over your face, but can I just tell you something first?" he asked me softly.

I knew I had to tell him the truth as soon as I could - before it became too difficult. But his expression was so beautiful and was pleading with me to let him speak.

How could I ever deny him?

"Anything," I whispered.

"You mean so much to me. More then you could ever comprehend," he told me softly, cupping my face in his hands, "What I mean to say is, I'm in love with you, Bella."

"You… love me?" I whispered, stunned.

"More then anything," he smiled, "I know we haven't known each other that long, but I can't hide the way I feel… you're the love of my life, I just know it."

My heart was racing, and I was overjoyed at this, truly not expecting it. For one moment I was the luckiest girl in the world… because I was loved by someone so beautiful and wonderful in every way.

And all I wanted to do was throw my arms around him and tell him that I felt exactly the same, that I loved him more then anything. And I would… if I still had the opportunity too once I'd told him about the cancer.

"But… you can't," I whispered sadly, "I'm not good for you."

"What do you mean? Of course you are… you're amazing," he told me gently.

I shook my head, tears filling my vision again, "No, I'm a liar."

"A what?" he asked.

"A liar," I repeated, "Edward, I've been lying to you."

"I see," he replied, suddenly becoming detached. He dropped his hands and leant away slightly, his expression hurt, "you mean you never cared. You were just lying when you said you did."

"No!" I shouted, "No, I've _never_ lied about that. Edward, you mean the world to me, literally everything… but there's something I've been hiding from you, from everyone."

"What is it?" he asked.

The tears finally spilled over and rolled down my cheeks, "I… I've got…"

"Bella?" he asked, concerned now.

I took a deep breath, noticing it was incredibly shaky, and just said it - "I've got cancer… leukaemia."

Once again it was quiet for a while, the depth of my words ringing in the air. I watched Edward's face through my blurry vision watching multiple expressions come and pass on his face. But there was one that stuck and remained there…

Horror, pure horror.

"Cancer? I… I don't understand. You're perfect, you're healthy…" he whispered shakily.

"No, I'm not, I'm sick," I told him sadly, grasping onto his hands tightly, "Edward, there's something else too."

He was looking at the ground, but turned his face so he could see me. His golden eyes were misted over, as if he was about to cry. "I'm scared," he breathed.

He knew… he knew what I was about to say, I could see it all over his face. But I had to say the words out loud, just to confirm the heartbreaking truth to him.

And so, I took a deep breath and whispered, "I'm dying, Edward, my cancer is terminal… I've got less then a year to live."

* * *

_**Next chapter preview (subject to change)**_

_**(Edward)**_

_I turned back to the main room, hell bent on destroying everything in my path._

_And then… my piano caught my eye._

_"No, Edward!" Alice screamed, seeing what I was about to do._

_But I charged towards it undeterred… my piano meant a lot to me, but it didn't mean as much as Bella did. I would gladly smash it to pieces and burn it to ashes… if only it could mean that Bella never felt any pain._

_Which was exactly what I was about to do._

_But in this case I wasn't doing it for Bella… I was doing it for me. If using anger was the only way to numb this pain, then I had to._

_I would do anything to get rid of this gut wrenching agony._

_And with that thought, I raised my fist…_

* * *

Sorry for this huge cliffhanger, but I was desperate to have Edward's POV for his reaction. I did consider having both POV's in this chapter, but Edward has a lot to say and this chapter was getting incredibly long without his thoughts. I promise it will be worth the wait though.

So, I know the story is very sad at the moment, but there are some happy times ahead I promise! We've just got a couple of angsty chapters to go first… but please stick with it. A story about cancer wouldn't be realistic if it was all happy.

Anyway, I really hope you're all still here and that you liked this chapter. Please review!

Thanks for reading!


	12. This ain't goodbye

A/N- Hi again :) just want to say how overwhelmed I was at the response to the last chapter. I got double the amount of reviews compared to normal, so just want to say thank you so much for that! It really did make me smile to read each and every one, its all of your comments that keep me going when it comes to this story!

So yeah, being that this is in Edward's POV This of course is a sad chapter - there's nothing happy about this. I know that quite a lot of you have been anticipating Edward's reaction to Bella's cancer for a while now, I have tried my best here, and I just really hope that I've done it justice.

So it was 29 reviews for the last chapter, can we match that? I would love to get this over 200! Please do let me know what you think, even if its just a couple of words.

I really hope you like this...

* * *

"_You and I were friends from outer space,  
__Afraid to let go.  
__The only two who understood this place,  
__And as far as we know,  
__We were way before our time,  
__As bold as we were blind.  
__Just another perfect mistake,  
__Another bridge to take,  
__On the way to letting go. _

_This ain't goodbye,  
__This is just where love goes,  
__When words aren't warm enough to keep away the cold, oh no,  
__This ain't goodbye,  
__It's not where our story ends.  
__But I know you can't be mine, not the way you've always been ,  
__As long as we've got time.  
__Then this ain't goodbye,  
__Oh no, this ain't goodbye."  
__~ This ain't goodbye, Train.  
__+ Eleanors lullaby (instrumental), Sounds from the lighthouse. _

"A final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works." ~T.E. Kalem

**_To Wish Impossible Things._**

**_Chapter Twelve._**

_Edward Cullen._

_September 2006_.

"_I'm dying, Edward, my cancer is terminal… I've got less then a year to live."_

With those words, my life was shattered.

My world, my future - _dear god every hope I had for the future _- was destroyed.

The implication of what she said didn't take any time to sink in - I had known what she was going to say as she told me there was something else I needed to know.

I just knew.

The expression on her face… the feeling in the air… everything lead up to this moment, but before now I'd never even considered this possibility. To think, I'd actually been worrying that she was going to leave me! I would gladly take that instead of this, because this…

Well, there were no words to describe what I was feeling now.

Imagine accidentally falling from a cliff… you're terrified, helpless and afraid, but know you can't do anything to stop it as the menacing rocks below come closer and closer…

That was how I felt right now.

"No," I gasped, "it… it can't be true."

Bella looked down at the ground, twisting on blades of grass with her fingers. She was so delicate… so perfect. How could this be true?

I could feel myself shaking, and my eyes sting… like tears were fighting their way to the surface, but of course unable to fall.

I looked back at Bella - my beautiful girl - and found myself close to breaking down again. I needed something from her… something that could maybe tell me that this wasn't true, that I was just imagining this.

Please god, _please _don't let this be real.

"Please tell me it isn't true," I whispered shakily, cupping her face gently in my hands, "I'm _begging_ you, Bella. Please, sweetheart just look into my eyes and tell me you were lying before, and that you're not dying."

She lifted her tear filled gaze up to meet mine, "I can't," she breathed.

Her tears were falling steadily down her cheeks and onto my palms which still rested on her skin. At that moment I so badly wished I could cry too… I needed someway to let this pain out.

I leant forward and rested my forehead against hers, letting her breath wash over my face, "how long did you say?" I asked her softly.

I knew my question didn't really make sense - my mind wasn't in the right place. But somehow, she understood what I meant - "erm, my doctor said maybe around June… he… he thinks I'll be lucky to make it to graduation."

_June._

_Just nine months away._

I let my forehead drop to her shoulder unable to support my head anymore, and let out a sound which was somewhere between a sob and a scream. I continued repeating it, finding that as I carried on the noise got louder, so loud that it echoed off the trees and probably for miles.

But it didn't frighten Bella though - instead she began running her hands through my hair, in a soothing motion.

That was how selfless she was… she was the one who was dying here, who had to cope with this horrible disease and the knowledge that she was never going to experience life, yet _she_ was comforting _me_.

How could I lose her?

She was my whole world… she was the one I'd been waiting for, for so long.

_I can't live without her… I just can't. _

"I can't lose you," I sobbed against her shoulder, "I've just found you."

"I know, I'm sorry," she murmured soothingly.

"Don't apologise, its _not_ your fault," I whispered.

She nodded but didn't say anything else.

I eventually managed to lift my head from my shoulder, and returned to my earlier position of cupping her face in my hands. Suddenly, determination took over me, and I found myself talking without really thinking.

"It will be okay, I'll take you back to my house and have Carlisle take a look at you, he specialises in this type of disease…"

But she was already shaking her head, mumbling '_no, Edward' _over and over, but I still continued talking, unable to stop.

"Okay, I'll take you to the best doctor in the world then. I'll pay anything, I'll give all my money up to fly you across the world to him if that's what's needed. I swear, Bella, I _will_ help you."

She was still shaking her head, her tears showing no signs of slowing,

"It's no use Edward, it's too late," she whispered.

"No! Don't say that, it can't be too late, I refuse to believe that. I know, we'll go tonight to this doctor, we'll leave right now! Please, Bella, let me help you. Let me do _something _to help you," I begged her, stroking her skin with my fingertips.

"You want to help me? Just be there for me, treat me the way you did before," she murmured sadly.

_And act like nothings wrong? That's impossible…_

"I don't know if I can," I admitted.

"Oh… I see," she whispered.

As I tried to figure out what to say next I took a couple of deep breaths, feeling dismayed when I smelt nothing… it was like I had gone numb. Like this wasn't real, and I wasn't really here.

Once again I so desperately wished that this was somehow a dream, so I could wake up now and we could be the way we were.

But then I thought back… and I couldn't help but wonder how I hadn't figured this out before…

That first day back in Biology, she'd felt faint… _it was because she was sick._

The day in the car lot, when she argued with Jessica and then collapsed… _it was because she was sick._

All those times she'd felt tired or nauseous… _it was because she was sick. _

Surely she must have known for a while then? A month or so? Maybe she'd found out just before I met her…

"When did you find out about this?" I asked her.

"July," she replied.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I asked, turning to look back at her.

"Because I wanted to be normal for a change… I wanted you to get to know the real me, without all of this," she told me softly.

"I understand," I replied, nodding.

"I'm sorry though, I never meant for you to fall in love with me," she whispered.

"Me falling in love with you was inevitable, I don't think you could have stopped me if you tried," I replied, as I gently brushed a tear from her cheek, "don't you see Bella? You and me… its destiny. I can't let this take you away from me."

"You can't stop, Edward. This cancer, me dying young… this _is_ my destiny," she insisted.

"I refuse to believe that," I disagreed, "because if you die… if you leave me, I'll have nothing. I'll be nothing without you."

I knew my thoughts were selfish - it was Bella who deserved all of the sympathy here - but I couldn't help but think of the implications this would have of my life. The life I had lived alone for so long, and would soon live alone again… but this time, for the rest of eternity.

While I grieved for my long lost love… my Bella.

"You'll move on, you'll find someone else to love," she whispered.

"No, I won't," I shook my head.

She sighed, smiling slightly at me as she reached up to brush her hand through my hair, "You say that now, but a couple of years down the line when you're at college and I'm just a distant memory… you will want to love someone, you won't want to be alone anymore," she told me gently.

"I'll only ever love you," I insisted, knowing it was the complete truth. "I'll love you until the day I die."

"Me too," she smiled sadly, grabbing hold of my hands.

I leant down to kiss the back of her hand, and let out a small sob as I considered that soon enough I wouldn't be able to do this - she would be gone.

I let out another sob, "I just… I just can't believe it. How can you be dying? You're so perfect…"

"Not for much longer, Dr. Snow just confirmed that my healthy days are pretty much over," she whispered.

"It will be okay, I'll look after you," I promised her.

But she just shook her head, "I don't want to be a burden."

"You won't be… I love you, Bella, you will never be a burden to me,"

"I know that, but I just can't help but feel like I will be. Edward, there's a whole world out there, I don't want you to think that you can't live because you have to take care of your dying girlfriend," she murmured.

"Don't say things like that," I growled, "you are my world."

"But, Edward…"

"Just shut up!" I snapped, pulling my hands out of hers and standing out, "I don't want to hear things like this… Bella, you've just told me you're dying, which I haven't yet absorbed and now you're talking about me finding someone else and enjoying my life?"

By this point I was pacing, pulling at my hair harshly, "Do you not understand what you mean to me? Have I not shown it to you or not said it enough yet? Bella, if you realised all of this, there would be no possibility of you suggesting me loving another! It's just not possible."

I turned back to face her, and softened my voice, "You are the love of my life… and I'm devastated that I'm going to lose you soon. I honestly don't know how I'm going to live without you."

By this point I was sobbing, tearless gut wrenching sobs. I collapsed so I was on my knees, as they continued, growing louder and louder. Bella moved over to me then and wrapped her arms around me tightly as she cried with me. I waited several moments before wrapping my arms around her too, needing someone to hold onto.

She kept whispering she was sorry, and all I wanted to do was tell her to stop saying that but I couldn't find the words. Instead, I just continued to cry and hold her tightly, afraid of letting go of her.

We stayed in that position for a long time, until the sun was setting and the sky was darkening. We hadn't spoken for a long time, but were instead in a calm state, just clinging on to each other.

I knew we were running out of time though…

"I've got to go, Charlie will be home soon, I don't want to worry him," Bella whispered softly, the first one to break the silence in a while.

"Oh, okay," I sighed.

She pulled out of my arms and stood to her feet, "Do you want to come with me?" she asked.

I thought about it, but then decided not too, both of us needed a little time by ourselves. "No… I just need a little time alone, I'll come and see you later though," I replied quietly.

She seemed surprised by my answer, but tried to hide it, "Oh right… okay. Goodbye then," she murmured, turning to walk away.

Why did I get the feeling that the goodbye wasn't just for a couple of hours?

The way she said it made it sound so final… like she was saying goodbye forever.

"Wait!" I called, getting up to my feet. I quickly walked over to her and pulled her into my arms once more, kissing her forehead and then her cheek, before trailing my lips to the hollow of her ear and kissing her there, because I knew it was one of her favourite places to be kissed. I wanted to kiss her on the lips, but didn't know if now was an appropriate time, so didn't make a move too.

So I just settled with burying my face into her hair, squeezing her tighter to me. "This isn't goodbye Bella, I'll be there for you I promise," I whispered into her ear.

She finally raised her arms and fisted my shirt in her hands as she cried quietly, I gently shushed her and hummed a melody to her that sounded like a lullaby. I hoped that it was helping soothe her, because now that I wasn't sobbing myself, I realised how much I truly hated seeing her cry.

I was shocked, devastated and terrified at the implications of what she'd told me today… but I vowed to myself to always be strong for her. I would take care of her, and I would always be there for her until the end.

… No matter what.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

It was hours later when I finally made it back to the house, and to my surprise no one was downstairs. I could hear Alice and Jasper upstairs talking about some sort of trip they were planning, but tuned their voices out.

Instead, I just walked through the house, alone. I stumbled along the way, pulled at my hair, and came close to screaming several times. Now that Bella had gone home, my sadness was turning into anger.

Anger… at the thought of the life we should have had together, the life she should have had… the life was that so unfairly being taken from her.

_From us. _

I turned towards the mantelpiece, where three framed pictures stood. Each of them contained a picture of the weddings in our family… Alice and Jaspers, Emmett's and Rosalie's, and Carlisle's and Esme's. They all looked so happy… but why wouldn't they be?

They had everything they would ever need… each other.

The moment I met Bella I thought back to these pictures, imagining a photo from our wedding up there sitting proudly alongside the others. Only now that wasn't going to happen was it? We would never get to be together for years… we probably wouldn't even make it to a year together.

My family had all they ever needed, but the only thing that I would ever need… the one person I loved more then the entire world… was going to be taken away from me, possibly in less then nine months.

Suddenly my arm swept out and knocked all of the pictures off the shelf, sending them crashing into the wall. The glass from the frames shattered, leaving it all imbedded in the carpet.

I sighed, immediately feeling horror for what I had done… but at the same time, I remembered how good it felt in that moment, to just let my anger at everything come out.

Alice and Jasper made their way downstairs, having heard the noise and gasped as they saw me hunched over, anger burning in my eyes.

Suddenly, I knew what I wanted to do… I wanted to let all of my anger and hurt out the only way I knew how.

At this point, I was walking towards the kitchen, but I turned back towards the main room, hell bent on destroying everything in my path.

And then… my piano caught my eye.

"No, Edward!" Alice screamed, seeing what I was about to do.

But I charged towards it undeterred… my piano meant a lot to me, but it didn't mean as much as Bella did. I would gladly smash it to pieces and burn it to ashes… if only it could mean that Bella never felt any pain.

Which was exactly what I was about to do.

But in this case I wasn't doing it for Bella… I was doing it for me. If using anger was the only way to numb this pain, then I had to.

I would do anything to get rid of this gut wrenching _agony_.

And with that thought, I raised my fist and smashed it into the piano over and over again. I smiled as I watched the wood splinter and then crack, falling to pieces. I then lifted the piano and flung it so it landed up side down, making a loud crashing sound as it broke into pieces.

Alice and Jasper stood there watching me, horror on both their faces, but neither of them attempted to stop me, knowing that there was a reason for this.

I had never acted like this before… and right now, I never wanted to stop.

I picked up the piano stool, raised it over my head and threw it at the window with such force, that the glass completely shattered. I continued to go around the room, throwing and destroying anything that got in my way.

I had just thrown our TV at the wall, when I heard several horrified gasps. I turned around to see my entire family standing in the doorway, all watching me with shocked expressions.

Esme was the first to step forward, her expression more concerned then anyone else - "oh, Edward, what happened?" she whispered.

I just stood there, still breathing heavily as I desperately tried to calm myself down.

"Is it Bella?" she asked me, as she took another step forward in my direction.

I nodded, unable to do anything else, and an instant Esme crossed the room and was holding me in her arms as I crumbled to the floor.

As Esme was calmly asking me what had happened I overheard the others whispering not so subtly, I ignored their comments finding that most of them were just concern for me.

But then one persons comment stood out for me, "should have known this was going to happen. That little bitch has left him," they snarled.

_Rosalie. _

In a second I was up, out of Esme's arms and was across the room, slamming Rosalie into the wall as I let out a ferocious growl that even had Emmett scared.

"Don't you dare call her that," I yelled at her, as I tightened my grip on her neck, "she hasn't left me, you've got it all wrong!"

"Well what has happened then?" she asked calmly, raising an eyebrow.

Emmett came over and pulled me off of her then, and I went willingly, knowing I would only end up hurting her if she dared say anything else.

I looked up at everyone to see them all watching me, and then turned back to Rosalie wanting to see how she reacted to this.

"She's… she's got cancer," I told her, "she came to tell me today."

Gasps echoed around the room at my words, but I held up my hand to stop them. I was shaking by this point, knowing that I desperately didn't want to say these words out loud - because it would make it all real - but also knowing that I had too.

"She's got leukaemia… she's got less then a year to live," I whispered.

"She's dying?" Rosalie gasped.

I nodded, "yes, she is."

Her expression turned extremely sympathetic then, "oh, Edward, if I would have known…"

"Save it, Rose," I cut her off, "save your apology for Bella herself."

I turned my back on her then, and stood and faced the rest of my family, who all looked devastated too, especially Alice and Esme.

I talked for a while with Emmett and Jasper, and then Carlisle who asked how much I knew about it - which wasn't really that much at all - and whether he wanted me to take a look at her records when he transferred to Fork's hospital next week.

I told him yes, but to not tell Bella about it.

Eventually it was just me, Alice and Esme in the room. We sat down on the destroyed sofa, and as they held me I spent quite a long time talking to them. Alice apologised for not seeing anything before that would have warned me about this. But I told her it wasn't her fault. She then let me know that more visions were beginning to appear now, but I let her know that I wasn't interested in seeing them - they would probably involve a sick Bella, which I wasn't ready to see yet.

I then apologised to Esme for the mess I'd made in the room, but she told me it was fine… she understood why I did it. I then opened up to both of them, telling them what had happened with me and Bella earlier, and just how devastated I was by this. I told them that I wasn't planning on living anymore when Bella died - and that I would go to the Volturi - which resulted in them being angry with me for a while.

But eventually we all calmed down… I calmed down.

And I wanted my Bella.

The sadness I was feeling was crushing, and the anger at all of this was overwhelming, and I knew for certain that it would take a long time for all of this to sink in - hell, it would probably never sink in.

But I also knew that I could spend hours, days or even weeks wallowing in my misery, or I could spend the time in the only place I truly wanted to be.

With Bella… while I still could.

I looked at the time, noticing it was just approaching ten, and made up my mind… I was going to her now. I just hoped she was still awake and that she wanted to see me.

I told Alice and Esme where I was going and set off on foot, walking across the lawn and towards the dark forest where my world had shattered earlier today. I closed my eyes and began running, trying to block it all out.

Soon, I would be with Bella, and it would all be okay.

However, as I ran I could still hear the thoughts of my family, which were a lot more subdued then normal, as they too were upset by this news.

But then to my surprise, I heard Alice's thoughts loud and clear, as they were directed at me…

'_This doesn't have to the end for you and Bella, you know that right? There's one way you can save her… __change her.' _

_

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**_Next chapter preview (subject to change):_**

**_(Bella)_**

_"Bella, what's this?" Edward asked softly._

_I sat up in my bed to see what he was looking at, and my eyes widened when I noticed he was looking at my list which was pinned up on the wall. It was my list I'd written back in July, with everything I wanted to achieve before I died on it._

_I felt a blush forming over my face, embarrassed at him seeing it. What would he think? Would he think it was a stupid idea?_

_"You're blushing," he murmured, almost in awe, "okay, now I really have to know what this is about!"_

_

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Poor Edward huh? This chapter was so hard to write, at least its done now though, so we can carry on with the rest of it now that he finally knows :)

So what do you all think? Was it good? Bad? I would love some feedback, so please review!

Thanks for reading!


	13. I shall believe

A/N- Hi there :) thanks again for the lovely reviews! They really are appreciated. I didnt have time to reply to everyone individually, but with this chapter I will be replying as soon as I get them, so if you have anything to ask, just go ahead!

I've now got a Twitter where I'll be posting all sorts of things to do with this such as pictures, longer teasers etc. Find me under the username - **Janey90 **and let me know that you're from here and I'll follow you back :) seriously do just come and say hi, I would love to hear from some of you!

So yeah, here's chapter thirteen and we're back to Bella. Please let me know what you think with a review! Even if its just a short one!

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"_Open the door, and show me your face tonight,  
__I know it's true, no one heals me like you.  
__And you hold the key…  
__Never again would I turn away from you.  
__I'm so heavy tonight, but your love is alright,  
__And I do believe. _

_That not everything is gonna be the way,  
__You think it ought to be.  
__It seems like every time I try to make it right,  
__It all comes down on me,  
__Please say honestly, you won't give up on me,  
__And I shall believe.  
__I shall believe,  
__And I shall believe."  
_~ I shall believe, Sheryl Crow.  
+ I'll never leave you (instrumental), Dying young.

_**To Wish Impossible Things.**_

_**Chapter Thirteen.**_

_Isabella Swan._

_September 2006._

I curled up on my side, fed up with the lack of sleep I was getting. I must have been here for well over an hour by now, and I hadn't even come close to drifting off… there was too much going on in my head right now. I fisted my sheets in my hand as I bit my lip desperately trying to fight off the tears that were fighting the way to the surface yet again.

To say that today had been a difficult day would be an extreme understatement - I would probably describe it as one of the most harrowing, upsetting days of my life. When I decided to tell Edward the truth, I expected a strong reaction of course, possibly with a little upset and then a little anger at me for not telling him before.

But what I didn't expect… was the reaction I got.

It literally broke him - and left him truly horrified and devastated. His reaction was stronger then my own when I found out my fate, and the reason for it was simple…

He loved me.

He told me how he felt before I delivered the awful news, and even though I didn't necessarily believe him at first, his reaction to my news proved that it was truth…

Edward loved me.

Just like how I loved him.

And suddenly, dying wasn't what I was scared of… it was leaving Edward behind that was my main fear. I knew for certain if the situations were reversed that there would be no way I could cope with losing Edward, so I really did feel bad for him.

Because when I eventually died, that would be it for me. But Edward… he would live on with the pain and memories, and even if he did move on, he would always have them - _have me _- in the back of his mind, until the day that he followed me.

I knew if the situation was reversed, that there would be no way I could deal with Edward dying. I don't think I could live on, knowing in the back of my mind just what I had lost… who I had lost.

Not to mention, I wouldn't have a clue how to act around him while he was sick…

In one way I was relieved that he finally knew the truth, so I wouldn't feel guilty for hiding it from him. But at the same time I really worried about our future… now that he knew about my cancer would he treat me different? He said he would be there for me, and I knew that he meant those words, but what was going to happen when I deteriorated and got really sick? Would he be able to stay with me when I have to go into hospital, and I'm barely even able to talk to him anymore?

Would he be able to cope with watching me fade away? When he be able to see me at my worst and in a lot of pain? Will he able to sit to sit to one side and accept that there was nothing he could do to help me?

I doubted it very much.

He was young and wonderful and deserved the world… so I didn't want him to be held back by me. Yes, he was in love, but maybe those feelings would fade over time. So maybe if I separated myself from him now, it would give him the opportunity to enjoy his senior year and to look forward to college.

He could get out guilt free, and could move on. Simple right?

But there was one problem… the thought of not being with him and possibly having to see him with someone else caused horrible pain through me, far worse then anything I'd ever experienced.

It was incredibly selfish of me… but I needed him. Now that I'd experienced love, I didn't know how I'd ever coped without it… without having someone like Edward in my life. If he were to be taken from me now, I know for certain that I wouldn't be able to cope.

So here was my dilemma… I loved him and so, so desperately wanted to be with him, but at the same time I didn't want to hold him back and wanted him to have the life he deserved to have.

And so, I didn't know what to do. Follow what my head was telling me and walk away from us? Or follow my heart and fight to be with him no matter what?

I turned over in my bed so I was facing the window. It was dark outside now, and had been for hours. I had lost track of what the time was, but at a guess I would say it was close to midnight. I could hear some noises outside, such as the wind, and the branches of tree outside hitting my window. They were noises that would normally irritate me, but tonight I welcomed them.

It made me feel less alone.

By this point I had given up on Edward coming to see me, he had said he was going too, but I never really took his word seriously. He probably wanted some time alone or some time with his family to process what he had found out. I would call him tomorrow and see what the situation was… if he wanted to see me then I would see him and talk to him about everything. It would help me make my final decision on what I was going to do.

I finally closed my eyes and decided to clear my mind as best I could so I could finally get to sleep. Going to sleep would mean that tomorrow would come around quicker - so I could call Edward.

I turned so my back was facing the window and curled up on side, closing my eyes tightly to make sure no more tears fell.

However, I'd only been lying there for a minute or two when a noise from outside made me jump. I sat up in my bed looking towards the window just in time to see Edward climbing through.

"You're here," I gasped, completely stunned.

He jumped from the windowsill landing silently on my carpet, not even out of breath at all despite just climbing up the side of my house… or the tree.

"I'm here," he murmured, turning to face me, "I told you I would be."

"I know… I'm just a little surprised I guess," I admitted, "but happy though, I wanted to see you."

He smiled at my words, and moved so he was sitting the edge of my bed, "Me too, I couldn't wait until tomorrow."

He reached out for me, and I leant towards him, sighing when his hand found my cheek. He gently ran his fingertips across my skin as he leant his forehead against mine, closing his eyes as he did so.

"Are you alright?" I asked him softly.

"Yes, I'm fine," he replied, "are you? Do you feel okay?"

"I feel great now," I smiled, "I actually wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" he asked, pulling away slightly to look into my eyes, his hand still remaining on my cheek.

"About us… and what's going to happen to you and me now," I told him.

"Why do we need to talk about that? I already told you I'll be there for you," he replied.

I nodded, "Yes, I know that, but… I just…"

"I know what you're going to say and please don't," he murmured, "Bella, you will never be a burden to me. I love you, remember?"

"I know, and I believe you but its easy to say that now… while I'm still healthy," I whispered.

"What?" he frowned, surprised by my statement.

I sighed, "I'm going to get a lot sicker, Edward. Soon, I'll be just a shadow of myself, maybe even bedridden… will you be able to cope seeing me like that?"

His eyes widened, "Well, it will be difficult I know, but…"

"Exactly, maybe even too difficult," I cut him off, "I will _really _need you then, and I don't think I could cope with you decided to leave me later down the line."

At my words, his eyes softened in understanding, and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. "Oh, Bella, my sweet Bella. I love you more then anything, and I promise that won't happen. Why do you think I could just walk away from you?" he whispered against my hair.

"Because its easy for people to just walk away," I murmured as I snuggled against him, "you know my mom did that right? When I got sick she didn't stay here and look after me… she ran away. She ran because she couldn't bare the thought of not having a perfect daughter," I whispered sadly, hating to think it.

"You _are_ perfect," he murmured.

"Not to her I wasn't," I replied.

"But to me, you are," he whispered, kissing my hair, "you're so brave, Bella. Not many people would cope with this the way you have, you should be so proud of yourself and not worry about her… she made her choice, and her choice was a huge mistake. She'll have the live the rest of her life knowing that she walked away from you, and the knowledge that she is a coward."

I lay there for a while, wrapped up tightly in his arms letting his words sink in, and when they did, I smiled against the fabric of his shirt.

"Thank you," I breathed.

"You're welcome," he chuckled.

I smiled, and cuddled even closer to him breathing in his sweet scent, feeling completely overwhelmed with how much I adored this man.

"I love you," I sighed. It was the first time I'd said it aloud, but I knew it was the most true thing I had ever said.

I felt him smile against the top of my head, "I love you too," he replied gently. "And I promise to you that I will never walk away… we'll be together until the end, I swear."

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

We stayed in each others arms for a while, talking about everything. He told me that he'd told his family about it all, having had no choice after causing a bit of havoc at his home which he didn't really elaborate on. I mentally made a note to ask Alice what he meant when I next saw her.

Hours passed, but I never bothered checking what the time was… it didn't matter after all, all that mattered was that the time was being spent well with Edward here.

I was currently lying on my bed as Edward had a look around my room, I had my eyes closed as I listened to his soft voice hum some soothing tune.

All of a sudden the humming came to an abrupt halt, and I opened my eyes curious to know what had made him stop.

"Bella, what's this?" he asked softly.

I sat up in my bed to see what he was looking at, and my eyes widened when I noticed he was looking at my list which was pinned up on the wall. It was my list I'd written back in July, with everything I wanted to achieve before I died on it.

I felt a blush forming over my face, embarrassed at him seeing it. What would he think? Would he think it was a stupid idea?

"You're blushing," he murmured, almost in awe, "okay, now I really have to know what this is about!"

"It's nothing, just some silly list I wrote," I replied nonchalantly.

"Oh yeah? What's it about?" he asked softly, as he made his way back over to me.

"It's a list of all the things I want to achieve… before I, you know," I murmured.

"Oh… I see," he replied, reading over the list. "How's it going so far?"

"Not as good as I hoped," I admitted, "I mean I got the tattoo and stayed up for 24 hours, and of course I tried dating which worked out great," I smiled, reaching up to run my hand through his hair.

"But I hoped to complete all of it… like for example, I want to be able to go out of the state and go to graduation. But I don't know if I can now," I told him sadly.

He nodded, seeming deep in thought for a moment, before looking up at me, a wide smile on his face. "I'll help you," he offered.

"Really?" I asked.

"Really," he grinned, "we'll complete everything on this list, and add even more things. We'll do anything you want to do."

"I would love that, thank you," I smiled.

"No need to thank me, sweetheart, I'll enjoy it. It will be fun," he replied grinning.

"It will," I agreed as I laid back against the pillows, feeling a little tired all of a sudden. Edward moved so that he was lying down facing me, so that our faces were just a couple of inches apart. He wrapped his arm around my waist holding me tightly against him, so there was no space between our bodies, and gently brushed his lips against mine.

I kissed him back for several moments, before pulling away to talk. "It means a lot to me that I can complete this list as I just want to enjoy the time I have left and make the most of it," I murmured, sighing as I felt his nose graze against my jaw, "it's like a quote I once heard. '_You don't have to live forever… you just have to live_."

"Bella, I think that quote was from _Tuck everlasting_," he chuckled.

"Yes… don't laugh! The quotes really true," I laughed, secretly surprised that he knew that.

"Yes, it is," he murmured, "so… you've never dreamed of immortality? Of the chance to live forever?"

"No, not really," I admitted.

"Why not? Doesn't everyone want immortality these days? It would mean you could be young and beautiful forever and never have to worry about dying," he murmured.

"Yeah, well that's just it isn't it? If I'm this age forever I never really get to live. I would be held back wouldn't I? I mean, its not like I could go to college or get a job because people would notice that I'm not aging. And what about when people around me die, like Charlie for example? I would rather die myself then watch anyone else go," I explained to him.

"But if you were offered it now, considering your situation, wouldn't you take it? It would give you time to see the world, meet so many people… which you won't get to do this way," he told me.

"I still wouldn't want it," I insisted.

"You're so stubborn!" he growled, pulling away from me so he was sitting on the edge of the bed again facing away from me as he pulled at his hair in frustration, "I don't understand why you wouldn't take it."

Completely infuriated with him, I climbed out of bed and stood in front of him forcing him to look at me, "I don't understand why you're asking me this! I'm never going to have to chance to live forever, no one will! Instead I've got less then a year to live and I'm trying my best to make peace with it, so will you please stop rubbing this immortality crap in my face?" I yelled at him.

At my words his face immediately softened and his hands fell from his hair as he stood up and cupped my face in his hands. He apologised telling me he was just tired after a long day and that he didn't mean to upset me. I forgave him, but couldn't help but wonder what had caused him to act that way. Why was he so insistent on me agreeing with him? Was it just re-assurance that he wanted - me telling him that I would take immortality if it meant being with him?

Or was it something else?

After that we didn't talk much more, but instead he laid back down next to me again, promising to stay with me until I fell asleep. He held me close to his chest as he pressed kisses to my forehead and temple, murmuring how much he loved me.

I tried to fight off sleep as best I could - I had too much to think about after all, not to mention I loved being able to lie in his arms like this.

I felt so protected, so safe… so loved.

My plan was going well, until he started humming a sweet lullaby to me. His voice was so soft and soothing that I found myself unwillingly drifting off. I kept fighting it until I realised that it was a battle I was going to lose and found myself falling asleep in his arms, unaware of what was going through his mind at that time.

EBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEBEB

The next morning came quickly, and at Edward's request I went and spent the day with him and his family. Surprisingly, it wasn't at all awkward, with the whole family treating me normally, just like how I wanted them too. The only thing that was different was how they all greeted me with hugs, murmuring how happy they were to see me. Even Rosalie didn't seem as nasty as usual and actually smiled at me, before remaining in the background, not saying anything else.

I spent some time with Esme in the kitchen, before spending some time talking to Alice. She told me that when Edward got home he reacted in anger destroying the main room, but I honestly didn't notice anything different… except for the fact that the piano and the pictures on the mantelpiece were missing. I decided to forget about it, knowing that he only would have done these things because he was upset at the time.

Or angry.

After that, I decided to tell Alice about what had happened on Friday with Jessica and how nervous I was to go back to school because of the threat. Alice only smiled though and told me not to worry about it, which was confusing at the time, but I just assumed that it was because she was so positive and genuinely thought everything was going to be okay.

However, as it turns out, Alice was right.

There was no need to worry.

I went into school on Monday as calm as I could, prepared to deal with anything that happened. It was the first day of October so as far as I saw it - it was a new start. I could and would be brave if I had too, there was no reason why not.

However, to my surprise everyone at school treated me like they normally would, showing no signs of knowing the truth at all. I didn't get any sympathetic looks, or any whispered comments, or anything that hinted towards anyone knowing anything about it.

I carried on the day calmly, confused by everything, but still happy enough. I had Edward by my side, and things were now a lot easier now he and his family knew the truth. They would help me be strong if I had to be.

_It didn't stop me from being confused though._

But when lunch came around, suddenly the truth became clear when Angela nervously made our way over to our table. Despite some hostile looks from a couple of members of the table, she bravely asked if she could talk to me alone, which I agreed too, curious to know what she wanted.

We made our way over to our own table - the one that the three of us used to sit at - and then told me that she was incredibly sorry for how she'd been acting. Apparently she'd heard stories from Jessica which including me saying nasty things about her, which she wasn't sure whether to believe so decided to keep her distance just in case. But then she saw what happened in the car lot on Friday and realised the truth… that it was Jessica who was the two-faced backstabbing one here.

She repeatedly apologised to me, and I eventually found myself accepting.

And then I found out why no one else knew about the cancer… apparently Jessica had left town yesterday. She didn't tell anyone why, but the rumour was that she just couldn't face living here anymore.

I was very confused at all of this, but when I made my way back to my normal table and told everyone about it, it all became clear.

The smile on Alice's face told me she'd had something to do with this.

But instead of being annoyed at her for intruding, I found myself hugging her, thanking her for being such a good friend. I didn't know what had happened and whether my suspicions were true, but I didn't bother asking. I didn't need to know.

The facts were the facts… Jessica was gone, hopefully for good.

Edward knew about my cancer but has promised to always be there for me - a promise that I now knew he would keep.

I had good friends who were going to be there for me… the Cullen family and Angela.

Everything was good at the moment.

The only thing that was bugging me was the conversation from the night before… something about the way Edward acted told me that he was hiding something. Why had he been so insistent on me agreeing with his question?

And why, oh why did he keep on changing the subject every time I bought it up yesterday when I was around his house, curious to know what had happened with him.

I refused to believe it was just tiredness or just mere curiosity.

Edward Cullen had a secret that he was hiding from me. And I vowed to find out what it was, even if it was the last thing I did.

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**_Next chapter preview (subject to change)_**

**_(Edward)_**

"She's changed you Edward, for the better," she told me gently, "I think its time she found out what we are."

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A longer teaser will be on my Twitter over the next couple of days, so please do follow me.

So yeah, it was a lovely 26 reviews for the last chapter, I'm not going to beg (much) but it would be brilliant to get that again :) I really would love to hear your opinions on how this story is going.

Next chapter will be up in a week or so!

Thanks for reading!


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